THE TRIUMPHANT TWELFTH QUESTION
AKA: LEAGUE OF MELBOTIS READING LIST
Wow. Getting down to the end here.
Books. Page after page of words and words. Words combine to form meaning, and, with a little syntax and whatnot, you get a thought. Thoughts are usually expressed in a sentence. Piles and piles of sentences all listed one after another make paragraphs. Sometimes all of these tie together, they put it on paper, glue the pieces of paper together, and, voila... a book.
The League mostly reads comics and pornography, but occassionally we'll pick up a novel or work of non-fiction. Usually we won't read enough books. This year I asked for some reading tips and Peabo suggested "Confederates in the Attic" which was an excellent read. I totally recommend it.
So I figured, "Hey, Peabo's barely literate. If he can suggest a decent book, so can other Leaguers." Now is your chance.
Anyhoo... What are YOU reading? And won't you share a book with me?
Question 12:
If I could force you to read but one book, it would be
Eric Nordtrom: Fast Food Nation.
Tamara: The Thanatos Syndrome by Walker Percy--so germane to current debates regarding quality of life vs. value of life . . . and the source ofthe text of one of my tattoos, viz. "Tenderness leads to the gaschambers."
Natalie: The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger (which came out in 2004, but I didn't read it until 2005)
Jim D.: I would force you to read my standard favorites, including anything by Fitzgerald or Hemingway, and of course, The Edge of Sadness by Edwin O'Connor and/or the wonderfully melancholy The Clown by Heinrich Boll. (What does it say about me that I recommend one book with the worth "sadness" in its title and another which I characterize as "wonderfully melancholy"? Yikes.).
Ryan V.: Too hard. So many. Recently, I’ve been pretty blown away with “The Kite Runner,” which I’m 3/4 of the way finished.
Peabo: The gospel of John
Denise: Anything that would make you lean a little less to the left. Will send you the works of George Will in the mail as training wheels.
RHPT: Self-Made Man by Norah Vincent
Nathan: For a Future to be Possible, Thich Nhat Hanh
Social Bobcat: Catch 22 - black wartime humor at its finest
Maxwell: Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser. Fast food is evil. Except for the King. He's dreamy.
Harms: _Snow Crash_ by Neal Stephenson or any of his Baroque cycle books. I realize they are far too long to be easily recommended, but they are full of buckles a-swash and derring-do (and tawdry, ribald sex).
If you want "literature" I liked Ann Patchett's _Bel Canto_.
Steanso: The Necronomicon
CrackBass: Franny and Zooey –JD Salinger. Though I’ve never heard any confirmation, I think it was a major influence of The Royal Tennenbaums. (editor's note: If it wasn't, I'll eat my hat)
Reed-o: Drumming at the Edge of Magic: A Journey into the Spirit of Percussion by Mickey Hart, Jay Stevens, Fredric Lieberman
D. Loyd: Ender's Game, though I detest the author's politics.
Jamie: A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson. Unlike any bookI've read, this nonfiction account of Bryson's attemptto hike the entire Appalacian trail with his extremelyout of shape hiking partner casts brilliant imagery,is informative, and at times hilarious.
The League: Go, Dog, Go! Very compelling. Where ARE those dogs going in their cars?
THE RESULTS:
This is going to e a bit different tonight. I'm going to address books more than people.
Two of you mentioned "Fast Food Nation". I read quite a bit of non-fiction, and others have recommended the book. Maybe now is the time.
Books I have read from this list:
The Book of John
Franny and Zooey
Denise, I've read George's column in Newsweek since high school. And here I sit. The last book I read which tried to sway me from my wild-eyed a-political ways was Sowell's "Visions of the Annointed". That book probably did more to convince me that a single-minded view to political matters is not for me than any other single experience.
I've heard of "Ender's Game". Never read it. Orson Scott Card is currently responsible for "Ultimate Iron Man" by the way. For Sci-Fi I mostly read Asimov and Bradbury, 'cause that's how we roll at The League of Melbotis.
I do confess that Snow Crash has been on my list for about ten years. Or whenever it was I read "The Diamond Age". I picked up the Necronomicon or whatever it was called, but didn't make it past page 40. It was simply too daunting and I wasn't sure I liked it at page 40.
Likewise, Catch-22 has been in my hand a number of times at the book store. Somehow it never makes it to the register. Maybe now?
If anything here sounds interesting, let us know if you decide to pick it up.
I dunno. I got nothing.
All I know is that none of these books will compare to my novel when it comes out. Do you want to hear about it? Well, okay... It's about a.. hey! HEY! Where are you going? This is a website. You can't wander off from a website!
Dammit.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
RIP Ann "Banana Nose" Calvello - Queen of Rollerderby
As you may know, The League has become quite a fan of the A&E television program "Rollergirls". The show features the ladies of Texas Rollerderby, AKA Lonestar Rollergirls.
One very special episode featured a trip by a few memebers of TXRD to meet with Rollerderby legend Ann Calvello, for whom TXRD had named their trophy "The Calvello Cup".
Anyhoo, Ann Calvello seemed like a heck of a lady, and she passed in mid-March.
You can read her obit here.
As you may know, The League has become quite a fan of the A&E television program "Rollergirls". The show features the ladies of Texas Rollerderby, AKA Lonestar Rollergirls.
One very special episode featured a trip by a few memebers of TXRD to meet with Rollerderby legend Ann Calvello, for whom TXRD had named their trophy "The Calvello Cup".
Anyhoo, Ann Calvello seemed like a heck of a lady, and she passed in mid-March.
You can read her obit here.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
It's Catch up time with D. Loyd
D. Loyd had some other stuff going on and couldn't get his Mellie Noms in during the suggested timeline.
That's cool. We can help a Leaguer out. I promised to post his answers that had not yet seen the light of day. They just don't earn any points.
Yes, the eleventh question is somewhere below. Keep scrolling when you get to the end.
Anyhoo, kudos to D. Loyd. He got his questions in. He just did it sort of late.
1) The person who is always on TV, but whom drives me insane Kevin Bauch of "The Thirsty Traveler". How a guy can be such an annoying jerk and STILL have the best job in the world totally escapes me.
2) Most questionable release from a major movie studio (theatrical release) Brokeback Mountain. It's a great movie, but when has greatness motivated hollywood?
3) Most poorly thought-out band/album/ song Ok, Flamesuit on, but I still can't get Radiohead. Someone help me out?
4) You know what was surprisingly good, but you'd never think it? Ski School
I... Radiohead..? Really? That's okay. I don't get like 98% of the stuff out there. Like what Faustian deal led to Aerosmith not only having a coming back on the back of a rap group, but maintained that popularity for like 15 years afterward.? Or Fitty Sent. Or Kelly Clarkson. Or Kenny Chesney. Or...
Anyhow, thanks for helping out D. Loyd.
Ya'll go to town on D. Loyd.
D. Loyd had some other stuff going on and couldn't get his Mellie Noms in during the suggested timeline.
That's cool. We can help a Leaguer out. I promised to post his answers that had not yet seen the light of day. They just don't earn any points.
Yes, the eleventh question is somewhere below. Keep scrolling when you get to the end.
Anyhoo, kudos to D. Loyd. He got his questions in. He just did it sort of late.
1) The person who is always on TV, but whom drives me insane Kevin Bauch of "The Thirsty Traveler". How a guy can be such an annoying jerk and STILL have the best job in the world totally escapes me.
2) Most questionable release from a major movie studio (theatrical release) Brokeback Mountain. It's a great movie, but when has greatness motivated hollywood?
3) Most poorly thought-out band/album/ song Ok, Flamesuit on, but I still can't get Radiohead. Someone help me out?
4) You know what was surprisingly good, but you'd never think it? Ski School
I... Radiohead..? Really? That's okay. I don't get like 98% of the stuff out there. Like what Faustian deal led to Aerosmith not only having a coming back on the back of a rap group, but maintained that popularity for like 15 years afterward.? Or Fitty Sent. Or Kelly Clarkson. Or Kenny Chesney. Or...
