THE TRIUMPHANT TWELFTH QUESTION

AKA: LEAGUE OF MELBOTIS READING LIST

Wow. Getting down to the end here.

Books. Page after page of words and words. Words combine to form meaning, and, with a little syntax and whatnot, you get a thought. Thoughts are usually expressed in a sentence. Piles and piles of sentences all listed one after another make paragraphs. Sometimes all of these tie together, they put it on paper, glue the pieces of paper together, and, voila... a book.

The League mostly reads comics and pornography, but occassionally we'll pick up a novel or work of non-fiction. Usually we won't read enough books. This year I asked for some reading tips and Peabo suggested "Confederates in the Attic" which was an excellent read. I totally recommend it.

So I figured, "Hey, Peabo's barely literate. If he can suggest a decent book, so can other Leaguers." Now is your chance.

Anyhoo... What are YOU reading? And won't you share a book with me?

Question 12:

If I could force you to read but one book, it would be

Eric Nordtrom: Fast Food Nation.

Tamara: The Thanatos Syndrome by Walker Percy--so germane to current debates regarding quality of life vs. value of life . . . and the source ofthe text of one of my tattoos, viz. "Tenderness leads to the gaschambers."

Natalie: The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger (which came out in 2004, but I didn't read it until 2005)

Jim D.: I would force you to read my standard favorites, including anything by Fitzgerald or Hemingway, and of course, The Edge of Sadness by Edwin O'Connor and/or the wonderfully melancholy The Clown by Heinrich Boll. (What does it say about me that I recommend one book with the worth "sadness" in its title and another which I characterize as "wonderfully melancholy"? Yikes.).

Ryan V.: Too hard. So many. Recently, I’ve been pretty blown away with “The Kite Runner,” which I’m 3/4 of the way finished.

Peabo: The gospel of John

Denise: Anything that would make you lean a little less to the left. Will send you the works of George Will in the mail as training wheels.

RHPT: Self-Made Man by Norah Vincent

Nathan: For a Future to be Possible, Thich Nhat Hanh

Social Bobcat: Catch 22 - black wartime humor at its finest

Maxwell: Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser. Fast food is evil. Except for the King. He's dreamy.

Harms: _Snow Crash_ by Neal Stephenson or any of his Baroque cycle books. I realize they are far too long to be easily recommended, but they are full of buckles a-swash and derring-do (and tawdry, ribald sex).

If you want "literature" I liked Ann Patchett's _Bel Canto_.

Steanso: The Necronomicon

CrackBass: Franny and Zooey –JD Salinger. Though I’ve never heard any confirmation, I think it was a major influence of The Royal Tennenbaums. (editor's note: If it wasn't, I'll eat my hat)

Reed-o: Drumming at the Edge of Magic: A Journey into the Spirit of Percussion by Mickey Hart, Jay Stevens, Fredric Lieberman

D. Loyd: Ender's Game, though I detest the author's politics.

Jamie: A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson. Unlike any bookI've read, this nonfiction account of Bryson's attemptto hike the entire Appalacian trail with his extremelyout of shape hiking partner casts brilliant imagery,is informative, and at times hilarious.

The League: Go, Dog, Go! Very compelling. Where ARE those dogs going in their cars?

THE RESULTS:

This is going to e a bit different tonight. I'm going to address books more than people.

Two of you mentioned "Fast Food Nation". I read quite a bit of non-fiction, and others have recommended the book. Maybe now is the time.

Books I have read from this list:

The Book of John
Franny and Zooey

Denise, I've read George's column in Newsweek since high school. And here I sit. The last book I read which tried to sway me from my wild-eyed a-political ways was Sowell's "Visions of the Annointed". That book probably did more to convince me that a single-minded view to political matters is not for me than any other single experience.

I've heard of "Ender's Game". Never read it. Orson Scott Card is currently responsible for "Ultimate Iron Man" by the way. For Sci-Fi I mostly read Asimov and Bradbury, 'cause that's how we roll at The League of Melbotis.

I do confess that Snow Crash has been on my list for about ten years. Or whenever it was I read "The Diamond Age". I picked up the Necronomicon or whatever it was called, but didn't make it past page 40. It was simply too daunting and I wasn't sure I liked it at page 40.

