SPONSOR DOUG AS HE PEDDLES HIS WAY INTO GOOD KARMA

The League is neither particularly in-shape, nor charitable. But sometimes The League gets inspired by the hard work, determination and giving of others.

As the Holidays approach, we're selecting a few key charities we think you might like to dump your money into. Unlike stocks, bonds and bacon futures, the only thing you'll get in return is a chance to help a worthy cause and possibly assist in improving the human condition. That won't buy you a speedboat, but it will make you somewhat less evil.

The League's brother-in-law is both in-shape and charitable, and has gone and volunteered himself for the AIDS/Lifecycle. Doug will be peddling 585 miles over the course of seven days in order to raise money and awareness of the AIDS epidemic.

We're fully aware at The League that our readership is good of heart, if a little cheap. But it's creeping up on Christmas and I'm feeling full of Holiday mirth, so I'm giving you cheap bastards a shot. Back at League HQ we've taken a hard look at what we're going to sponsor this year, and we think this is a great cause. We hope you'll think so as well.

To sponsor Doug on his life-saving fantastic voyage, go here.

Tonight, our world is a little poorer.

Ol' Dirty Bastard has merged with the infinite.

I am not, in any way, familiar with hip-hop. That train left the station while I was still trying to convince people it was never going to get better than The Fat Boys.

But I did work at Camelot Records at Highland Mall from 1995-1997. And one day, while sorting the rap section, I came across this album cover. And I stood in the middle of the store laughing for five minutes.

Wu-Tang is now down a man, but The Wu will go on.

My apologies if I appear to be light of blogging.

I was busy, and now I'm taking a few days off from my usual schedule and work.

I think you can get along without me.

And, hey... while I'm out... somebody solve the mystery of why Molly hasn't blogged in over a month. What's going down in the Land of the Rising Sun?

I hereby formally endorse the new Bravo program: Long Way Round. For an agoraphobe like myself, the show is quite interesting. It also makes me want to be rich and famous so I can get corporations to sponsor my epic vacation.

And, just a general announcement: I will be in Austin for Thanksgiving. I will be giving thanks at the home of Jason Steans. Hopefully he will locate a table for us to sit at before we show up.

Gobble. Gobble.

If you're going to be in Austin, let me know.

I think Randy is getting married Saturday. Everyone cross your fingers and wish the little tyke the best of luck for the ceremony to go well.

Here is Randy with some girl. Let's hope it's the Mysterious M.

Randy, if you want a secret escape plan, I've planted a car near your house. Before you sink teh car into the lake, make sure you remove the passport and driver's license with your new identity from the glove compartment. Don't worry about the body in the car. You needed a body double, and that guy was going to die soon. I think.

Either way, best of luck, RHPT, or maybe I should say, Mr. Faizul Goldstein.

Time to get lowbrow.

Do not view this clip if you are of a delicate nature.

And, yes... a quick Google search will demonstrate that this was, in fact, a legitimate children's show. No, I don't know how they got away with it. I am sure it never happened again.

Interesting stuff online last night about The Incredibles.

Apparently Bard Bird isn't the comic book geek you'd assume he'd be from both The Iron Giant and The Incredibles. In fact, he didn't even know how close he was coming to the Fantastic Four. Instead, he developed the powers based more upon character archetypes.

Dash = 10 year old boy, which means a lot of energy to run around = superspeed
Violet = shy 13 year old girl = invisibility and invisible barriers
Elastigirl = moms getting pulled in too many directions = stretchy powers
Mr. Incredible = dad + former tough guy = super strength

Interesting enough.

The "review" I enjoyed reading was the one posted by The Beat!. Heidi had an interesting POV on the movie and pitches that this movie may have a darker underlying message and than you'd pick up on at a first glance. If you wonder where she's going with this (and maybe the name of the article is enough to get you to click over) is THE INCREDIBLES: From Nietzsche to Rand.

Anyway, read the review here.

Later this week RHPT.com and The Mysterious M join in holy matrimony.

The League has been married since April 28th, 2000, so The League feels entitled to shoot his mouth off about marital bliss.

Here are some pointers for folks about to enter into wedded bliss:

1. Just because you are married does not mean you are always going to enjoy the exact same things. It just doesn't. Jamie still won't help me with my mime.

2. While lying in bed, unable to sleep, do not begin toying with a plan for the perfect murder.

3. If by merging your CD collections you now have more than one copy of an album, sell duplicate copies. In two years, people are going to raise an eyebrow at your multiple copies of "The Soul Cages", for more than one reason.

4. You've got until death to spend time together. You have my permission to go off and play putt-putt on your own without feeling guilty.

5. Tell each other when you're paying bills.

6. Don't go to McDonald's.

7. A puppy or a kitten is not a child. Do not allow your spouse to begin calling themself "mommy" or "daddy" regarding a pet. Pets are more like idiot roommates, and treating them as children is weird and creepy. If you must have something to call you "mommy" or "daddy", it's easy to accomplish and I have a Barry White album which may speed the process.

8. If you don't like a certain genre of movies, lay down the law and insist your spouse find a friend to see that genre with. (I refuse to watch romantic comedies. Jamie hates westerns.)

9. Do not make up lengthy songs about any physical feature which the other person might feel uncomfortable about (big ears, bird toes, etc...) and then sing said song to to the other person each and every morning. This will lead to divorce.

10. Try not to point out really attractive people to your significant other.

11. Ask your spouse about their opinion on your selection of clothes and then go ahead and buy the same boring crap you've been buying since high school.

12. Dressing up the cat to surprise your spouse may seem like a good idea, but it just ends up getting you injured.

13. Call your spouse at least once a day from work.

14. When your spouse says "have you seen my shoes?" always answer "no" unless you can see them at that exact moment. Do not try to remember when last you saw the missing shoes. It was never important enough for you to make a mental note and you will never remember.

15. Tell your spouse at least one item you want for Christmas, because guessing is a complete bastard.

16. Don't bring up old nonsense in an argument. That's dumb and it always just makes the situation worse.

17. Don't go to bed angry.

18. Don't have kids. They're loud, they eat all the food, use all the money and they smell like syrup.

And that's it. That's my advice. Not too exciting. I guess my point is, just because you're getting married doesn't mean you have to compromise on everything and become a boring dud. Sure, to some point nature will make you more of a boring dud, but you needn't necessarily voluntarily become a boring dud. You can still do your own thing as long as it doesn't involve bigamy or bankruptcy or both.

Happy wedding, Randy and Mysterious M. Go out there and freak out the squares.