Anyhow, thanks for helping out D. Loyd.
Ya'll go to town on D. Loyd.
The Elusive Eleventh Question
The King. My earliest memories of the place include collector's glasses of some 70's era pop-culture phenomena. Possibly Superman and/ or King Kong.
Years later Steanso would demonstrate exactly what happens when you breathe in too much helium and too little oxygen off the helium tank with the King's head attached to it. He went down like a sack of potatos, Leaguers. Later, it would also be the first place he would lock his keys in his bitchin' Camaro.
I loves me some BK, when I'm in the mood for greasy food. So, tonight, a tribute to BK.
Question 11:
Best item at Burger King
Eric Nordtrom: The free bullets at the one around the corner from our new house.
Tamara: Chicken Tenders with Zesty Onion Ring Sauce. Get over your pressed-meat fears and embrace the batter-dipped, oddly-spongey goodness of the King!
Natalie: It has to be the little crown-shaped chicken nuggets. You can't go wrong with food in shapes.
Jim D.: There's nothing quite like a flame broiled Whopper, although for those of us who live in Beaumont, there was no local Burger King for quite some time. Apparently, whoever owned the local BK joints abandoned them, and for several years, they lay dormant here in our fair city. They were empty shells, waiting for the chance to reopen. It was not until recently that they did finally open their doors, although I have not visited.
I bet you thought I was going to say chicken fries.
Ryan V: The Whopper.
Peabo: Burger bundles (no longer served). Tiny but tasty.
Denise: -Whopper Jr. No mayo.
RHPT: None. Every time I go there, I end up with a nasty tummy ache for three days.
Nathan: The actually have really good onion rings, which are not really made from round onions, but kind of this onion mash that is formed into a ring and deep-fried.
Social Bobcat: -Classic Whopper, flame-broiled baby!
Maxwell: The King. He's so strong and silent.
Harms: Double cheeseburger. Big, but not too big. Tasty, and then another hit of
tasty.
Steanso: triple whopper. You don't buy it. You rent it.
CrackBass: French toast sticks., but didn’t they used to have something with some frosting? Mini-cinnamon rolls. Those were better.
Reed-o: Coca-Cola
D. Loyd: Chicken Fries.
Jamie: This item is no longer being offered, but Burger Buddies! Not only were they cute, they were the perfect amount of food.
The League: I have to go with the double-whopper with cheese. Yes, it leaves a mess, but is any other fast food burger as flame broiled and delicious? The answer: No. But Wendy's does pretty well, too.
THE RESULTS
The Whopper (aka - The Wooper) is a favorite. How can that be a surprise? It's the bedrock of the BK Castle.
Two of you (Peabo and Jamie) selected the same discontinued item. I might add, restaurants are now serving tiny burgers called "Sliders". You should look into them. That may be a West Coast thing. I don't know.
D. Loyd loses 5 points for his mad appreciation of Chicken Fries. THey are not welcome here at The League.
Reed-o gets the "Boo" for picking a Coke and a Smile. C'mon, Reed... you must be eating something on the menu. I refuse to believe between your friendships with Steanso and Griegor that you don't occasionally pop into BK.
The "?" goes out to RHPT who might want to see a doctor about that.
Nathan gets double points for bravery for knowing what's in an onion ring and STILL praising it.
Nat and Tamara are the crown-nugget fiends, which I find hilarious. Crown-shaped chicken. Must investigate...
Steanso... ah... hmmm... you're on your own, Hoss.
Eric needs to move.
And Maxwell gets the most points of the night for redefining how I view her sexuality with a few simple words.
S-E-X-X-X-Y
The King. My earliest memories of the place include collector's glasses of some 70's era pop-culture phenomena. Possibly Superman and/ or King Kong.
Years later Steanso would demonstrate exactly what happens when you breathe in too much helium and too little oxygen off the helium tank with the King's head attached to it. He went down like a sack of potatos, Leaguers. Later, it would also be the first place he would lock his keys in his bitchin' Camaro.
I loves me some BK, when I'm in the mood for greasy food. So, tonight, a tribute to BK.
Question 11:
Best item at Burger King
Eric Nordtrom: The free bullets at the one around the corner from our new house.
Tamara: Chicken Tenders with Zesty Onion Ring Sauce. Get over your pressed-meat fears and embrace the batter-dipped, oddly-spongey goodness of the King!
Natalie: It has to be the little crown-shaped chicken nuggets. You can't go wrong with food in shapes.
Jim D.: There's nothing quite like a flame broiled Whopper, although for those of us who live in Beaumont, there was no local Burger King for quite some time. Apparently, whoever owned the local BK joints abandoned them, and for several years, they lay dormant here in our fair city. They were empty shells, waiting for the chance to reopen. It was not until recently that they did finally open their doors, although I have not visited.
I bet you thought I was going to say chicken fries.
Ryan V: The Whopper.
Peabo: Burger bundles (no longer served). Tiny but tasty.
Denise: -Whopper Jr. No mayo.
RHPT: None. Every time I go there, I end up with a nasty tummy ache for three days.
Nathan: The actually have really good onion rings, which are not really made from round onions, but kind of this onion mash that is formed into a ring and deep-fried.
Social Bobcat: -Classic Whopper, flame-broiled baby!
Maxwell: The King. He's so strong and silent.
Harms: Double cheeseburger. Big, but not too big. Tasty, and then another hit of
tasty.
Steanso: triple whopper. You don't buy it. You rent it.
CrackBass: French toast sticks., but didn’t they used to have something with some frosting? Mini-cinnamon rolls. Those were better.
Reed-o: Coca-Cola
D. Loyd: Chicken Fries.
Jamie: This item is no longer being offered, but Burger Buddies! Not only were they cute, they were the perfect amount of food.
The League: I have to go with the double-whopper with cheese. Yes, it leaves a mess, but is any other fast food burger as flame broiled and delicious? The answer: No. But Wendy's does pretty well, too.
THE RESULTS
The Whopper (aka - The Wooper) is a favorite. How can that be a surprise? It's the bedrock of the BK Castle.
Two of you (Peabo and Jamie) selected the same discontinued item. I might add, restaurants are now serving tiny burgers called "Sliders". You should look into them. That may be a West Coast thing. I don't know.
D. Loyd loses 5 points for his mad appreciation of Chicken Fries. THey are not welcome here at The League.
Reed-o gets the "Boo" for picking a Coke and a Smile. C'mon, Reed... you must be eating something on the menu. I refuse to believe between your friendships with Steanso and Griegor that you don't occasionally pop into BK.
The "?" goes out to RHPT who might want to see a doctor about that.
Nathan gets double points for bravery for knowing what's in an onion ring and STILL praising it.
Nat and Tamara are the crown-nugget fiends, which I find hilarious. Crown-shaped chicken. Must investigate...
Steanso... ah... hmmm... you're on your own, Hoss.
Eric needs to move.
And Maxwell gets the most points of the night for redefining how I view her sexuality with a few simple words.
S-E-X-X-X-Y
MADMAN OR GENIUS...?
Why has this man threatened to punch The League in the face?
And why, with the other movies in his cue, is he also planning to watch "Saw 2"? Does this mean he found "Saw" entertaining enough to come back for a second round?
Hmmm...
Why has this man threatened to punch The League in the face?
And why, with the other movies in his cue, is he also planning to watch "Saw 2"? Does this mean he found "Saw" entertaining enough to come back for a second round?
Hmmm...
Sunday, April 02, 2006
UPDATES AND WHATNOT
Hello, Leaguers. Hope all is well.
Well, I haven't been doing much lately in the way of blogging. I mean, actually maintaining a web-based log of my thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams and minutia which consumes my waking moments.
You may notice that I have added some items regarding the upcoming release of the WB feature film "Superman Returns" to the left hand menu. Yes, the menu bar is looking like a rubbish sale, but those were the elements provided by WB as part of their "Webmaster" program. Sadly, I am totally awful with code of any kind, so what you see if what you get. This stuff will go away after the release of the movie (June 30th!)
