Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Jason's Birthday is Today

So happy birthday to my second favorite Leprachaun. So whose my favorite Leprachaun?

Is it this one? Or this one? No, it's this one, because unlike those other Leprachauns, this one gives me delicious cereal.

So, Jason has turned 36, by my count.

So, 36 Facts About My Brother

1) Isn't afraid to cry at "A Diamond is Forever" commercials
2) Idea of a good evening is slipping into something silky, opening a bottle of port and listening to the soundtrack for "My Fair Lady"
3) Once kidney-punched a mime
4) Will turn on you like a ripe banana
5) Favorite ice cream? Vanilla with gummy bears mashed into it
6) Dreams of buying a big rig truck and a chimpanzee and becoming a long-haul trucker who stumbles into adventure
7) Thinks Nixon had it right
8) He and Reed took the bronze medal for Men's Synchronized Diving in 1988 Olympics (was later revoked when steroid use was discovered)
9) Sleeps in a hyperbaric chamber
10) Does nightly patrols of his street in a cape and mask, going by the name "The Liquidator". Nobody knows what that means.
11) Is self-taught attorney, like Abraham Lincoln
12) Every weekend covers self in washable tattoos from packs of Fruit Stripe Gum and Cracker Jack boxes
13) Has "a thing" for the Amish ladies
14) As a child would dress up in costumes and delight us with his performance of a one-man show of Peter Pan.
15) Can re-assemble an M-16 while blindfolded and smoking a Cuban cigar
16) Once travelled through time with clever white dog which he nicknamed "Peabody"
17) Is working on his first hip-hop album. Says will "drop" in time for Christmas.
18) In order to get his CRV going, needs 1.21 gigawatts
19) Has kissed Henry Kissinger on the forehead. Said he smelled of "barley, old tires and 'international intrigue'". Or maybe 'Chaps' by Ralph Lauren.
20) Killed him a bear, when he was only 3
21) Is afraid of waffles
22) Can dead lift 1000 pounds
23) Practices "Torquasm-Vo", an ancient Kryptonian mix of meditation techniques and martial arts
24) Has seen both El Chupacabra and a UFO, but years apart and in different locations
25) Memorized entire constitution, has Declaration of Independence tattooed on thighs so he can read it when he wears shorts
26) Fears "The Great Conjunction"
27) Lives by only one rule: There are no rules
28) Can hold his breath for six minutes at a time
29) Has never actually voted for a Democrat
30) Is guy in the H-E-Buddy costume
31) Has bought small bi-plane for Cassidy and is teaching her to fly it
32) Part of underground railroad for runaway circus animals
33) Can jump four feet straight up
34) Only man alive to have made passionate love to all four Golden Girls (not at one time)
35) Can pull a train engine with his teeth
36) Born on a Monday

Happy B-Day, Jason. May your 37th revolution be the best one ever.


mcsteans said...

To Jason: Happy Birthday!!!

To Ryan: *slow clap*

J.S. said...

Uh, yeah. Thanks for the birthday wishes! (I think...)
Incidentally, I know this isn't going to stop you from posting the Solomon Grundy references every year on my birthday, but I was actually born on a Saturday (as were you). I don't think mom wanted to miss work.

NTT said...

Happy Birthday Steanso! The CRV only needs 1.21 gigawatts? That's nothing. I remember the days when the Bronco needed a blood sacrifice of virgin law students to get it working. And believe me, those were hard to find.

thevike13 said...

I'm telling you, we were set up in '88. Those samples were tainted and mishandled from the beginning. It's a conspiracy that we are still in the process of unraveling. We are petitioning to get our bronze medals back (so we can sell them later on eBay).


The League said...

Whatever, my swamp muck encrusted brother. You'll always be the undead monster man to me.

NTT is 150% right about what it took to get the Bronco going. Geez, that car.

And, Reed, I look forward to your vindication and return to the sport you both hold dear. I know how much the world wants to see you two twisting and turning off the platform in your matching Speedos. Like two bronzed tornados, you were.