Likewise, Catch-22 has been in my hand a number of times at the book store. Somehow it never makes it to the register. Maybe now?

If anything here sounds interesting, let us know if you decide to pick it up.

I dunno. I got nothing.

All I know is that none of these books will compare to my novel when it comes out. Do you want to hear about it? Well, okay... It's about a.. hey! HEY! Where are you going? This is a website. You can't wander off from a website!

Dammit.

RIP Ann "Banana Nose" Calvello - Queen of Rollerderby

As you may know, The League has become quite a fan of the A&E television program "Rollergirls". The show features the ladies of Texas Rollerderby, AKA Lonestar Rollergirls.

One very special episode featured a trip by a few memebers of TXRD to meet with Rollerderby legend Ann Calvello, for whom TXRD had named their trophy "The Calvello Cup".

Anyhoo, Ann Calvello seemed like a heck of a lady, and she passed in mid-March.
You can read her obit here.

It's Catch up time with D. Loyd

D. Loyd had some other stuff going on and couldn't get his Mellie Noms in during the suggested timeline.

That's cool. We can help a Leaguer out. I promised to post his answers that had not yet seen the light of day. They just don't earn any points.

Yes, the eleventh question is somewhere below. Keep scrolling when you get to the end.

Anyhoo, kudos to D. Loyd. He got his questions in. He just did it sort of late.

1) The person who is always on TV, but whom drives me insane Kevin Bauch of "The Thirsty Traveler". How a guy can be such an annoying jerk and STILL have the best job in the world totally escapes me.

2) Most questionable release from a major movie studio (theatrical release) Brokeback Mountain. It's a great movie, but when has greatness motivated hollywood?

3) Most poorly thought-out band/album/ song Ok, Flamesuit on, but I still can't get Radiohead. Someone help me out?

4) You know what was surprisingly good, but you'd never think it? Ski School

I... Radiohead..? Really? That's okay. I don't get like 98% of the stuff out there. Like what Faustian deal led to Aerosmith not only having a coming back on the back of a rap group, but maintained that popularity for like 15 years afterward.? Or Fitty Sent. Or Kelly Clarkson. Or Kenny Chesney. Or...

Anyhow, thanks for helping out D. Loyd.

Ya'll go to town on D. Loyd.

The Elusive Eleventh Question

The King. My earliest memories of the place include collector's glasses of some 70's era pop-culture phenomena. Possibly Superman and/ or King Kong.

Years later Steanso would demonstrate exactly what happens when you breathe in too much helium and too little oxygen off the helium tank with the King's head attached to it. He went down like a sack of potatos, Leaguers. Later, it would also be the first place he would lock his keys in his bitchin' Camaro.

I loves me some BK, when I'm in the mood for greasy food. So, tonight, a tribute to BK.

Question 11:

Best item at Burger King

Eric Nordtrom: The free bullets at the one around the corner from our new house.

Tamara: Chicken Tenders with Zesty Onion Ring Sauce. Get over your pressed-meat fears and embrace the batter-dipped, oddly-spongey goodness of the King!

Natalie: It has to be the little crown-shaped chicken nuggets. You can't go wrong with food in shapes.

Jim D.: There's nothing quite like a flame broiled Whopper, although for those of us who live in Beaumont, there was no local Burger King for quite some time. Apparently, whoever owned the local BK joints abandoned them, and for several years, they lay dormant here in our fair city. They were empty shells, waiting for the chance to reopen. It was not until recently that they did finally open their doors, although I have not visited.

I bet you thought I was going to say chicken fries.

Ryan V: The Whopper.

Peabo: Burger bundles (no longer served). Tiny but tasty.

Denise: -Whopper Jr. No mayo.

RHPT: None. Every time I go there, I end up with a nasty tummy ache for three days.

Nathan: The actually have really good onion rings, which are not really made from round onions, but kind of this onion mash that is formed into a ring and deep-fried.

Social Bobcat: -Classic Whopper, flame-broiled baby!

Maxwell: The King. He's so strong and silent.

Harms: Double cheeseburger. Big, but not too big. Tasty, and then another hit of
tasty.

Steanso: triple whopper. You don't buy it. You rent it.

