Jamie turns 31

It's March 25th, which means that we stand on the eve of Peabo's birthday.

It ALSO means that Jamie turns 31 today. In our house, we celebrate birthdays.


flowers and a balloon for the birthday girl

As youc an imagine, much of the celebrating took place while Jamie's parents, my parents and D&K were here. So today has been low-key.

First off was a trip to secure Jamie's birthday donuts, followed by consumption of donuts.

Around 12:00 we headed to Chandler Lanes for some bowling.

My first game in five years I bowled a 133. Not bad if I say so myself. Then I bowled a 95. Jamie bowled over 100 in both games. I loves the bowling, but it's kind of an odd thing to do with just two people and a lack of booze to keep your heand steady.

This afternoon I made a cake.


a birthday cake for a birthday girl


Jamie supplements her first piece of cake with a small addition

All in all, so far, a nice day. Yes, UT lost their game, but we're in a pretty good mood here, anyway. We will soon head for a local Thai restaurant, where I shall order a delicious soup.


Jamie and Lucy enjoy some sunshine. Mel is unpictured as he is retrieving a ball.

Happy birthday, sweetie-pie.


if you look closely, you can see Jeff on the floor enjoying a sunbeam

SNAKES ON A PLANE

People, or more specifically RHPT, keep asking me to discuss "Snakes on a Plane".

I don't actually know anything about "Snakes on a Plane" other than that the title sums up the premise, it stars Samuel L. Jackson, and it's become this weird internt virus thingy.

And, @#$% yeah I'm going to see this movie when it comes out. Snakes on a Plane? Heck, yeah.

For more on "Snakes on a Plane", visit the official "Snakes on a Plane" site here.

Sports Stuff

Amare's back. He scored 20 points and 9 rebounds in his first game of the NBA season.

One other nice touch... The Suns beat the Trailblazers 125-108.

And.... Duke lost. Peabo is in the corner rocking himself and weeping.

The Fabulous Fifth Question

Tamara is the only intelligent contestant, but that means she also won't win this category. Sorry, doll.

Here we discuss TV. We know that 99% of programming is dumb. Even the ridiculous crud they show during the PBS telethons is 78% unwatchable hoo-hah. What's really sad is that TV, when launched, was seen as the great equalizer, allowing anyone to have access to information, anytime, anywhere. Instead, we filled our laughing box with Milton Berle in a dress, lit up the Osmonds, gave Geraldo Rivera a platform and wound up with a show called Temptation Island.

We should all be eradicated like cockroaches.

Anyhoo...


Question #5: It is bad television, and yet I cannot look away


Eric Nordtrom: Dancing with the Stars.

Tamara: Once again, yer movin' pitcher box makes me skeered!

Natalie: Any Houston Texans football game.

Jim D.: This is a tough one. I'd have to say American Idol, which I can't stop watching. I really can't. I probably need help. Someone help me.

Ryan V.: I don’t know if it’s bad, per se, but I love Nip/Tuck. And, like Jimbo, I still tune in to watch American Idol (though I DVR it and usually cover an episode in 1/4 of the time).

Peabo: Nanny 911. It is pure greatness. Some of these kids run the household. Kids like that are the reasons sweatshops were invented.

Denise: Project Runway. I can’t help myself. I like watching gay men in catfights.

RHPT: Drawn Together. It's incredibly vulgar and offensive, but I am compelled to watch anything animated. A close second would be Alias. The show stopped being good long ago, but I'm a creature of habit.

Nathan: The closest thing I can think of is "Dancing with the Stars," which made me smile-a-plenty.

Social Bobcat: Deal or No Deal - it's fun to watch the contestants and their families slowly lose their grip on reasonableness and statistics

Maxwell: Project Runway. Don't look so shocked, Andrae.

Harms: I have so little time I have virtually no time for TV, let alone bad.

Steanso: Wife Swap. When goat-blood-drinking Wiccan high priestesses are mixed with the families of fanatically conservative Bible thumping fundamentalists, comedy gold is bound to ensue.

CrackBass: American Idol. I hate it, but I watch for the train wreck. And I feel like a stupid American that I hate when I do so.

Reed-o: Texas A&M football (editor's note: Knowing Reed the way I do, this made me cry a little bit. Poor little fella.)