You may also notice the poll I put up. Please participate if you have time. It's free. If you have no opinion... well, may God have mercy on your soul.
We should be wrapping up questions 11- 14 in short order.
The four League-centric survey questions which were asked may or may not be covered. I'm still trying to decide if those will be used for quality control or if we'll be blogging your actual responses. And, if so, how...? After all, I did ask what you wanted covered. Do I actually cover what you asked? Hmmm...
I do confess to some weariness with the Mellies. A lot of it has to do with my utter lack of preparation. More importantly, way more people responded that I expected. Each post each night takes about an hour of cutting, pasting, formatting, coming up with my own responses, coming up with an intro and, finally, the Results.
Yeah, an hour.
So right now I've logged somewhere around 12- 15 hours on this, including coming up with questions, responding to e-mails, etc... If The League should be sending anyone a gift for participating, it's The League. And maybe Mel and Lucy for hanging out with me while I work on my posts.
It's actually been a bit of fun, and we got through the post I was most concerned about causing a stir without too much fuss. Thank you, politically minded-folk, for staying your hands and tongues. You guys made it fun by sharing a lot about yourselves, and I think, despite the fact that I haven't met a lot of you, I'm getting to know you. All of, with the obvious exception of RHPT, seem like people with whom I'd want to split a pitcher.
I hope you guys are enjoying all of this. If not, I'm quitting. I could be using all of this time talking about the greatness of Superman.
Anyway, here's a picture of Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman. I've been watching the Wonder Woman Season 1 DVD set. I've got Wonder Woman on the brain.
Hello, Leaguers. Hope all is well.
Well, I haven't been doing much lately in the way of blogging. I mean, actually maintaining a web-based log of my thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams and minutia which consumes my waking moments.
You may notice that I have added some items regarding the upcoming release of the WB feature film "Superman Returns" to the left hand menu. Yes, the menu bar is looking like a rubbish sale, but those were the elements provided by WB as part of their "Webmaster" program. Sadly, I am totally awful with code of any kind, so what you see if what you get. This stuff will go away after the release of the movie (June 30th!)
You may also notice the poll I put up. Please participate if you have time. It's free. If you have no opinion... well, may God have mercy on your soul.
We should be wrapping up questions 11- 14 in short order.
The four League-centric survey questions which were asked may or may not be covered. I'm still trying to decide if those will be used for quality control or if we'll be blogging your actual responses. And, if so, how...? After all, I did ask what you wanted covered. Do I actually cover what you asked? Hmmm...
I do confess to some weariness with the Mellies. A lot of it has to do with my utter lack of preparation. More importantly, way more people responded that I expected. Each post each night takes about an hour of cutting, pasting, formatting, coming up with my own responses, coming up with an intro and, finally, the Results.
Yeah, an hour.
So right now I've logged somewhere around 12- 15 hours on this, including coming up with questions, responding to e-mails, etc... If The League should be sending anyone a gift for participating, it's The League. And maybe Mel and Lucy for hanging out with me while I work on my posts.
It's actually been a bit of fun, and we got through the post I was most concerned about causing a stir without too much fuss. Thank you, politically minded-folk, for staying your hands and tongues. You guys made it fun by sharing a lot about yourselves, and I think, despite the fact that I haven't met a lot of you, I'm getting to know you. All of, with the obvious exception of RHPT, seem like people with whom I'd want to split a pitcher.
I hope you guys are enjoying all of this. If not, I'm quitting. I could be using all of this time talking about the greatness of Superman.
Anyway, here's a picture of Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman. I've been watching the Wonder Woman Season 1 DVD set. I've got Wonder Woman on the brain.
THE TOP-DRAWER TENTH QUESTION
Time Travel. It's completely impossible (sorry Star Trek), and the very concept drives Jim D. into a mad frenzy for reasons he will actually go into all on his own. Yet film after film and cheap paperback after cheap paperback and an endless flood of comics and Twilight Zone episodes dwell on the possibility of "yeah, but what if...?" Plus, Jim kept bugging me about a time travel paradox question and some book he'd just read while I was working on my list.
So, we at The League of Melbotis, felt a time-travel question was a good one to ask Loyal Leaguers. After all, you all seem like a mass of insecurity and regret. But you can't really do this right without giving people a chance to change both themself and the world.
On to the question...
Question 10:
If I had a time machine with a single use, and my time travelling would not be filled with all sorts of crazy logic problems, I would go back to fix this one thing this year
--in my personal life
--on a more macrocosmic level
Eric Nordtrom:
--in my personal life
I wouldn't have allowed that thief to get ahold of my debit card number.
--on a more macrocosmic level
I'd have gone back to the Sunday before the levees broke, and chartered a convoy of buses to take everyone from New Orleans to ...
Ohio.
Tamara:
--in my personal life:
Switch actual LSAT score with best practice LSAT score. Come to think of it: Switch out actual day-to-day life generally with best practice day-to-day life.
--on a more macrocosmic level:
(editor's note: no answer)
Natalie:
--in my personal life: My marriage, but I truly believe it was unfixable (if that's a word).
--on a more macrocosmic level: The evacuation plan for New Orleans -- they should have bussed people out BEFORE the hurricane not after.
Jim D.:
First off, I don't believe you can use time travel to go back and "fix" anything. This is what irks me about time travel fiction in film and books. For the literary theory of time travel to be consistent, the time traveler can only play a role (known or more likely, unknown) in bringing about that which is already happened. He or she may attempt to change things or to bring about a different history, but whatever he or she does, he or she will only influence history in a way that will bring about the history we already know. So, on that level, this question is moot. But I don't think The League was seeking quite a nerdy objection to its question, so I must proceed.
--in my personal life
I doubt there is anything "this year" that I would go back and change. Really, any ripple effect from a temporal change would need to begin at least several years ago, as my life has been mostly the same for quite some time. I might go back to the summer of 1998 and tell myself to accept the job in Manhattan. I wonder how my life would have ended up if I had taken that job. Would I still be in NYC? Would I have ever gone to law school? If so, would I have gone to Baylor? What would I be doing now? Where would I be? Would you be reading this right now? Would the Mellies exist? Would the League's site? I might go back to 1994 and tell myself to study abroad (or at least, study more at home).
--on a more macrocosmic level
I don't know if I would want the responsibility of changing something on the macrocosmic level. I suppose the proper answer is to warn of or attempt to prevent some type of disaster or attack. I don't know what I would do. I would probably just prevent George Lucas from making (or remaking or reworking or redoing) any film after Empire Strikes Back). Sure, we would lose Indy, but I'm comfortable with that, especially since they are soon to ruin that franchise with a new sequel (and the second and third installments weren't that good to begin with, anyway).
Ryan V.:
--in my personal life
--on a more macrocosmic level
I have no regrets. Or at least I’m not admitting them on my public blog.
Peabo:
--in my personal life
Never make someone who has done nothing to prove his value a partner in your firm.
--on a more macrocosmic level
I might have told that guy to hold off on the cartoon of Mohammed. Not that I have a problem with it in any way, but lots of people died. Over a cartoon. A cartoon. But military action is not the way to resolve problems, we should really get the angry cartoon killers back at the negotiating table. I’m sure there is a lot of fruitful discussion to be had with people who advocate the wholesale destruction of another nation and deny the Holocaust ever happened. These people clearly have the mindset to reach a compromise and a roadmap to peace.
Denise:
-None come to mind. I might not be the same person if I changed past events. You know….don’t mess with the whole “space-time continuum”
RHPT:
• in my personal life
Clearly I would fix my failure to win a single Powerball drawing.
• on a more macrocosmic level
Hurricane Katrina. I don't know how, but that's what I would fix.
Nathan:
--in my personal life: I'd eat better.
--on a more macrocosmic level: I'd help evacuate people from New Orleans sooner.
