The League's Guide to Starting High School

In the coming weeks, more than ten teenagers across our nation will be setting their foot onto a high school campus for the first time as freshmen.

My own freshmen year was an odd one, as our Freshman class (class of '93) was bused to a campus which had been built when projections indicated a school would be required in that area, but did not take a recession into account. Westwood was too large for all of us, so some of us wound up at The Freshman Annex (aka: McNeil High School).

My sophomore year I moved to Spring, where I had to, basically, start high school all over again.

So here are my tips:

1) I don't know what sexed-up, drugged-up high school the folks go to who write teenage dramas for the CW, but TV and movies are a complete fabrication. Do not expect for life to become glamorous and sexy.

Don't worry. The lack of perspective and tendency to romanticize your own life of the average high schooler will make it all seem a lot more glamorous and sexy than it actually is.

2) Get good grades. You may think you're the next Fifty Cent, but you're much more likely to be the next Ned Irwin, Middle Manager.

3) Join a club or find an activity for godsake.

4) Ask "why?" constantly.

5) Don't take classes because they'll be a blowoff. Save that for college.

6) Your friends are idiots.

7) Get your driver's permit as soon as you are legally able. Same with your driver's license.

8) Don't loan your car out.

9) Don't slide across the hood of your car like the Duke Boys. It will put a huge dent in the hood of your '83 Honda Accord which you will have to hammer out before The Admiral notices its there.

10) Find girls who are funny.

11) Have at least two friends who make you look good to your parents by comparison.

12) Have a few more who are more impressive than you, so they don't start worrying about you.

13) Go to shows as soon as you are able.

14) Stay friends with the kids who tell you they spent the weekend in jail, but reduce your "hangout time" with those kids.

15) Don't let small kids get picked on.

16) Call racist kids names and make fun of their families.

17) Never, ever make fun of truck drivers. Because both times you do, you will find out that you're making an American Truck Driving School joke to the child of a truck driver. Also, our economy would be crippled without the noble trucker.

18) Know how football and basketball work (baseball is optional).

19) Read books that you hear you aren't supposed to read.

20) Be nice to your mother.

21) Try not to embarrass The Old Man.

22) Chew gum.

23) You are not the first person to discover The Beatles, Jimi, The Who, whatever... but rock that shit.

24) Become an expert at figuring out the shelf-life of bands and popular music.

25) Keep a change of clothes handy.

26) Always keep $15 in cash. This is not to be spent unless absolutely necessary.

27) Know too much about one or two serial killers.

28) Know when to shut up and listen.

29) Be ready to walk away from friends.

30) Know that your friends will let you down.

31) Be ready to make friends your old friends don't like.

32) Watch movies from before the year you were born.

33) After 10:00 PM, it's a cliche, but Denny's is a perfectly acceptable destination.

33) Learn to drink coffee.

34) Figure out what food you can eat from a gas station.

35) Go to museums, free plays and concerts.

36) Take lots of pictures. Try to use film.

37) Think long and hard before deciding you're going to want to be seen as "an iconoclast"

38) Nobody is looking at you or thinking about you.

39) Drive around at night.

40) If anyone tells you these are the best days of your life, look upon them with pity.


So, Leaguers... what would you share?

JackBart and Boom Studios at Austin Books on Wednesday

Austin Area Leaguers will want to hit Austin Books on Wednesday between 4:30 and 7:00 PM.

The League's own JackBart (billed as "The Best Looking Man in Comics") will be signing copies of the newest issue of his runaway hit comic, "Poe", which is about the exploits of Edgar Allen Poe as he takes on mystics and criminals in the wake of personal tragedy.

From the Boom site:

BOOM! STUDIOS FAVORITES SIGNING THIS WEDNESDAY!

Posted using ShareThis

The creators of Boom/ Pixar's "Cars" and "Monster's Inc" comics will also be signing, so its a triple-header!

I'm excited for JackBart, Austin Books and Boom! Should be fun.

Anyone want an ACL Fest Ticket for Friday?

I'm looking to unload Friday ACL Fest ticket. No mark up. I'll sell it for what I paid for it.

Date is October 2nd, 2009. Here's the schedule for that day.

Usain Bolt: Fastest Man Alive

Usain Bolt is really, really fast

Last summer I watched a whole lot of the Olympics. Even synchronized swimming.

One highlight was Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt, he of the chest-thumping and golden shoes.

Some people criticized Bolt for undue celebration, but... dude. Bolt is The Fastest Man Alive, and he proved it on the biggest stage imaginable.

Well, without so many cameras on him, Bolt just beat his old record in the 100m Dash.

Read about it here.

What can you say other than that the guy is absolutely amazing?

Movie Trailers

I complain a lot (I mean... A LOT) about how Hollywood doesn't put out many movies I'd like to see. But here's some stuff...

From the guys behind Napolean Dynamite: Gentlemen Broncos



That looks just like Pleadings. Its creepy.

And from the Coen Brothers, "A Serious Man".

The McRib, Donating to Medicine, Superman Rights, and... Really, America?

