Oh, boy! It's time again to thrill to the list of bands promised for this year's Austin Independent Music Festival - an OmniCorp Entertainment Interests LLC production!
I can get a weekend badge for $1500, or both weekends for $3200. Beer can be had for the low, low price of $22/ can. Water is only $16 per bottle. I can poop and pee in a plastic box with a pool of chemicals in the bottom. Wash your hands after? NOPE!
The bands are great, or might be. You can never hear them over the frat boys and sorority girls yammering meaningless stories to each other, and can't see the bands anyway from 150 yards away through a sea of flags and selfie-sticks. But you might just end up in the background of an Austin influencer or "content creator"'s video. Women will wear umbrella sized hats, which actually makes some sense. But then pair it with a floor length dress and shoes meant for either a day at the beach or on the pole. And the guys? Totally sporting the mustaches of the dads on their way to divorce we all remember from 1982. And shorts that leave nothing to the imagination.
The line-up couldn't be better. It's all flash-in-a-pan bands no one will remember in five years mixed with a legendary act who will half-ass their way through a set of standards they're now playing at half-tempo for some reason, or re-interpreting those tunes against logic or good taste. Don't worry - you won't be able to hear them over those folks from Delta House talking about drama between Kayley and someone named "Stink".
The good news is it will be hot as fuck. Just brutally, insanely hot. The kind of humidity and temp that lets you know at 11:00 AM on day two: the chafing you're going to have is going to be crippling. But you have to hold out for "Dingle Rocket" who is playing the Coors stage at 5:30 in blast furnace light and heat.
You *will* lose at least one person you came with until they re-appear next to you during the closing set and say they were "just wandering around all day" with no further explanation, and no reason they weren't responding to texts.
Anyway, can't wait to see Gladys Honeycutt.
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