Social Bobcat:
--in my personal life
-would have called my grandfather on his birthday
--on a more macrocosmic level
-would have called my grandfather on his birthday to tell him that i'd just won a million dollars on sports gambling in Vegas
Maxwell:
--in my personal life:
I had an interview at a network and I was offered coffee and I took it and I was drinking my coffee in the interview and I missed my mouth in the interview and spilled the coffee on myself. And uh. I wouldn't do that.
--on a more macrocosmic level:
More recycling.
Harms:
--in my personal life
My personal life has never been better. I'm in love with my girlfriend and think she's the best girlfriend ever.
--on a more macrocosmic level
I'd like to record every failure of communication within all levels of government in terms of Katrina. I'd like to show this to the world as a demonstration of why great companies fail and why a "CEO president" is something we should run away from, fast.
Steanso:
personal- go back in time and get out of my old job much sooner. I kept working there in the hopes that things would get better, but they just got worse and worse and finally I got laid off.
macrocosmic- I'd go back and warn those New Orleanians that Hurricane Katrina was bringing her own little judgement day along with her.
CrackBass:
--in my personal life: quit old job sooner, taken more time off in between old and new jobs
--on a more macrocosmic level:
eliminate dick cheney and or karl rove
Reed-o:
--in my personal life
Valentine's Day 2006 (don't even ask; let's just say I screwed up on this day for the first time in the 13 years that we have been going out / married)
And if I could go back farther than this year, the Wilson Festivus 2004 party
--on a more macrocosmic level
I can't even began to narrow this down. It would be any number of the rotten things that our government has done to the world and it's own citizens over the past year. I would do everthing in my power to stop it. I don't have any more time to pick out one specific thing (sorry, it's 12:30 CST on March 15th).
D. Loyd: Too early to say.
--in my personal life. Family issues.
--on a more macrocosmic level. Aliens!
Jamie:
Personal - I would have gone to my plasmapheresis treatments more often. Maybe I wouldn't be on dialysis now if I had.
Macrocosmic - I would have evacuated everyone from the New Orleans/Gulf Coast area and have improved the levees to handle a category 5 hurricane. This is all prior to Katrina, of course.
The League:
Personal - I would not have shot that man in Reno just to watch him die.
ah, heck... I would probably not have spent each and every weekend watching VH1. I probably would have tried to make something of my life. Whoops. Too late.
Also, probably should have tried to train Lucy at some point.
MacroCosmic - Stopped Galactus, Eater of Planets, from destroying Marklarr VII, home of a crystalline intelligence unlike any known in the 4 quadrants of the Faizuul Nebula.
Also, maybe, done some Paul Revere work to try to save New Orleans and/ or the residents.
RESULTS:
How do some of you have no regrets from the past year? Jesus. That's some serious confidence. Or something.
I think we're agreed that Katrina blew chunks. As well as Rita (sorry about all that displacement, Jim D.).
Mr. Bobcat gets special points for maybe winning a million dollars (I have some great investment opportunities if you're looking to make a lot of money in the Arizona Ocean-Front Property business. Actually, that's the plot to Superman I, isn't it?).
For a guy who actually was kicked out of his home for a few weeks by a natural disaster, Jim D. remains philosophical. However, he was a Rita victim and probably knew to get the hell out of the way.
Harms probably meant to be darling, but I've noticed his girlfriend is now in every answer. I may need to start making fun of you now.
Tamara gets triple points for the "LSAT" response.
Nat, didn't know about the divorce. The guy was a bastard and you're better off without him. Now, if you're looking to start over and are looking for a guy who is a lot like, uh... Chewbacca... may I suggest Steanso..? He's a unique fixer-upper-opportunity.
Peabo, I just want to know how you would phrase it to the Danish cartoonist that their doodle was going to lead to dozens to deaths and weeks of rioting without making him think you were some sort of loony doomsday prophet.
Jamie's medical history isn't much to snicker about, and we're really not sure if extra pheresis would have helped. To be truthful, she seemed to be getting sick from the treatments for a while there, so I dunno what I would have done differently. Last year sucked.
I can also say that, if I knew more than five of you were going to respond, my list of questions would have been a lot shorter. Getting these results up has officially turned into work. When was the last time I had a normal post? Ah, hell... you monkeys probably are enjoying this more than the usual Superman-related post.
Time Travel. It's completely impossible (sorry Star Trek), and the very concept drives Jim D. into a mad frenzy for reasons he will actually go into all on his own. Yet film after film and cheap paperback after cheap paperback and an endless flood of comics and Twilight Zone episodes dwell on the possibility of "yeah, but what if...?" Plus, Jim kept bugging me about a time travel paradox question and some book he'd just read while I was working on my list.
So, we at The League of Melbotis, felt a time-travel question was a good one to ask Loyal Leaguers. After all, you all seem like a mass of insecurity and regret. But you can't really do this right without giving people a chance to change both themself and the world.
On to the question...
Question 10:
If I had a time machine with a single use, and my time travelling would not be filled with all sorts of crazy logic problems, I would go back to fix this one thing this year
--in my personal life
--on a more macrocosmic level
Eric Nordtrom:
--in my personal life
I wouldn't have allowed that thief to get ahold of my debit card number.
--on a more macrocosmic level
I'd have gone back to the Sunday before the levees broke, and chartered a convoy of buses to take everyone from New Orleans to ...
Ohio.
Tamara:
--in my personal life:
Switch actual LSAT score with best practice LSAT score. Come to think of it: Switch out actual day-to-day life generally with best practice day-to-day life.
--on a more macrocosmic level:
(editor's note: no answer)
Natalie:
--in my personal life: My marriage, but I truly believe it was unfixable (if that's a word).
--on a more macrocosmic level: The evacuation plan for New Orleans -- they should have bussed people out BEFORE the hurricane not after.
Jim D.:
First off, I don't believe you can use time travel to go back and "fix" anything. This is what irks me about time travel fiction in film and books. For the literary theory of time travel to be consistent, the time traveler can only play a role (known or more likely, unknown) in bringing about that which is already happened. He or she may attempt to change things or to bring about a different history, but whatever he or she does, he or she will only influence history in a way that will bring about the history we already know. So, on that level, this question is moot. But I don't think The League was seeking quite a nerdy objection to its question, so I must proceed.
--in my personal life
I doubt there is anything "this year" that I would go back and change. Really, any ripple effect from a temporal change would need to begin at least several years ago, as my life has been mostly the same for quite some time. I might go back to the summer of 1998 and tell myself to accept the job in Manhattan. I wonder how my life would have ended up if I had taken that job. Would I still be in NYC? Would I have ever gone to law school? If so, would I have gone to Baylor? What would I be doing now? Where would I be? Would you be reading this right now? Would the Mellies exist? Would the League's site? I might go back to 1994 and tell myself to study abroad (or at least, study more at home).
--on a more macrocosmic level
I don't know if I would want the responsibility of changing something on the macrocosmic level. I suppose the proper answer is to warn of or attempt to prevent some type of disaster or attack. I don't know what I would do. I would probably just prevent George Lucas from making (or remaking or reworking or redoing) any film after Empire Strikes Back). Sure, we would lose Indy, but I'm comfortable with that, especially since they are soon to ruin that franchise with a new sequel (and the second and third installments weren't that good to begin with, anyway).
Ryan V.:
--in my personal life
--on a more macrocosmic level
I have no regrets. Or at least I’m not admitting them on my public blog.
Peabo:
--in my personal life
Never make someone who has done nothing to prove his value a partner in your firm.
--on a more macrocosmic level
I might have told that guy to hold off on the cartoon of Mohammed. Not that I have a problem with it in any way, but lots of people died. Over a cartoon. A cartoon. But military action is not the way to resolve problems, we should really get the angry cartoon killers back at the negotiating table. I’m sure there is a lot of fruitful discussion to be had with people who advocate the wholesale destruction of another nation and deny the Holocaust ever happened. These people clearly have the mindset to reach a compromise and a roadmap to peace.