I was just looking through some e-mail, and realized I had not posted on any of the following items. Many of these things were sent my way by Randy.

The McRib Flowchart

I have taken some good old fashioned McRibbing over my annual pilgrimage to McDonald's for the McRib sandwich. The McRib is a sort of pressed pork patty which McDonald's decided, during the coked-up early 1980's, in a form which was actually rib shaped. For whatever reason, the circular nature of the hamburger (no doubt also from a press) is seen as the natural shape for all the parts of a cow you'd never consume normally. But forcing those same unspeakable parts into a shape resembling something from nature... draws the ire of both God and man.

But I like it. Really, its the sauce, onions and pickles I like, and maybe the big bun. And I am not alone. Apparently there are McRib fanatics who McDonald's appeases with the annual, month-long release of the McRib, usually right around the Holiday Season.

Anyhow, Cracked.com did a pretty good bit on The McRib. I invite you to check it out.

Sent by both Randy and Jamie

Glenn Beck is right!

Glenn Beck has founded his 912 Project, which I am just really enjoying.

Principle 7 is one I am really, really going to get behind.

7. I work hard for what I have and I will share it with who I want to. Government cannot force me to be charitable.

Which is why The League of Melbotis supports: MyFreeImplants.com

Leaguers, nothing makes me sadder than a stripper with low self-esteem. How can a sad-eyed stripper feel a sense of real worth in this world unless she's swinging some DD's?

MyFreeImplants.com bridges the gap between those unfortunate, modestly busty souls and the folks who really want to believe in a bustier world. Also, those same boob-lovin' folks can buy credits to get an opportunity to speak to the women whose boobs they are embiggening.

This is the free market at work, Leaguers, and why I say thee nay when it comes to healthcare reform in the U.S. If our penniless strippers can make it work, then so can YOU.* That is, if its not just girls doing the old mail-order bride scheme with twist.

By purchasing those credits, you're not just handing a stripper a pile of cash, they're sort of working for it. By maybe talking to you. Which, you know, they would normally never do.

All this right-thinking Americanism just brings me back to principle #1.

1. America Is Good.

You took the words right out of my mouth, Glenn Beck.

Thanks to Randy for the link. The "free implants" link, not Glenn Beck.


Superman Rights to Siegels


JimD, Nathan C. and Randy all sent me links to news regarding a recent ruling that decided that material in Action Comics up to issue #4 was not "work-for-hire" by Siegel and Shuster, and so rights to a few more elements of the Superman property are reverting to the widow of writer Jerry Siegel and his daughter.

By way of explanation, Joe Shuster was the artist who co-created Superman. He has passed, leaving one heir, who also subsequently passed, leaving the Shuster's possible portion of the rights unclaimed.

The decision is a pretty big deal, honestly. Short article here.

The court ruled, for the most part, that the Siegels successfully recaptured most of the works at issue, including those first two weeks of daily Superman strips, as well as key sections of early Action Comics and Superman comics. This means the Siegels, repped by Warners' nemesis Marc Toberoff, now control depictions of Superman's origins from the planet Krypton, his parents Jor-El and Lora, Superman as an infant, the launching of the baby Superman into space and his landing on Earth in a fiery crash.

But Krypto still belongs to DC, you conniving Siegels! And without him, you have nothing!!!

NOTHING!!!

(cough cough wheeeez)

I have very mixed feelings in regards to the entire issue. I do feel that National/ DC/ Warner Bros. didn't handle things as smoothly as they could have for decades. That's fairly well-documented. On the other hand, from a business standpoint, its not too hard to see how and why DC thought they were doing the right thing.

Unfortunately for Siegel and Shuster, they were kids with no legal expertise trying to get their foot in the door.

I recommend reading "Men of Tomorrow" for a much better account of the whole story. To keep it short, Siegel's wife and daughter have every reason to bear a grudge regarding what happened to Jerry.

It's not so much a big win for creators that Siegel's family won the rights, as the situation seems so unique, and lawyers became much smarter about this stuff as time passed. But it is a win for Siegel, even if it comes well after his death. Wherever Siegel and Shuster are, I have no doubt they're having a good laugh at Harry Donenfeld and Jack Liebowitz's expense.

My primary concern (and I've said this before) is that the Siegels are probably very good people, but they also haven't spent the past 70 years managing the business of Superman. As much as I hope my Superman purchases alone would put Joanne Siegel in ermine and diamonds (and they could), I think they'd be wise to find some deal to license Superman back to WB, and ensure they get to see the ledger sheets.

I have a sneaking suspicion that DC will find a way to make this work and everyone winds up happy.

The King of Pop at Target

I know that nobody ever proved that Michael Jackson actually molested any of the children he gave wine and had sleeping in his bed, but...

I was at Target today buying some cat food, and couldn't help but notice that (a) the record section had an endcap display full of Michael Jackson CD's, and (b) that the Junior's section had three separate Michael Jackson shirts available.

Sure, its tough talking to your kids about the unsavory business that took Michael Jackson from curiosity of a fading star to pariah. But, you know, we learn from tales such as these. Not by sweeping everything under the rug because a dude passed and your kids just found out about "Wanna Be Startin' Something".

