Tuesday, December 12, 2006

ALEXANDER BOONE GOODMAN HAS ENTERED THE ATMOPSHERE

Let's all give mad props to little Alexander Boone, who stepped foot on terra firma for the first time on December 8th at 5:48am. CBG sent me the announcement yesterday. I guess all that birthing really wore her out, as she then foolishly agreed to let me post upon her new arrival.


a young Alexander Goodman poses for what is sure to be the first of many mug shots

Lex (as I shall call him, even if Carla does not) weighed 7 pounds, 7 ounces upon arrival. He came in at an impressive 21 and 1/4 inches, which, I am sure, meant he was totally dominating all the other kids on the neo-natal unit's basketball court.

So congrats to Carla and David, and let's all welcome the newest Leaguer to Planet Earth.

Little Lex, you're in good hands. Now get out there and enjoy the future.

Monday, December 11, 2006

HIGH SCHOOL MOVIE POST

This evening I watched a movie I was fairly certain I would never see in this lifetime when Jamie unleashed "Mean Girls" from the DVR. This makes it (I believe) three Lindsay Lohan movies I have seen in my life.

I recently read a Time Magazine interview with Frank Portman, the former front-man of 90's alt-punk band "The Mr. T Experience" (and current successful young-adult author of "King Dork") who said something along the lines of "Our entire popular culture's about high school. It's this thing that most people suffered through terribly or like to think they did."

If "Mean Girls" is any indication of the small, untreatable pettiness we're all carrying around, I have little hope for the human race.

Ostensibly, the movie was for tween-girls, or, possibly, teen-age girls. Actually, when I think of some of the content, I hope it was intended for teen-age girls and not those 5-8th grade girls. But, let's be honest, it's the tweens who will buy it on DVD.

The movie came out during the "Hilary Duff is Everywhere" phase of movie-making between 2003 and 2004 (which you may not have noticed, but as there seemed to be two or three of the same movie running at all times at my local cinema, I took note). I think I probably lumped this one in with those movies in my mind. What I DO remember was that adult reviewers were suggesting that, maybe, you know, THIS one was okay... I also recall hearing how this movie was surprisingly good, how the zoological observations of the protagonist reflected the absurdities of American high-school culture, blah blah blah...

The movie is far better than most for the first thirty minutes, then sputters as it falls into a predictable "beat the snob girl at her own game" pattern which these movies seem to thrive on, and, of course, pretty much finds it's denouement by telling not just our protagonist, but every character, to love themself (an unsatisfying message as Tina Fey's character admits aloud that none of these girls seem to have any problems with self-esteem). Tucked in there is a rare shoutout to also love the girl next to you, and I guess that's what they're hoping to sow.

If the first third of the movie seemed to be giving me hope by stealing from anything, the first reel actually seemed to mirror 1989's "Heathers", right up to "the lunch time poll" (which made me wonder aloud if that wasn't a wink and a nod of an homage). In a post-Columbine-era, it's impossible to imagine a film like "Heathers" receiving funding, and it may be best not to consider how many pipe bombs and trench coats Christian Slater may be tangentially responsible for. But in a post-Columbine world, the ending of "Mean Girls"seemed like a cop out. It was far more fluffy bunnies and rainbows, as if there was line the producers finally settled upon which they would not cross before having the guts to be a black comedy. We discover our alt-rock disaffected girl just needed the love of a good Mathlete, and it really is all about how big your ass is in high school, even when the movie is trying to say otherwise.

Aside from a few funny moments (mostly brought by adult players, Tina Fey and Tim Meadows) I didn't find much to latch on to. All of this, in part, because the "high school is hell" model of cumpolsory education doesn't jive terribly well with personal experience.

If Frank Portman is right, and we are all still hung up on a locker-room wedgie or some girl pointing out our acne on the bus ride home, it's a pretty sad indictment of pop culture and culture in general. How many adults are walking around with unresolved vendettas and revenge fantasies that should have been swept up with the mortar boards from the gymnasium floor?

Really? That many?

Wow.

At least in the entertainment industry, I am led to believe it's a hell of a lot of people.