Denise:
-None come to mind. I might not be the same person if I changed past events. You know….don’t mess with the whole “space-time continuum”
RHPT:
• in my personal life
Clearly I would fix my failure to win a single Powerball drawing.
• on a more macrocosmic level
Hurricane Katrina. I don't know how, but that's what I would fix.
Nathan:
--in my personal life: I'd eat better.
--on a more macrocosmic level: I'd help evacuate people from New Orleans sooner.
Social Bobcat:
--in my personal life
-would have called my grandfather on his birthday
--on a more macrocosmic level
-would have called my grandfather on his birthday to tell him that i'd just won a million dollars on sports gambling in Vegas
Maxwell:
--in my personal life:
I had an interview at a network and I was offered coffee and I took it and I was drinking my coffee in the interview and I missed my mouth in the interview and spilled the coffee on myself. And uh. I wouldn't do that.
--on a more macrocosmic level:
More recycling.
Harms:
--in my personal life
My personal life has never been better. I'm in love with my girlfriend and think she's the best girlfriend ever.
--on a more macrocosmic level
I'd like to record every failure of communication within all levels of government in terms of Katrina. I'd like to show this to the world as a demonstration of why great companies fail and why a "CEO president" is something we should run away from, fast.
Steanso:
personal- go back in time and get out of my old job much sooner. I kept working there in the hopes that things would get better, but they just got worse and worse and finally I got laid off.
macrocosmic- I'd go back and warn those New Orleanians that Hurricane Katrina was bringing her own little judgement day along with her.
CrackBass:
--in my personal life: quit old job sooner, taken more time off in between old and new jobs
--on a more macrocosmic level:
eliminate dick cheney and or karl rove
Reed-o:
--in my personal life
Valentine's Day 2006 (don't even ask; let's just say I screwed up on this day for the first time in the 13 years that we have been going out / married)
And if I could go back farther than this year, the Wilson Festivus 2004 party
--on a more macrocosmic level
I can't even began to narrow this down. It would be any number of the rotten things that our government has done to the world and it's own citizens over the past year. I would do everthing in my power to stop it. I don't have any more time to pick out one specific thing (sorry, it's 12:30 CST on March 15th).
D. Loyd: Too early to say.
--in my personal life. Family issues.
--on a more macrocosmic level. Aliens!
Jamie:
Personal - I would have gone to my plasmapheresis treatments more often. Maybe I wouldn't be on dialysis now if I had.
Macrocosmic - I would have evacuated everyone from the New Orleans/Gulf Coast area and have improved the levees to handle a category 5 hurricane. This is all prior to Katrina, of course.
The League:
Personal - I would not have shot that man in Reno just to watch him die.
ah, heck... I would probably not have spent each and every weekend watching VH1. I probably would have tried to make something of my life. Whoops. Too late.
Also, probably should have tried to train Lucy at some point.
MacroCosmic - Stopped Galactus, Eater of Planets, from destroying Marklarr VII, home of a crystalline intelligence unlike any known in the 4 quadrants of the Faizuul Nebula.
Also, maybe, done some Paul Revere work to try to save New Orleans and/ or the residents.
RESULTS:
How do some of you have no regrets from the past year? Jesus. That's some serious confidence. Or something.
I think we're agreed that Katrina blew chunks. As well as Rita (sorry about all that displacement, Jim D.).
Mr. Bobcat gets special points for maybe winning a million dollars (I have some great investment opportunities if you're looking to make a lot of money in the Arizona Ocean-Front Property business. Actually, that's the plot to Superman I, isn't it?).
For a guy who actually was kicked out of his home for a few weeks by a natural disaster, Jim D. remains philosophical. However, he was a Rita victim and probably knew to get the hell out of the way.
Harms probably meant to be darling, but I've noticed his girlfriend is now in every answer. I may need to start making fun of you now.
Tamara gets triple points for the "LSAT" response.
Nat, didn't know about the divorce. The guy was a bastard and you're better off without him. Now, if you're looking to start over and are looking for a guy who is a lot like, uh... Chewbacca... may I suggest Steanso..? He's a unique fixer-upper-opportunity.
Peabo, I just want to know how you would phrase it to the Danish cartoonist that their doodle was going to lead to dozens to deaths and weeks of rioting without making him think you were some sort of loony doomsday prophet.
Jamie's medical history isn't much to snicker about, and we're really not sure if extra pheresis would have helped. To be truthful, she seemed to be getting sick from the treatments for a while there, so I dunno what I would have done differently. Last year sucked.
I can also say that, if I knew more than five of you were going to respond, my list of questions would have been a lot shorter. Getting these results up has officially turned into work. When was the last time I had a normal post? Ah, hell... you monkeys probably are enjoying this more than the usual Superman-related post.
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Thursday, March 30, 2006
The Notorious Question Number Nine
Human sexuality. It's an odd, frightening beast. People tend to go absolutely nutzo over the topic.
With the inundation of TV into our culture, I am both relieved and grateful that you all did not decide to pick a person they knew, because I couldn't handle the fall-out. TV's given us a vast landscape of secret crushes and programs we watch for all the wrong reasons. It happens and it's okay. Just no stalking, people.
So this was every Leaguer's opportunity to reveal their secret crush.
Let me also say I'm impressed with the candor here. Although Mr. Bobcat was curiously silent...
Question 9:
I never mentioned it, but you know who is kind of hot..?
Eric Nordtrom: Lois Griffin.
Tamara: Second runner-up: Allen Greenspan. Austrian-school economics makes for sizzling pillow talk . . . plus, he sort of reminds me of Droopy Dog, for whom I also harbor a secret crush.
First runner-up: Don Rumsfeld. Supremely confident, unabashed, this man don't suffer no fools. In the words of the inimitable (thank God!) Paris, "That's hot."
Heretofore-unmentioned steaminess winner: Werner Herzog. "Burden of [MY] Dreams"!
Natalie: Anderson Cooper. Mmm.
Jim D.: Well, the way this question is asked, or at least the way that I parse it, suggests that I should name someone who you wouldn't ordinarily consider to meet the traditional definition of "hotness" but who, upon further reflection, is indeed hot.
All I can say, though, is that I have been watching the BBC show "Hustle" on AMC, and you will find my answer to this question here. Alas.
Ryan V.: Karen from Will & Grace, a show I have come to loathe.
Peabo: I’m married. I no longer look at woman like objects. Having said that, Laura Bush. Okay, maybe hot is an extreme exaggeration, but she has aged gracefully. Easily the best looking first lady ever.
Denise: Legolas Greenleaf, AKA Orlando Bloom. Not hot in other roles. Hot as an elf.
RHPT: I'm comfortable enough in my sexuality to say: "Colin Farrell". Say what you will about his acting or his movies, but he's a good looking man.
Nathan: Redheads.
Social Bobcat: (editor's note: no answer.)
Maxwell: Philip Seymour Hoffman. What?
Harms: Well first of all, my honey. She's smokin'. I take it that you want someone famous though. Here goes.
Kelly Reilly. Actress, British. Starred in "L'Auberge Espagnol" and had a cameo as Mr. Bingley's sister is the new version of Pride and Prejudice. While she was undoubtedly pretty in the clever quarter-life crisis movie, she was pre-Raphaelite cripplingly stunning in the latter.
Steanso: Grace Park, who plays Lieutenant Sharon Valerii, callsign "Boomer" on Battlestar Galactica. Always been damn good looking, but there's competition on that show...
CrackBass: Justin Timberlake?
Reed-o: No doubt. Katee Sackhoff.
D. Loyd: Allyson Hannigan. And I HAVE said it.
Jamie: Hmm...I think this is a trick question for my husband to find someone to tease me about. Nonetheless, I shall answer and answer truthfully for fear of getting the Boo. Daniel Dae Kim from LOST. But I would scratch the 'kind of' from that statement.
The League: Oh my. This is a tough one. For the love of Mike, I've got a column called "Dames in the Media The League Once Dug". Do I bear any secret crushes? And how many times can I bring up Lynda Carter without getting in trouble with the wife?
