ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT ALERT

Killer Croc has been located. You may end your searches now.

THanks for all the hard lookin'.

Popeye turns 75.

Popeye cartoons don't run like they did years ago on TV. I used to watch a lot of Popeye, and several months ago I remember talking to Jamie about Popeye, and she was utterly baffled.

"The Jeep. You know, the Jeep?"
"The car?"
"No, the Jeep! I think they actually named the car AFTER the Jeep. I loved the Jeep when i was a kid."
"No idea."
"And the Sea Hag and that weird thing which ran around after Popeye..."
"Wasn't he just a sailor?"
"Popeye? Well, he was that and so much more..."
"I remember Bluto and Olive Oyl."
"Well, sure."
"I don't remember any Sea Witch."
"It was a weird show. i think that thing was called 'a Goon'."

So let's all wish Popeye a happy birthday, and thank him for letting us know that when we're down, all you need to do is look yourself in the eye and remember "I yam what I yam."
Now go eat some spinach for Popeye.

Godspeed, oh Captain, my Captain!

CNN is running a banner ad telling people they can get 3D glasses and see 3D images of Mars (which looks suspiciously like Southern Arizona). But when you go to their site, it leads to a kiddy craft site which REALLY tells you the secret is to have blue and red cellophane.

Bullsh**t!

I don't have blue and red cellophane! Who the hell has blue and red cellophane? Aaron Brown can stick his blue and red cellophane up his blow-dried (censored due to the League's Mom Friendly content rule)!!!!!!

Jim writes:

Dear Melbotis,

Are we just subject to the whims of the fates, or is there free will?

Dear Jim

Mel think about question and he puzzle over for many hour. But Mel think that Mel wake up when radio come on in bedroom, and Mel cannot go potty until alarm go off in bedroom. And Mel not able to open glass door to backyard. So mel must wait for chubby boy-man to open back door. Once in yard, Mel may go pee pee, or Mel may lay in grass and chew on foot. And sometime Mel allowed into house all day where mel sleep on couch, and other time, Mel not allowed on couch. And still other time, Mel stuck outside. But never Mel decision. mel suspects correlation between rain and sunshine, but not quite figure out yet.
Sometime chubby man say "get your fat ass outside!", but Mel just stand and stare at him until chubby man say "Oh, screw it. Now you're stuck inside."
But inside and outside, mel know he have rule to follow. But sometime Mel cannot help Melself, like when Mel inside too long and must pee. mel must pee on carpet. othertime, mel outside and stupid neighbor dog bark at fence, so Mel bark bark bark bark bark until neighbor dog go away. Then cubby man stick head out door and say "Mel! Knock it off, man!" But then stupid neighbor dog coem jump up fence and bark bark bark so Mel bark bark bark... stupid neighbor dog. THen chubby man stick head out door and say "All right, smart guy... get in here!" and Mel must go inside.
Stupid cat does whatever cat want and nobody seem to care.



Jim also writes:

Dear Melbotis,

Is this as good as it gets?

Dear Jim,

Sometime after Mel been dirty for long time, chubby man comes around and says "Get in the tub." And then he point at tub, so I get in tub, and then it kind of wet and cold and slippery, but when Mel come out, Mel is wet. So then white lady is screaming "get outside! get outside!" and chubby man laughs and laughs and laughs. And then Mel wet for a while. But then warmsunshine dry mel off, and man shows up with brushy thing, gives Mel treat and brush Mel, and that as good as it gets.

Okay, confession time, Leaguers. I collect action figures. I know. It's totally nerdy, but it's my obsession and it falls in with me being an even bigger nerd than just a comic collector.

Sigh. Okay. Everyone cool? No.? Shut up.

because I need your help.

I can't find frikkin' Killer Croc anywhere. He's a Batman villain, and Mattel recently released a toy of Killer Croc, but due to the way the toy industry works, Croc has been "short packed". This means that if a store gets a crate of Batman toys, it will have, like, 5 "Fightin' Ninja" Batmans, 5 "Neon Pantsuit" Batmans, 4 "Undersea Clambake" Batmans, and then one "Killer Croc". Apparently only collectors buy the villains, so toy companies short change the stores in every box. This sounds like hogwash to me. I had every Imperial Trooper I could get my hands on when i was a kid. I think they're mistaking dumb, lame villains not selling for villains not selling. Anyhow, end rant...

Here's what Killer Croc looks like. If you see him, let me know. Finding Mr. Freeze was next to impossible, but I did it. I know if we work together, Killer Croc is mine!!!!!

You know, sometimes it's just easier to just put down the crackpipe than get taken in by things like this...

An attorney i know tells me two of his clients were busted using this self-same device.