D. Loyd: The first weeks of Idol.

Jamie: American Idol. I think I've missed maybe 2 episodes throughout it's entire run. I *know* it's terrible but I can't stop!

The League: This question was inspired by the fact that I wrote these questions while watching a DVR'd Flavor of Love. Many of you will say that DVR has saved you from the floatsam and jetsam of the TV landscape. At The League of Melbotis, it has done nothing but make bad TV all the more convenient.

Yes, it's exactly the same formula as ABC's The Bachelor, but who cares about former cheerleaders who all look like JC Penney's catalog underwear models trying to justify their banality and pursuing the guy from the sport coats section of the Kohl's catalog?

Leaguers, I submit to you... How can I go wrong watching ex-crackhead and hype-man Flava Flav as he is woo'ed by 20 LA dwelling reality TV show bottomfeeders? Flav is not but a 13-year old in a 46 year old man's body. What to do when presented with so many women fighting for your attention? I'll tell you what you do. You repeatedly shout your own name and demand that the girls be "real."

That "New York" chick was also a total bitch.

RESULTS:

What is that, four or five for American Idol and a few for Dancing with the Stars and Project Runway?

American Idol seems to be an odds-on favorite, and given its ratings, I am not surprised a few of you confessed to giving into the addictive quality of the program. You'll note Jamie watches the show, which means The League must suffer through as well. And I'll tell you something, Leaguers: That Ace guy needs a cock punching.

The formula is simple, the drama is simple and gripping. You can even miss a week and pop right back in, learning instantly waht you missed at the beginning of the next week's episodes. Randy and Paula may be remarkable entertainers and/ or musicians, but they are lackluster judges. We all know it's Simon, who says what we're all thinking anyway, who runs that show.

Anyhoo, I can, and frequently do, look away. My recommendation? Listen to Ryan V. The show is about 40% commercials and another 45% filler. DVR the show and then watch before voting time is over. You'll miss Randy's prattling and Paula's drugged-out monologues. Listen to the singer and then Simon and then stand in judgment. This formula has kept our marriage alive.

That said, it is a crap show that we've somehow all come to agree upon. In twenty years, when VH1 is runnin it's "I Heart the 00's" special in some form of meta-postmodern sly winking and nodding, you know kids will stare at the TV and say "THIS was the biggest show on TV? WHY?" And you, you will have no answer.

Who gets the "Boo"? Oh, please. It's totally Harms, who is "too busy" to watch TV. Pfft. You have iTunes and a commute, do you not, Mr. I'm Too Good For Dr. Phil?

Tamara, while confessing she has no TV, showed the proper respect for us couch zombies by showing an adequate level of shame at her no-TV-havin'-lifestyle.

Best response? Me. Because I freakin' love Flava Flav. How is this man not in public office?

I can't do that, can I...?

Oh, heck, It's Steanso and Peabo (and maybe the Social Bobcat). Steanso and Peabo (and maybe the Social Bobcat) get the award for demonstrating the proper level of misanthropy when it comes to reality television subjects.

THE FANTASTIC FOURTH QUESTION

Movies. We all watch them. Some of us decided we'd rather watch movies than getting a real college degree. We've all seen thousands of movies, and a lot of them we can agree are pretty good. Others, we might agree, just suck.

We've already looked at the detritus of the film industry of the past year. Now, let's take a look at what we went into without much in the way of an expectation and walked out pleasantly surprised. A rare quality in a film, indeed.

So, what was my thought provoking query?

You know what was surprisingly good, but you'd never think it? (category: movie)


Eric Nordtrom: Pride and Prejudice.

Tamara: Match Point. I truly didn't believe that Woody Allen had it in him to make another movie worth viewing. And Scarlet Johansen--very tasty, indeed.

Natalie: Hitch -- cute, cute, cute. (Don't tell anyone, though.)

Jim D.: War of the Worlds (which was a very interesting portrayal of the American refugee experience and more serious in tone than most action-adventure alien flicks) and The 40 Year Old Virgin (which, though vulgar, was well written and actually clever, amusing, and possessed some level of heart). So rarely is a film "surprisingly good," though, although there are a few movies here and there which, although not "surprisingly good" may indeed rebut the presumption that they are crap.

Ryan V.: Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith.