It seems in poor taste on the 25th anniversary of the attempt on Pres. Reagan to bring up Jodie Foster, so I will not. But, you know, uh, Jodie Foster. She had me at "Lambs. The lambs were screaming."
Anyway, Jamie suggested I bring up the next candidate for DITMTLOD, which would be vintage-Trek Lt. Uhura. But that would be using up a perfectly good DITMTLOD. (You guys can have your Yeoman Rand. Give me a sassy comm officer any day.)
So, anyhow, I didn't bring it up, but you know who was kind of hot? "Sister Mary Jane" from the A&E series "Rollergirls". She was six feet of hard-hitting Roller Derby action. You just can't go wrong with that. And she throws a mean right hook in a fight.
RESULTS
I'm watching the wrong shows. Apparently the ladies of "BattleStar Galactica" are quite easy on the eye. However, Jim D., a steadfast BG supporter has turned his affections elsewhere.
I'll be honest, Peabo takes the cake for the answer that surprised me the most. He managed to trump even RHPT, who managed to find a way to answer the question without incorporating his gaga affection for The Mysterious M, which is what I had expected. Peabo, my friend of 20-odd years, you continue to blow my mind.
Shit. I totally didn't call you on your birthday. Happy belated birthday, Peabo.
Harms gets a nod for including his new girlfriend. Again, do it next year and we shall all make fun of what a sissy you've become.
Maxwell picks an unusual but understandable choice.
Nathan gives a nice blanket answer.
Natalie picks a surprising one. I fear she will become one of those weird ladies who joins an online club called something like "Anderson's Chicken-Coop".
Tamara shows a naughty side none of us suspected... quadruple points, by order of the Pentagon.
In no way does Jamie's selection surprise me. Sometimes the less you say, the more it reveals. She's just been pulling for this "Jin" fellow a suspicious amount.
Nord, my man, we're going to have to talk about your interest in bulbous headed cartoon mothers of three. You've got yourself an interesting little crush there. Care to elaborate?
Anyhoo, no "boo". Ya'll were largely honest, so I see no reason to "boo" any of you. Well, maybe Mr. Bobcat.
And, Denise, based on your apparent proclivities, have I got a man for you....
Human sexuality. It's an odd, frightening beast. People tend to go absolutely nutzo over the topic.
With the inundation of TV into our culture, I am both relieved and grateful that you all did not decide to pick a person they knew, because I couldn't handle the fall-out. TV's given us a vast landscape of secret crushes and programs we watch for all the wrong reasons. It happens and it's okay. Just no stalking, people.
So this was every Leaguer's opportunity to reveal their secret crush.
Let me also say I'm impressed with the candor here. Although Mr. Bobcat was curiously silent...
Question 9:
I never mentioned it, but you know who is kind of hot..?
Eric Nordtrom: Lois Griffin.
Tamara: Second runner-up: Allen Greenspan. Austrian-school economics makes for sizzling pillow talk . . . plus, he sort of reminds me of Droopy Dog, for whom I also harbor a secret crush.
First runner-up: Don Rumsfeld. Supremely confident, unabashed, this man don't suffer no fools. In the words of the inimitable (thank God!) Paris, "That's hot."
Heretofore-unmentioned steaminess winner: Werner Herzog. "Burden of [MY] Dreams"!
Natalie: Anderson Cooper. Mmm.
Jim D.: Well, the way this question is asked, or at least the way that I parse it, suggests that I should name someone who you wouldn't ordinarily consider to meet the traditional definition of "hotness" but who, upon further reflection, is indeed hot.
All I can say, though, is that I have been watching the BBC show "Hustle" on AMC, and you will find my answer to this question here. Alas.
Ryan V.: Karen from Will & Grace, a show I have come to loathe.
Peabo: I’m married. I no longer look at woman like objects. Having said that, Laura Bush. Okay, maybe hot is an extreme exaggeration, but she has aged gracefully. Easily the best looking first lady ever.
Denise: Legolas Greenleaf, AKA Orlando Bloom. Not hot in other roles. Hot as an elf.
RHPT: I'm comfortable enough in my sexuality to say: "Colin Farrell". Say what you will about his acting or his movies, but he's a good looking man.
Nathan: Redheads.
Social Bobcat: (editor's note: no answer.)
Maxwell: Philip Seymour Hoffman. What?
Harms: Well first of all, my honey. She's smokin'. I take it that you want someone famous though. Here goes.
Kelly Reilly. Actress, British. Starred in "L'Auberge Espagnol" and had a cameo as Mr. Bingley's sister is the new version of Pride and Prejudice. While she was undoubtedly pretty in the clever quarter-life crisis movie, she was pre-Raphaelite cripplingly stunning in the latter.
Steanso: Grace Park, who plays Lieutenant Sharon Valerii, callsign "Boomer" on Battlestar Galactica. Always been damn good looking, but there's competition on that show...
CrackBass: Justin Timberlake?
Reed-o: No doubt. Katee Sackhoff.
D. Loyd: Allyson Hannigan. And I HAVE said it.
Jamie: Hmm...I think this is a trick question for my husband to find someone to tease me about. Nonetheless, I shall answer and answer truthfully for fear of getting the Boo. Daniel Dae Kim from LOST. But I would scratch the 'kind of' from that statement.
The League: Oh my. This is a tough one. For the love of Mike, I've got a column called "Dames in the Media The League Once Dug". Do I bear any secret crushes? And how many times can I bring up Lynda Carter without getting in trouble with the wife?
It seems in poor taste on the 25th anniversary of the attempt on Pres. Reagan to bring up Jodie Foster, so I will not. But, you know, uh, Jodie Foster. She had me at "Lambs. The lambs were screaming."
Anyway, Jamie suggested I bring up the next candidate for DITMTLOD, which would be vintage-Trek Lt. Uhura. But that would be using up a perfectly good DITMTLOD. (You guys can have your Yeoman Rand. Give me a sassy comm officer any day.)
So, anyhow, I didn't bring it up, but you know who was kind of hot? "Sister Mary Jane" from the A&E series "Rollergirls". She was six feet of hard-hitting Roller Derby action. You just can't go wrong with that. And she throws a mean right hook in a fight.
RESULTS
I'm watching the wrong shows. Apparently the ladies of "BattleStar Galactica" are quite easy on the eye. However, Jim D., a steadfast BG supporter has turned his affections elsewhere.
I'll be honest, Peabo takes the cake for the answer that surprised me the most. He managed to trump even RHPT, who managed to find a way to answer the question without incorporating his gaga affection for The Mysterious M, which is what I had expected. Peabo, my friend of 20-odd years, you continue to blow my mind.
Shit. I totally didn't call you on your birthday. Happy belated birthday, Peabo.
Harms gets a nod for including his new girlfriend. Again, do it next year and we shall all make fun of what a sissy you've become.
Maxwell picks an unusual but understandable choice.
Nathan gives a nice blanket answer.
Natalie picks a surprising one. I fear she will become one of those weird ladies who joins an online club called something like "Anderson's Chicken-Coop".
Tamara shows a naughty side none of us suspected... quadruple points, by order of the Pentagon.
In no way does Jamie's selection surprise me. Sometimes the less you say, the more it reveals. She's just been pulling for this "Jin" fellow a suspicious amount.
Nord, my man, we're going to have to talk about your interest in bulbous headed cartoon mothers of three. You've got yourself an interesting little crush there. Care to elaborate?
Anyhoo, no "boo". Ya'll were largely honest, so I see no reason to "boo" any of you. Well, maybe Mr. Bobcat.
And, Denise, based on your apparent proclivities, have I got a man for you....
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
The Enigmatic Eighth Question.
So this turned out a little different from what I had in mind, but, you know, you're all beings of free will. And The League is here to help you voice your mind, God help us all.
Anyhoo, things get decidedly partisan up in here. So, you know, try not to go all monkeyshit on me here in the comments section if you have a beef with how this turned out.
Others of you seemed highly reluctant to participate. Suspiciously reluctant.