Tina Fey, screenwriter for the project, has dovetailed a bit of the insecurity of her character from this movie with her work on "30 Rock", and one almost wonders about the Jack Donaghy/ Regina George paradigm of Fey's worry about alpha-dogs. Or maybe that's just the well-spring of comedy. I don't know. But she seems hard-wired into the idea of "I was such a geek back then", and "what a loser I am now... despite my success".

These days, I am sadly hard pressed to remember names of teachers, administrators, and especially fellow-students, although a few clues can usually set me straight. I am inclined to remember myself as a "nice guy", but, heck, I don't know. I might just not remember giving some poor freshman noogies everyday, for which, even now, he's plotting his revenge. (Actually, that seems entirely plausible.)

The stuff that sticks out in my mind about that era is how aware I was that because I had not graduated, I was never to be trusted. I do not remember anyone making fun of me (perhaps I was blissfully ignorant), but I have very firm memories of hitting three bathrooms before I found one that was unlocked during a particular potty emergency in English my senior year. When I asked about it, I was told that they always locked the bathrooms on the first floor during periods that coincided with lunchtime, because they'd once caught a kid smoking in the bathroom. So, you know, your bladder be damned.

"Mean Girls" actually has a montage, including the "why do you have to use the restroom?" dilemma of public ed, and this was where I connected. The prison mentality of lowest-common-denominator rule application is a good bit, and is one of the stronger segments in the film. This is the high school that I remember.

Or that you had to leave class and stand in line for twenty minutes in the office to collect a "tardy" pass if you were ten seconds after the bell. Or being told to sell cakes out of a catalog to raise money for prom. Or the monitor refusing to let you go to your locker to get your own textbooks to work on assignments or study, because it was before the first bell (and you could see your locker from where you were standing, and you'd gone to school forty-five minutes early, just for this).

Perhaps "3 O'Clock High" utilized some of the bureaucratic insanity to best advantage, but was that was certainly not the central conflict.

There are high school movies I like. When I was of the right age, and before it was marred by outbreaks of genuine school violence, I found "Heathers'" black humor and deadly pragmatism to the "Mean Girls'" central issues to be pretty funny, but understood that this was a hyper-reality of Archie-Comics-like parody of high school. At the time I'd also liked "the Chocolate War" and "Heaven Help Us" (which I give myself a pass on if it's bad as I haven't seen it in 16 years), perhaps because they skewed male-centric. "Election" was frustratingly fun. "The River's Edge", while morbid and depressing, had a certain reality to it, that if you heard it had happened at another nearby school, you wouldn't bat an eye. "American Grafitti" captured some of the freedom and opportunity of summer nights in high school.

However, these days few movies seem to be willing to do much but find some variation on the "serve uppity snob girl her comeuppance". Which is kind of silly, especially when nothing can top John Waters' "Hairspray".

These days, for me, the high school character that reminds me most of an actual high school kid is Zach Gilford's portrayal of Matt Saracen on NBC's Friday Night Lights. Where other storylines on the show have already spun off into hour-long prime-time soap opera territory, and kids have mostly fallen into the parentless world of TV high schoolers, Gilford's Saracen is somehow still grounded in some sort of reality. Not presneted as a macho jock stereotype, nor the well-coiffed bad boy/ artist, he's the guy trying to figure out how to be the best man he can be, while trying to figure out what that means.

Anyway, this went on way longer than I meant for it to, so I guess I'm curious:

Interactivity time:

What "high school" movies or TV do you like? What "high school" movies or TV do you feel are ridiculous? Which ones do you think cut closer to the truth than they let on? Am I completely full of it?

Your opinions, please...

Sunday, December 10, 2006

HOLIDAY SPECTACULAR: A SUPER EVENING

Well, I'm feeling a little tired and foggy today (it's nowhere close to morning anymore). I didn't really drink that much egg nog, but I also didn't eat anything between lunch and about 12:30 AM. We received our first guests around 7:40 when Stuart and Hilary made an appearance, and Shoemaker drifted out the door sometime around quarter to three.

The evening was full of old and new friends, Loyal Leaguers, olives, dogs, elves and lots of good cheer. There were surprise guests, surprise turns of events, heartfelt moments and Andy S. wearing an oven mit.

You have to understand, The League of Melbotis last hosted a big party as a mid-day sort of affair about six years ago. Prior to that, we did some bar-b-q's, and that's about it. We, traditionally, don't do a lot of entertaining. So, yes, mistakes were made. But when we moved back to Austin, I was not about to let the Holidays go by without some demonstration of our appreciation for our pals.

