Saturday I wound up going to see
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer.
I might also add that due to logistical reasons, this was the first time in months I've been to a movie anywhere by the Alamo, and while the crowd was really good, it just isn't the same going to a movie when I can't drink a beer and eat a pizza.
Anyhow, the past few years have seen superhero movies which have defied all previous expectations, merging special effects, well crafted stories and respect for the source material to bring terrific entertainment to the screen. In no way should you make the mistake of believeing FF: RotSS, is to be included among these films.
FF: RotSS is a bit of a throwback to 80's era comic adaptations wherein the source material was briefly glanced at, and a few production designers who may have done their homework slipped in a bit or two from the original comics, but otherwise, the movie was pretty clearly not taken terribly seriously as producers cashed in and tried to keep a straight face when reporters asked them about what drew them to the material.
In this movie, any memory of Sue Storm as a brilliant scientist is swept under the rug as she's offered the task of Reed's girlfriend/ administrative assistant, while mostly whining a lot about a fancy wedding (oh, you girls and your romantic notions!). Sue is one of my favorite Marvel characters, and its disappointing to see her reimagined as an "E! Network" watching girl who has defined herself by her relationship with Mr. Fantastic. Reed is unable to remember he's about to get married, the Thing is... uncharacteristically happy throughout the film, and Johnny comes to some sort of nebulous conclusion about not being a jerk. I think.
The whole thing has the production value of a late 90's TV movie, with some upped CGI. That said, a lot of Reed's stretching looks... not good. And Michael Chiklis as Ben Grimm is hammy enough that one expects a trombone after each line to blurt out a "wahhh-waaahhhhhhh". Plus, man, that makeup sucks. If we can have a CGI Surfer, why not a CGI Thing?
The threats in this film are double as Victor Von Doom returns from the dead and... I dunno. That guy is nowhere close to the Von Doom of the comics, although the script does play toward Doom's tendency to always try to tilt the game in his favor. But this Von Doom is like a smarmy Owen Wilson character more than an Eastern European monarch hellbent on worldwide domination.
For being mostly a well mimed CGI effect (thank Pan's Labyrinth's Doug Jones) The Silver Surfer seems to be partaking in a completely different, far less stupid movie. Based loosely on the original FF comics featuring Galactus and the Surfer, the Surfer arrives ahead of Galactus as his herald, preparing Earth for his master's arrival. The Surfer seemingly believes he has no choice in the matter, and goes numbly about his tasks until confronted by the FF.
From here, things sort of go downhill for the FF as the bravery of their task from the 2/3rd points in the movie mostly seems to consist of breaking the Silver Surfer out of jail and then getting their butts handed to them by Doom. The actual presence of Galactus and mode of defeating the planet eater from the comics (which didn't leave the FF acting like slack jawed yokels, but Reed figuring out how to freak Galactus out by threatening existence if Galactus didn't back off) isn't invoked. Instead, it's a bit more abstract, and nebulous. It works, but it means that at no pint in the movie do the FF actually succeed at anything they attempt aside from running away. They just don't seem all that competent. And the final plan when Johny Storm does leap into action actually contradicts everything we thought we knew about the problems we believed he was having with his powers.
The producers also decided that of all the things in the FF comics to scrap, the one thing which just wouldn't work was Galactus' physical appearance. So, he's a cloud. Which is very Star Trek Next Generation, but not very satisfying. The movies are already horribly devoid of the Kirby styling which defined the comics for decades, so it would have been nice to see
our guy, who has one of the most stylized appearances in comicdom... but, no... we get a sort of silhouette glimpse of his helmet.
BTW, I also think Ultimate Galactus blows. Bugs? Come on, man...
The movie is full of cute/dumb moments, meant to play to the same crowd who really likes Rob Schneider movies and who roared at the trailer for "Daddy Day Care 2: Daddy Day Camp" (Eddie Murphy was apparently too busy for this sequel, so cue Cuba Gooding "My Career is Over" Jr.). You can almost imagine the story session in which the writers thought NOTHING would advance the story like a dance sequence featuring Reed "stretch-o" Richards. It's funny 'cause he's strechy and stuff.
Oh, and the product placement... including a "It's got a hemi!" joke during some awkward Dodge product placement.
I really didn't have high hopes for this movie, and it still stunk. Weirdly, the portions featuring The Silver Surfer operate on a whole different level that, had the rest of the movie shown that sort of care, might have made for an enjoyable film.
This, however, is not that movie.