Question 8:
God help me, but when I saw this on the news, I was secretly gleeful
Eric Nordtrom: When Katie Couric got shit on by that bird.
Tamara: (editor's note: No answer)
Natalie: Tom Delay indicted. Heh.
Jim D.: I am not sure that any news make me gleeful, secretive or otherwise.
Ryan V: I got nothing.
Peabo: The riots in France. Of course, it is tragic that anyone would lose their life in such events, but after all their anti-American policy hullabaloo, and higher than thou attitude towards resolving Islamic fanaticism with speeches and olive branches, you had to imagine the head scratching going on when those same disgruntled Islamic youths almost burned down their city. Almost as funny as the U.N. probe revealing they were getting kickbacks and violating the food for oil program. Might want to watch the stone throwing over in that glass house you call a country.
Denise: New Orleans evacuees were evacuated from Houston during Hurricane Rita. I was seriously happy to hear this. Unfortunately, many found their way back to Houston. Hummm…how to get rid of them again…
RHPT: This is going to paint me in a bad light, but I'm always secretly gleeful when something happens that negatively affects (effects?) Bush. I don’t think it’s because I’m so partisan, but simply because he wasn’t the horse I backed. I’m highly competitive, and I hate it when the team/person/thing I’m rooting for loses and in turn I end up despising the winner. Did I mention I am a sore loser?
Nathan: The nature of this question scares me for some reason. I fear it might lead me to a dark place.
Social Bobcat: (editor's note: no answer)
Maxwell: You mean Cheney was actually holding a smoking gun?
Harms: I lament the loss of life in New Orleans, really. But I'm fascinated by Katrina's side effects
* New Orleans was a hole, a stinky, fetid, sweaty, humid hole. Yet it was something distinctly American and it deserves to rise again. Yet in America we've never seen a city razed in modern times. It seems to be our "Death in Venice" moment.
* Ray Nagin. What a nut. He should have a talk show on Fox. Chocolate city, you couldn't make that stuff up.
* Barbara Bush: Almost everyone I've talked to said we're going to move to Houston. What I'm hearing, which is sort of scary, is they all want to stay in Texas. (Said with concern.) Everybody is so overwhelmed by all the hospitality. And so many of the peoples in the arena here, you know, they're underprivileged anyway, so this--this (she chuckles slightly) is working very well for them.
It almost explains why GWB turned to drinking and eyebrow plucking.
* Is Tool right: The only way to fix it is to flush it all away. And will the city that returns be the Disney version: a simulacrum of real Disney?
Steanso: Hurricane Rita hits Beaumont. I already had houseguests staying with me for ACL Fest, so when my parents called me to see if they could evacuate to my house from their place in Houston, I had to tell them there was no more room at the inn. Once they found out my house wasn't an option, my parents decided to ride out the storm in Houston instead of getting a hotel or staying with my cousin in Austin, thereby setting me up for a lifetime of guilt if the hurricane had hit Houston and wreaked Katrina-like damage. Sorry, Beaumont, but thank you for avoiding Houston, Rita.
CrackBass: Civil war in Iraq. Sucks for everyone, but I just hope people get rid of GW Jr.
Reed-o: I can't narrow this one down. Again, I have been secretly gleeful each time I see the current administration screw up, and do exactly what was predicted by naysayers and experts. Whether, it's the growing disparity between rich and poor, the mishandling of Katrina, the mishandling of Iraq, the pervasive corruption, the leaking of classified information, the destruction of personal freedoms, the raping of the Constitution and Bill of Rights, the lack of funding for No Child Left Behind, the trillion dollar deficit, etc. Each time they screw the American people and the world, I am secretly gleeful because that's who the American people decided in 2004 was the best person and party to run the most powerful country in the world, but not me. You made your bed now lie in it. I think I'm getting too cynical.
D. Loyd: I can't say it. It would get me killed.
Jamie: The passing of Slobodan Milosevic. I am not one who believes in death as punishment, but this guy was one evil bastard.
The League: Jesus H. Christ, people. I was just going to say something about an olympic skiier falling off a mountain or something. This questions was actually prompted by an experience I had during the Olympics when I found myself laughing really hard and being simultaneously horrified watching someone who had knocked themself out on the luge and was still cruising down the pipe, totally unconscious. It was funny, like when a clown dies.
THE RESULTS:
Well, a fair number of you like to see Bush fail. That seems to be a crowd pleaser. Depending on your POV, you must spend quite a bit of time giggling and clapping your hands. I am sure some of you are even now smoothing your ruffled feathers after reading this list. I shall keep it simple and say that the most Leaguers have a good hearty guffaw when the president is proven wrong.
The "?" goes out to Jim D., whose answer I do not understand, and if I do understand it, what sort of emotionless robot has Jim D. become? How sad.
Maxwell gets points for making me laugh.
Nordstrom gets double extra points for singling out Kouric's deserved misfortune.
D. Loyd gets points for paranoia.
Nathan wins the most points for rightfully turning away from the darkness within.
Peabo loses a few points for not finding a way to also condemn the Canadians. No particular reason. It's just part of our platform here at The League. Unreasoning hatred for Canada.
So this turned out a little different from what I had in mind, but, you know, you're all beings of free will. And The League is here to help you voice your mind, God help us all.
Anyhoo, things get decidedly partisan up in here. So, you know, try not to go all monkeyshit on me here in the comments section if you have a beef with how this turned out.
Others of you seemed highly reluctant to participate. Suspiciously reluctant.
Question 8:
God help me, but when I saw this on the news, I was secretly gleeful
Eric Nordtrom: When Katie Couric got shit on by that bird.
Tamara: (editor's note: No answer)
Natalie: Tom Delay indicted. Heh.
Jim D.: I am not sure that any news make me gleeful, secretive or otherwise.
Ryan V: I got nothing.
Peabo: The riots in France. Of course, it is tragic that anyone would lose their life in such events, but after all their anti-American policy hullabaloo, and higher than thou attitude towards resolving Islamic fanaticism with speeches and olive branches, you had to imagine the head scratching going on when those same disgruntled Islamic youths almost burned down their city. Almost as funny as the U.N. probe revealing they were getting kickbacks and violating the food for oil program. Might want to watch the stone throwing over in that glass house you call a country.
Denise: New Orleans evacuees were evacuated from Houston during Hurricane Rita. I was seriously happy to hear this. Unfortunately, many found their way back to Houston. Hummm…how to get rid of them again…
RHPT: This is going to paint me in a bad light, but I'm always secretly gleeful when something happens that negatively affects (effects?) Bush. I don’t think it’s because I’m so partisan, but simply because he wasn’t the horse I backed. I’m highly competitive, and I hate it when the team/person/thing I’m rooting for loses and in turn I end up despising the winner. Did I mention I am a sore loser?
Nathan: The nature of this question scares me for some reason. I fear it might lead me to a dark place.
Social Bobcat: (editor's note: no answer)
Maxwell: You mean Cheney was actually holding a smoking gun?
Harms: I lament the loss of life in New Orleans, really. But I'm fascinated by Katrina's side effects
* New Orleans was a hole, a stinky, fetid, sweaty, humid hole. Yet it was something distinctly American and it deserves to rise again. Yet in America we've never seen a city razed in modern times. It seems to be our "Death in Venice" moment.
* Ray Nagin. What a nut. He should have a talk show on Fox. Chocolate city, you couldn't make that stuff up.
* Barbara Bush: Almost everyone I've talked to said we're going to move to Houston. What I'm hearing, which is sort of scary, is they all want to stay in Texas. (Said with concern.) Everybody is so overwhelmed by all the hospitality. And so many of the peoples in the arena here, you know, they're underprivileged anyway, so this--this (she chuckles slightly) is working very well for them.
It almost explains why GWB turned to drinking and eyebrow plucking.
* Is Tool right: The only way to fix it is to flush it all away. And will the city that returns be the Disney version: a simulacrum of real Disney?