Yes, it was over-the-top. But it was still good. After kicking us the crotch for two lifeless, C-SPAN-esque prequels, Lucas finally delivered a dark, enjoyable film.

Peabo: Cinderella Man. I just think it is tough to do a movie that is centered around boxing and avoid it being predictable or cliché. Since it was based on a true story, you knew it may not have a happy ending, and since I didn’t know the history or story of the boxer I really didn’t know how it would end.

Denise: Munich. Saw it on a whim and enjoyed it. Mossad entertaining? Yep.

RHPT: Be Cool. It was a fun, irreverent movie, and Andre 3000 was hilarious.

Nathan: The Phantom of the Opera (musical from last year)

Social Bobcat: Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo - yes, it has Rob Schneider in it and yes, most of his encounters with clients are mildly funny at best, but the main gigolo, gay aquarium repairman, and Eddie Griffith man-pimp more than make up for the cost of admission.

Maxwell: In Her Shoes. A screener was sent to me and I didn't hate it.

Harms: I finally saw Anchorman and it was hilarious. They mis-marketed the hell out of that thing. It should have been sold as an Apatow vehicle (tender, yet humiliating) and not a Will Ferrell vehicle (Puerile, but occasionally hil-aryous, and then usually involving urine).

Apatow / Feig style production triumphed again this year with "40 Year-old Virgin".

Steanso: DeadBirds

CrackBass: Constantine…overcame Keanu, and not nearly as bad as I expected. Does that count?

Reed-o: Sideways

I hate to admit it because it's such a yuppie movie, but I did enjoy it and the actor who was on Wings was pretty funny in it.

Jamie: World's Fastest Indian. Being a regular reader of Entertainment Weekly (I know...for shame! for shame! Hey, it's a great bathroom read) this one shockingly fell beneath my radar.

I can't tell you how long it's been since I saw a movie where I knew absolutely nothing about the premise going in. Enjoyable for Ryan, me, my parents, and his parents, which is not an easy challenge! Very cute movie.

The League: I dunno. Jamie just picked my first selection. I wasn't as wary about 40 Year-old Virgin as some. In Good Company with Scarlett Johannson (sp?), Topher Grace and Dennis Quaid was also a better movie than I thought it would be, even if I felt the ending was a pretty firm departure from reality. I suspect the producers wanted an ending that the original screenplay probably didn't have.

THE RESULTS

I am surprised Jim D. didn't take this opportunity to admit his secret love of King Kong.

No single movie really took the lead here for most responses. Kind of nice. Look at all the movies you have available to you that you didn't know about previously.

The "Boo" goes out to Nordstrom. Pride and Prejudice? You owe us a 200 word explanation of why this one would fall beneath your expectations.

I also get a "boo" for not having a better answer to my own question.

The response answer is a tie between Denise, because she made me laugh, and The Social Bobcat, for actually seeing a Deuce Bigalow movie ans sticking by his guns. I mean, really, how many of you guys bashing Deuce Bigalow actually saw the movie?

V for Vendetta

I did a little comic versus film comparison. You can see it at Nanostalgia.com

Go there now, citizen.

Mellie Awards Special Report: The "Boo"

The League feels the need to step up to the plate and explain the "Boo" which has been appearing in the past few columns.

As we examine the responses of the Loyal Leaguers kind enough to send in answers to the puzzles that plague us here at League HQ, our team of researchers was looking for specific patterns which might help us better define the zeitgeist of the League-o-Sphere, and, possibly, the universe itself.

We noted that many Loyal Leaguers chose to not only take a pass on certain questions, but actively refused to answer some questions. Other Leaguers took such exception that blanket statements criss-crossing entire industries were delivered instead of answering the, admittedly, open-ended question.

Why a "Boo"?

It's all in good fun. Quit taking it so seriously. Geez, louise.

We've decided if anything is more entertaining than taking a stance on an entire industry, it's got to be taking exception to someone not dwelling in the minutia and pettiness that it takes to complete the nomination form for the Mellies.

Here at the Mellies, we like to think of ourselves celebrating the utter inanity of modern life, so we hope you'll understand a little good-natured teasing when you see fit to try to bring up the conversation above a fifth-grade level.

So, why a "boo"? What's a better time than booing people? You've clearly stated your dismissal of another person's ideals in three simple letters which are completely childish and simultaneously end all debate. At least it's not the "talk to the hand" award.