CrackBass: French toast sticks., but didn’t they used to have something with some frosting? Mini-cinnamon rolls. Those were better.

Reed-o: Coca-Cola

D. Loyd: Chicken Fries.

Jamie: This item is no longer being offered, but Burger Buddies! Not only were they cute, they were the perfect amount of food.

The League: I have to go with the double-whopper with cheese. Yes, it leaves a mess, but is any other fast food burger as flame broiled and delicious? The answer: No. But Wendy's does pretty well, too.

THE RESULTS

The Whopper (aka - The Wooper) is a favorite. How can that be a surprise? It's the bedrock of the BK Castle.

Two of you (Peabo and Jamie) selected the same discontinued item. I might add, restaurants are now serving tiny burgers called "Sliders". You should look into them. That may be a West Coast thing. I don't know.

D. Loyd loses 5 points for his mad appreciation of Chicken Fries. THey are not welcome here at The League.

Reed-o gets the "Boo" for picking a Coke and a Smile. C'mon, Reed... you must be eating something on the menu. I refuse to believe between your friendships with Steanso and Griegor that you don't occasionally pop into BK.

The "?" goes out to RHPT who might want to see a doctor about that.

Nathan gets double points for bravery for knowing what's in an onion ring and STILL praising it.
Nat and Tamara are the crown-nugget fiends, which I find hilarious. Crown-shaped chicken. Must investigate...

Steanso... ah... hmmm... you're on your own, Hoss.

Eric needs to move.

And Maxwell gets the most points of the night for redefining how I view her sexuality with a few simple words.


S-E-X-X-X-Y

MADMAN OR GENIUS...?

Why has this man threatened to punch The League in the face?

And why, with the other movies in his cue, is he also planning to watch "Saw 2"? Does this mean he found "Saw" entertaining enough to come back for a second round?

Hmmm...

UPDATES AND WHATNOT

Hello, Leaguers. Hope all is well.

Well, I haven't been doing much lately in the way of blogging. I mean, actually maintaining a web-based log of my thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams and minutia which consumes my waking moments.

You may notice that I have added some items regarding the upcoming release of the WB feature film "Superman Returns" to the left hand menu. Yes, the menu bar is looking like a rubbish sale, but those were the elements provided by WB as part of their "Webmaster" program. Sadly, I am totally awful with code of any kind, so what you see if what you get. This stuff will go away after the release of the movie (June 30th!)

You may also notice the poll I put up. Please participate if you have time. It's free. If you have no opinion... well, may God have mercy on your soul.

We should be wrapping up questions 11- 14 in short order.

The four League-centric survey questions which were asked may or may not be covered. I'm still trying to decide if those will be used for quality control or if we'll be blogging your actual responses. And, if so, how...? After all, I did ask what you wanted covered. Do I actually cover what you asked? Hmmm...

I do confess to some weariness with the Mellies. A lot of it has to do with my utter lack of preparation. More importantly, way more people responded that I expected. Each post each night takes about an hour of cutting, pasting, formatting, coming up with my own responses, coming up with an intro and, finally, the Results.

Yeah, an hour.

So right now I've logged somewhere around 12- 15 hours on this, including coming up with questions, responding to e-mails, etc... If The League should be sending anyone a gift for participating, it's The League. And maybe Mel and Lucy for hanging out with me while I work on my posts.

It's actually been a bit of fun, and we got through the post I was most concerned about causing a stir without too much fuss. Thank you, politically minded-folk, for staying your hands and tongues. You guys made it fun by sharing a lot about yourselves, and I think, despite the fact that I haven't met a lot of you, I'm getting to know you. All of, with the obvious exception of RHPT, seem like people with whom I'd want to split a pitcher.

I hope you guys are enjoying all of this. If not, I'm quitting. I could be using all of this time talking about the greatness of Superman.

Anyway, here's a picture of Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman. I've been watching the Wonder Woman Season 1 DVD set. I've got Wonder Woman on the brain.