I don't know how things work in Minneapolis, but I am failing to wrap my head around what occurred here at the highest corporate level. But, you know, whatever sells.




*Shake that booty, Jason.

The League sees: District 9

It's been a pretty lousy summer for movies.

In the wake of the superhero and teenaged wizard tentpole summers, Hollywood has once again misconstrued the obvious (people like movies that aren't stupid) and has now transmorgified the evidence to suggest that no movie should exist unless based upon an existing property, be it old movie, TV show, novel, comic book, back of a Wheaties box, etc...

I consider myself exactly the target audience for a summer movie. But perhaps now that I'm a male on the far end of the 18-35 age bracket, that's no longer so. I did not see:

Transformers 2
GI Joe: Rise of Cobra
Terminator: Salvation
Angels & Demons
Land of the Lost
Taking of Pelham 1-2-3
Public Enemies
Bruno
Funny People
G-Force

I also did not see: Moon, 500 Days of Summer, and a few others I'd consider seeing. I get out to the movies far less frequently, and find trips anywhere but The Alamo to be sort of nightmarish, so... Hollywood can count me as a casualty. I am not helping them.

And I do still want to see "Julie & Julia", "Zombieland", and "Inglourious Basterds". And Maybe "Ponyo", if the mood strikes me.

One movie that did not appear to be based on a toy, book, cartoon, or bar of soap had some trailer at The Alamo this spring. I'd also seen the posters for "District 9", and was pleased to see director/ producer Peter Jackson's name attached. I saw "Dead Alive" in the theater, thank you. And later, much to Jason's chagrin, "Meet the Feebles". Jackson was "presenting" District 9, and I figured even if all he was doingw as distributing the movie, it was worth a look-see.


if only this poster had existed for my bedroom in high school...

And then, not so long ago, JimD called me from his mountaintop lodge to instruct me to see the movie. So, of course, I did so.

It is not that the plot for District 9 isn't something that feels familiar from other films. Most definitely, there are elements of other sci-fi films and just other movies in general. And sort of like when I saw "The Host" a few summers back, I was anticipating that the twist of the film would have less to do with the plot than the filter of the film's country of origin. And in many way, that's true.

But where I felt that "The Host" simply didn't wind up telling a very compelling story (and there are some interesting parallels between "The Host" and "District 9" in regards to those in power, and a few other plotpoints I don't wish to spoil), I felt "District 9" told an engaging story, and absolutely did not skimp on action.

The story hinges largely upon the likely fallout if an alien species arrived in much the same manner of immigrants as we get reports of here in the US, but which is an uncommon practice as of the mid-20th Century. These are a labor class of immigrant, uneducated, inarticulate, and because they are unplanned visitors, the government of South Africa sets up a minimum standard of living and then all but abandons them to their slums. The slums, making the occupants of Johannesburg nervous, are to be leveled and the "Prawn" moved to a new location.



And here our troubles begin.

One sign of what we would have called in my college days "a foreign film", was usually that, in particular, FX were half-baked and were often more or a stage prop the audience had to use their willing suspension of disbelief to enjoy. The FX of "District 9" were absolutely phenomenal, with seamless CG and human interaction. If and when puppets were used for the film, I wouldn't have known.

Adding to the challenge is that much of the film is constructed to appear as if its part of a documentary and includes a large portion of "found footage". Shots are handheld, lighting uneven, etc... and it all still looks remarkable and seamless.

The DP, FX team and director wisely place the enormous alien mothership in many shots, simply floating over the city as something matter-of-fact, that the residents don't even look up at any more, its been there so long. Its a bizarre but necessary detail to the framing of the story.

The story movies at a rapid clip, and I give credit to both lead actor Sharlto Copley (this is, bizarrely, his only acting work to date) and the FX crew for still being able to develop the characters of Wikus and Christopher.

The world writer/ director Neill Blomkamp has created feels remarkably likely, much more so than what I'd consider to be District 9's American counter-part, "Alien Nation", which basically just boiled things down to a new, slightly unknown ethnic class living in the US. The very alienness of two cultures creates massive disturbance, and its not hard to believe that locals probably would want to resettle the "Prawn" out of their city, no matter how open minded.


Hey, Mr. Alien. You've been served!

But I did wonder, occasionally, what I might be missing allegorically from Blomkamp's perspective as a South African. Clearly the slum conditions and co-habitation of South Africans plays out in the movie, but it seems I might have missed some other elements.

From the set-up, the story does, as I mentioned, take a familiar turn, but I don't think its anything that feels overly contrived. Its well-structured. And if you're just looking for an action movie, here you go.

I should mention: The movie is rated "R" for a reason. Don't worry about seeing a boob or anything, but Blomkamp also doesn't shy away from finding new and inventive ways to demonstrate alien technology.

Anyhow, in an otherwise mostly disappointing summer (now I wait another year for Iron Man 2? Booooooooo), I recommend checking out "District 9".

If I were the producer's of NBC's new version of "V", I'd be very concerned right now.

Good call on a movie, JimD.