We also have an insane amount of booze still left at our house, so if you can send over about eight frat-boys, have we got a treat for them... Otherwise, Jamie and I are just going to have to drink all this stuff before it goes bad.

Next year, a more focused BYOB.

Stuart and Hilary appeared first, and we scarcely had a few minutes to chat (ask Hilary about the Budweiser room at SeaWorld) before the flood gates opened and my house became full of all sorts of guests. Zoomy. Jason and Elena from down the street. Justin and Tanya from back in the day (Monarch Soccer '84 rules!), Peabo and Adriana, to name just a few.

We handed out some door prizes. Several attendees won bottles from the Jones Soda 2006 Holiday Dessert Pack. We sampled some of Tanya's Cherry Pie Soda, and it was surprisingly good. A marked change from last year's debacle with Jones Soda. Pez dispensers, M&M's and other Holiday surprises were handed out to a lucky few.

"It's not just a party," remarked Steanso, "It's a game show."

Winner for surprise guest of the evening: Well, I sort of knew they might come, but John and Julie B. drove in all the way from the N. Houston area. Julie said they were a definite maybe, but Julie's in school and John works a lot of hours, so, you know, if they didn't come, nobody was going to get bent out of shape. Anyhow, I have no idea what time it was, but I looked up and said in my head, "Oh, there's Julie." And then it sort of clicked "Julie lives in Houston". So, anyway, kudos to the B's.

Winner for surprise info of the evening: It took a minute to click thanks to Mr. Eggnog, but Mr. Shoemaker described his lovely girlfriend as his "fiancee"... so Shoemaker is getting married. I can scarce believe it. Sadly, Keora wasn't there for reasons which Mr. Eggnog has wiped from my memory bank.

Winner for heart-tugging reunion: The League and Mr. Eggnog. No, Mel's original owner, Jenny, came by with her husband. Mel freaked out and went all puppyish for a while, and proceeded to follow Jenny around for a good chunk of the evening. Jenny informed me that she is now going to write a Lifetime movie about women who give up their dogs, only to be reunited with them.

Winner for defeating The League and Steanso's best efforts: The firepit. John B. gets an ingenuity award for finally getting the fire started with an emergency run to the store and the purchase of a Duraflame log. Kudos to John B.

Winner for best food item: Goes to Cousin Sue's pumpkin dip. When I asked, "Was this good?" upon seeing the empty dish (when I finally got a chance to go try some), was met with a resounding response in the affirmative. So, Susan, you need to make more.

No Win: I could not get Peabo and Adriana to name their soon-to-arrive child "Lil' Ryan". Apparently, it does not translate well into Spanish. They claim that, phonetically, it sounds a bit like "to laugh at" or something along those lines.

Endurance Award: Steven and Lauren may have clocked the most minutes at the party. Arriving with the first herd and departing with the second, we enjoyed the heck out of having these cats at our house.

Winner for name I caught, but failed to pronounce correctly all evening: Elena? Helena? She lives three houses down, so I sort of better figure this out.

Most ignored: The two ice-cream cakes (which are really cool and look like Yule Logs) we bought and promptly forgot about that are now sitting in the freezer.

Most-discussed: The League's "shrine" (as many called it). I had many people come to me after visiting upstairs to say "I have never seen anything like that before". I am not certain that is good or bad.

Best Elf: Rami. Hands down.

Best-effort: to Pat for, reportedly, knocking down several of my action figures and then trying to get them standing again. Only to knock down several more plastic heroes. Repeat.

Best footwear: Jamie, for giving up on her skirt and boots and switching to jeans and her sock-monkey slippers around 11:30.

Overall thank you: To the many party-goers who worked so hard to wear out the dogs. From Justin's initial game of fetch, to Shoemaker tossing the ball for Lucy at 2:30, the dogs are totally crashed out today. That's a rare treat, and we thank you.



All in all, a grand evening. I forgot to take pictures. I think Jason snapped some pics. If I can get some photos to post, or can link over to his site at some point, I shall do so.