THE TOP-DRAWER TENTH QUESTION

Time Travel. It's completely impossible (sorry Star Trek), and the very concept drives Jim D. into a mad frenzy for reasons he will actually go into all on his own. Yet film after film and cheap paperback after cheap paperback and an endless flood of comics and Twilight Zone episodes dwell on the possibility of "yeah, but what if...?" Plus, Jim kept bugging me about a time travel paradox question and some book he'd just read while I was working on my list.

So, we at The League of Melbotis, felt a time-travel question was a good one to ask Loyal Leaguers. After all, you all seem like a mass of insecurity and regret. But you can't really do this right without giving people a chance to change both themself and the world.

On to the question...

Question 10:

If I had a time machine with a single use, and my time travelling would not be filled with all sorts of crazy logic problems, I would go back to fix this one thing this year
--in my personal life
--on a more macrocosmic level

Eric Nordtrom:

--in my personal life
I wouldn't have allowed that thief to get ahold of my debit card number.
--on a more macrocosmic level
I'd have gone back to the Sunday before the levees broke, and chartered a convoy of buses to take everyone from New Orleans to ...
Ohio.


Tamara:

--in my personal life:

Switch actual LSAT score with best practice LSAT score. Come to think of it: Switch out actual day-to-day life generally with best practice day-to-day life.

--on a more macrocosmic level:

(editor's note: no answer)


Natalie:

--in my personal life: My marriage, but I truly believe it was unfixable (if that's a word).
--on a more macrocosmic level: The evacuation plan for New Orleans -- they should have bussed people out BEFORE the hurricane not after.

Jim D.:

First off, I don't believe you can use time travel to go back and "fix" anything. This is what irks me about time travel fiction in film and books. For the literary theory of time travel to be consistent, the time traveler can only play a role (known or more likely, unknown) in bringing about that which is already happened. He or she may attempt to change things or to bring about a different history, but whatever he or she does, he or she will only influence history in a way that will bring about the history we already know. So, on that level, this question is moot. But I don't think The League was seeking quite a nerdy objection to its question, so I must proceed.

--in my personal life

I doubt there is anything "this year" that I would go back and change. Really, any ripple effect from a temporal change would need to begin at least several years ago, as my life has been mostly the same for quite some time. I might go back to the summer of 1998 and tell myself to accept the job in Manhattan. I wonder how my life would have ended up if I had taken that job. Would I still be in NYC? Would I have ever gone to law school? If so, would I have gone to Baylor? What would I be doing now? Where would I be? Would you be reading this right now? Would the Mellies exist? Would the League's site? I might go back to 1994 and tell myself to study abroad (or at least, study more at home).

--on a more macrocosmic level

I don't know if I would want the responsibility of changing something on the macrocosmic level. I suppose the proper answer is to warn of or attempt to prevent some type of disaster or attack. I don't know what I would do. I would probably just prevent George Lucas from making (or remaking or reworking or redoing) any film after Empire Strikes Back). Sure, we would lose Indy, but I'm comfortable with that, especially since they are soon to ruin that franchise with a new sequel (and the second and third installments weren't that good to begin with, anyway).


Ryan V.:

--in my personal life
--on a more macrocosmic level

I have no regrets. Or at least I’m not admitting them on my public blog.


Peabo:

--in my personal life
Never make someone who has done nothing to prove his value a partner in your firm.

--on a more macrocosmic level
I might have told that guy to hold off on the cartoon of Mohammed. Not that I have a problem with it in any way, but lots of people died. Over a cartoon. A cartoon. But military action is not the way to resolve problems, we should really get the angry cartoon killers back at the negotiating table. I’m sure there is a lot of fruitful discussion to be had with people who advocate the wholesale destruction of another nation and deny the Holocaust ever happened. These people clearly have the mindset to reach a compromise and a roadmap to peace.


Denise:

-None come to mind. I might not be the same person if I changed past events. You know….don’t mess with the whole “space-time continuum”

RHPT:

• in my personal life

Clearly I would fix my failure to win a single Powerball drawing.

• on a more macrocosmic level

Hurricane Katrina. I don't know how, but that's what I would fix.

Nathan:
--in my personal life: I'd eat better.
--on a more macrocosmic level: I'd help evacuate people from New Orleans sooner.