We want to send out a thank you to everyone who attended and even those folks who couldn't attend. It's tough to demonstrate your appreciation for your friends, en masse, so this is my best effort. Sure, we may not have loved every moment of our time in Arizona, but it really led us to appreciate the value of good folks like you Leaguers.


We plan to repeat in the second Saturday of December, 2007. Mark your calendars now.
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Friday, December 08, 2006

DEAR SANTA


Dear Santa,

I feel funny writing to an illusory idyllic personification of the spirit of giving. But then again, I once voted Green Party.

You know, when I was a kid, I remember writing letters to you and feeling absolutely paralyzed at the beginning of each letter, knowing I had to make with the idle chatter and dream up some chit-chat before getting to my greedy-little-kid wish list of the gimme-gimme’s. Now, Santa, I’ve grown up some, but not a whole lot, so you know I’ve still got a list. But, up until recently, I also had an income, so now I mostly go ahead and pick up the items I’d like, rather than making a list and hoping you, Mom and the Sears Wish Book come through for me. Them’s the facts. And it goes a long way to explaining why Dad always got so many ties and socks for Christmas.

One of the things I remember asking about in that preamble to my wish list was something about the welfare of Mrs. Claus and the reindeer. I don’t recall worrying too much about the elves.

I also remember (with 35mm quality image and Dolby sound) the conversation I had with The Admiral vis-à-vis the likelihood of your existence, back when I was a wee kid in flannel pajamas. Quite an evening, that. And I credit The Admiral with handling our conversation regarding the nature of illusion, the spirit versus corporeal reality, and the disappointment of deconstructed fairy tales better than he handled dating advice (which boiled down to: hold the door and chew with your mouth closed).

So we’re now 2006 solar cycles Anno Domini. Christmas has more or less been celebrated for a good chunk of the last 1000 cycles, with no signs of slowing, so I have to think that’s good for business up at The North Pole. Hope the reindeer and Mrs. Clause are doing real well.

I confess, Christmas this year has reminded me what a contradiction the Holiday can be. All signs point to League HQ having their merriest Christmas in years, but we’re also acutely aware of what this year has taken, not just from us, but from friends and family. And although there are lights in abundance and carols playing through every PA in town, sometimes it hits us like a tidal wave that some friends are bravely fighting sickness. And some are just working toward making it to tomorrow.

But that’s what Christmas is, I think, when you pass from being the kid in the flannel pajamas to the guy in his boxers, paying the mortgage.

You bundle up and sing a few carols, and try not to think too hard about who we're missing, and what it might have been in years past. And you look up at the tree and try not to ponder too hard on what a whacked out world we've carved out for ourselves. So, I try to remember: no matter your creed, the spirit of the season is giving. And that giving is done out of hope for a better tomorrow.

You’ll pardon me, Santa, if I don’t mind terribly much if you skip my house this year. You know, even though I sort of think of you as that illusory idyllic personification of the spirit of giving, sometimes, this year I'm reminded that I may count on you to take it a step beyond merely existing as an ideological construct, and instead ask you to physically manifest and take care of those things which I should probably do.

Wow. That really wasn’t the direction I meant to go, Santa. But as you’re an omniscient spectator of sorts (like Uatu, the Watcher!), I guess you would have figured it out sooner or later.

I’m going to leave the ball in your court whether I’ve been a good boy this year. I paid my taxes. I voted. I helped old ladies pull items off the shelf in the grocery aisle. I tried to keep the evil to a minimum. So if you're not going to skip my house...

This year, I would like the following:

1) Continued livelihood of my car’s air conditioning system
2) Socks. Mine are all old.
3) To find my green shirt (which is probably in the same dimensional vortex in our house as Lucy’s collar and the old coffee pot)
4) To see a Rockets or Spurs game
5) Size 14, outdoor quad roller skates
6) Action Comics #252 in VF+ condition or better
7) Jamie’s continued patience
8) A red cape, tall size (uh… no special reason)
9) Caterina Murino
10) A complete run of Vol. 1 of New Gods and Forever People
11) A better year for my friends and family in 2007
12) the usual for Jamie. Thanks.

So, thanks, Santa. I know some of these are tall orders. Especially that run on Forever People. But you’re Santa, and I know you’ll do your best.


Merry Christmas, Sir. We’ll leave out some nog and cookies for you.


Best,

Ryan (aka: The League)

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