Social Bobcat:

--in my personal life
-would have called my grandfather on his birthday

--on a more macrocosmic level
-would have called my grandfather on his birthday to tell him that i'd just won a million dollars on sports gambling in Vegas


Maxwell:

--in my personal life:
I had an interview at a network and I was offered coffee and I took it and I was drinking my coffee in the interview and I missed my mouth in the interview and spilled the coffee on myself. And uh. I wouldn't do that.

--on a more macrocosmic level:
More recycling.


Harms:
--in my personal life
My personal life has never been better. I'm in love with my girlfriend and think she's the best girlfriend ever.

--on a more macrocosmic level
I'd like to record every failure of communication within all levels of government in terms of Katrina. I'd like to show this to the world as a demonstration of why great companies fail and why a "CEO president" is something we should run away from, fast.


Steanso:

personal- go back in time and get out of my old job much sooner. I kept working there in the hopes that things would get better, but they just got worse and worse and finally I got laid off.

macrocosmic- I'd go back and warn those New Orleanians that Hurricane Katrina was bringing her own little judgement day along with her.


CrackBass:

--in my personal life: quit old job sooner, taken more time off in between old and new jobs
--on a more macrocosmic level:
eliminate dick cheney and or karl rove

Reed-o:
--in my personal life

Valentine's Day 2006 (don't even ask; let's just say I screwed up on this day for the first time in the 13 years that we have been going out / married)

And if I could go back farther than this year, the Wilson Festivus 2004 party

--on a more macrocosmic level

I can't even began to narrow this down. It would be any number of the rotten things that our government has done to the world and it's own citizens over the past year. I would do everthing in my power to stop it. I don't have any more time to pick out one specific thing (sorry, it's 12:30 CST on March 15th).

D. Loyd: Too early to say.
--in my personal life. Family issues.
--on a more macrocosmic level. Aliens!

Jamie:
Personal - I would have gone to my plasmapheresis treatments more often. Maybe I wouldn't be on dialysis now if I had.

Macrocosmic - I would have evacuated everyone from the New Orleans/Gulf Coast area and have improved the levees to handle a category 5 hurricane. This is all prior to Katrina, of course.

The League:

Personal - I would not have shot that man in Reno just to watch him die.

ah, heck... I would probably not have spent each and every weekend watching VH1. I probably would have tried to make something of my life. Whoops. Too late.

Also, probably should have tried to train Lucy at some point.

MacroCosmic - Stopped Galactus, Eater of Planets, from destroying Marklarr VII, home of a crystalline intelligence unlike any known in the 4 quadrants of the Faizuul Nebula.

Also, maybe, done some Paul Revere work to try to save New Orleans and/ or the residents.


RESULTS:

How do some of you have no regrets from the past year? Jesus. That's some serious confidence. Or something.

I think we're agreed that Katrina blew chunks. As well as Rita (sorry about all that displacement, Jim D.).

Mr. Bobcat gets special points for maybe winning a million dollars (I have some great investment opportunities if you're looking to make a lot of money in the Arizona Ocean-Front Property business. Actually, that's the plot to Superman I, isn't it?).

For a guy who actually was kicked out of his home for a few weeks by a natural disaster, Jim D. remains philosophical. However, he was a Rita victim and probably knew to get the hell out of the way.

Harms probably meant to be darling, but I've noticed his girlfriend is now in every answer. I may need to start making fun of you now.

Tamara gets triple points for the "LSAT" response.

Nat, didn't know about the divorce. The guy was a bastard and you're better off without him. Now, if you're looking to start over and are looking for a guy who is a lot like, uh... Chewbacca... may I suggest Steanso..? He's a unique fixer-upper-opportunity.

Peabo, I just want to know how you would phrase it to the Danish cartoonist that their doodle was going to lead to dozens to deaths and weeks of rioting without making him think you were some sort of loony doomsday prophet.

Jamie's medical history isn't much to snicker about, and we're really not sure if extra pheresis would have helped. To be truthful, she seemed to be getting sick from the treatments for a while there, so I dunno what I would have done differently. Last year sucked.

I can also say that, if I knew more than five of you were going to respond, my list of questions would have been a lot shorter. Getting these results up has officially turned into work. When was the last time I had a normal post? Ah, hell... you monkeys probably are enjoying this more than the usual Superman-related post.