Steanso: Hurricane Rita hits Beaumont. I already had houseguests staying with me for ACL Fest, so when my parents called me to see if they could evacuate to my house from their place in Houston, I had to tell them there was no more room at the inn. Once they found out my house wasn't an option, my parents decided to ride out the storm in Houston instead of getting a hotel or staying with my cousin in Austin, thereby setting me up for a lifetime of guilt if the hurricane had hit Houston and wreaked Katrina-like damage. Sorry, Beaumont, but thank you for avoiding Houston, Rita.
CrackBass: Civil war in Iraq. Sucks for everyone, but I just hope people get rid of GW Jr.
Reed-o: I can't narrow this one down. Again, I have been secretly gleeful each time I see the current administration screw up, and do exactly what was predicted by naysayers and experts. Whether, it's the growing disparity between rich and poor, the mishandling of Katrina, the mishandling of Iraq, the pervasive corruption, the leaking of classified information, the destruction of personal freedoms, the raping of the Constitution and Bill of Rights, the lack of funding for No Child Left Behind, the trillion dollar deficit, etc. Each time they screw the American people and the world, I am secretly gleeful because that's who the American people decided in 2004 was the best person and party to run the most powerful country in the world, but not me. You made your bed now lie in it. I think I'm getting too cynical.
D. Loyd: I can't say it. It would get me killed.
Jamie: The passing of Slobodan Milosevic. I am not one who believes in death as punishment, but this guy was one evil bastard.
The League: Jesus H. Christ, people. I was just going to say something about an olympic skiier falling off a mountain or something. This questions was actually prompted by an experience I had during the Olympics when I found myself laughing really hard and being simultaneously horrified watching someone who had knocked themself out on the luge and was still cruising down the pipe, totally unconscious. It was funny, like when a clown dies.
THE RESULTS:
Well, a fair number of you like to see Bush fail. That seems to be a crowd pleaser. Depending on your POV, you must spend quite a bit of time giggling and clapping your hands. I am sure some of you are even now smoothing your ruffled feathers after reading this list. I shall keep it simple and say that the most Leaguers have a good hearty guffaw when the president is proven wrong.
The "?" goes out to Jim D., whose answer I do not understand, and if I do understand it, what sort of emotionless robot has Jim D. become? How sad.
Maxwell gets points for making me laugh.
Nordstrom gets double extra points for singling out Kouric's deserved misfortune.
D. Loyd gets points for paranoia.
Nathan wins the most points for rightfully turning away from the darkness within.
Peabo loses a few points for not finding a way to also condemn the Canadians. No particular reason. It's just part of our platform here at The League. Unreasoning hatred for Canada.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
The Stupendous Seventh Question
Boy, was this one not a very prbing question. Still, you guys all really stepped up and came up with really disgusting answers. I no longer believe any of you about anything.
Food. It's necessary to sustain life. Even plants eat nutrients and whatnot. But we're not plants, are we? No. You can tell, because we have tongues. Tongues with little tiny tastebuds all aligned differently, a print as unique as your fingerprint. So different, in fact, that we don't all just eat big bowls of grape nuts all day every day.
We also have brains. Huge, swollen, warped brains. Sometimes our brain is full of a pack of lies which only those miraculous tastebuds can wipe away. Today, we look past the pile of lies dwelling in our head and delve into the truth about chow.
Question 7:
You know what's surprisingly good, but you'd never think it ? (category: food)
Eric Nordtrom: Birria (baby goat)
Tamara: Garlic ice cream with caramel sauce from the Stinkin' Rose in San Fran. I ate it at the height of my Anorexia, for Heaven's sake. That's got to be a pretty strong testament to its yumminess . . . in a sick sort of way.
Natalie: Whew, what a broad category. Umm. Blue Bell's Banana Pudding Ice Cream?
Jim D.: Arizona Diet Green Tea. I can't get enough of that stuff.
Ryan V.: Rice Crackers with Nuts oriental snack mix from Costco.
Peabo: The spinach & pineapple health shake at the vegetarian restaurant near my house.
Denise: Sushi.
RHPT: My stir-fry Spam recipe. Everyone thinks it's gross, but once they try it, they admit it's really good. I lived on it through college.
Nathan: A well-prepared salad can actually taste good.
Social Bobcat: Peanut butter and banana sandwiches - probably one of the few things that Elvis and I would have agreed upon
Maxwell: Well we know it's not the Jones Soda Thanksgiving Feast.
Harms: Korean Barley Tea. For my palette I always considered Barley to be only
ingestible in beer format, but a Korean co-worker introduced me and I rather
enjoy it.
Steanso: surprisingly good food- the corn dog shrimp at Moonshine
CrackBass: Truffle oil
Reed-o: A few of Jen's tofu receipes. Purple cow - grape juice and vanilla ice cream
(later, Reed sent this in) Clarification on #7. Purple cow was a second response. There is no tofu in a purple cow.
D. Loyd: Steamed Cod Eyeballs.
Jamie: Cinn-A-Stack French Toast at IHOP . So sweeeeeeeeet. They're delicious!
The League: I dunno. Uhm. The McRib.
RESULTS
Wow. No two Leaguers wanted to share their love of the same food. ach of you is as unique as your tongueprint. Congrats.
Boo goes out to Mr. Bobcat for simultaneously praising the peanut butter and nanner sandwich while dissing the King. We have few rules here at The League, but one of them is that we do not discuss the ugly realities of The King and, rather, choose to believe in the imaginary icon that The King should mean to us all.
Also, a "boo" for Nord who is eating the very cute baby goats. You've made Jamie cry. She loves the cute baby goats.
Special points for Tamara for not running in fear from.. what was it? Garlic ice cream? That sounds great with, like, artichoke sauce. Bleah. I'm going to have to take your word on that. At least you were keeping the vampires away while getting a delicious treat.
Well, this has been a real eye-opener for us here at The League. You people seem willing to shove any old item down your food hole as long as someone tells you it's okay, and you don't even need a bet to do it.
You're all crazy. Aside from Steanso, who stuck close to Steans Bros. nature and chose the deep fried item. And Jamie. Who chose "Sugar" as her answer. And Jim, who chose "tea". That sounds safe. I might actually try it.
Boy, was this one not a very prbing question. Still, you guys all really stepped up and came up with really disgusting answers. I no longer believe any of you about anything.
Food. It's necessary to sustain life. Even plants eat nutrients and whatnot. But we're not plants, are we? No. You can tell, because we have tongues. Tongues with little tiny tastebuds all aligned differently, a print as unique as your fingerprint. So different, in fact, that we don't all just eat big bowls of grape nuts all day every day.
We also have brains. Huge, swollen, warped brains. Sometimes our brain is full of a pack of lies which only those miraculous tastebuds can wipe away. Today, we look past the pile of lies dwelling in our head and delve into the truth about chow.
Question 7:
You know what's surprisingly good, but you'd never think it ? (category: food)
Eric Nordtrom: Birria (baby goat)
Tamara: Garlic ice cream with caramel sauce from the Stinkin' Rose in San Fran. I ate it at the height of my Anorexia, for Heaven's sake. That's got to be a pretty strong testament to its yumminess . . . in a sick sort of way.
Natalie: Whew, what a broad category. Umm. Blue Bell's Banana Pudding Ice Cream?
Jim D.: Arizona Diet Green Tea. I can't get enough of that stuff.
Ryan V.: Rice Crackers with Nuts oriental snack mix from Costco.
Peabo: The spinach & pineapple health shake at the vegetarian restaurant near my house.
Denise: Sushi.
RHPT: My stir-fry Spam recipe. Everyone thinks it's gross, but once they try it, they admit it's really good. I lived on it through college.
Nathan: A well-prepared salad can actually taste good.
Social Bobcat: Peanut butter and banana sandwiches - probably one of the few things that Elvis and I would have agreed upon
Maxwell: Well we know it's not the Jones Soda Thanksgiving Feast.
Harms: Korean Barley Tea. For my palette I always considered Barley to be only
ingestible in beer format, but a Korean co-worker introduced me and I rather
enjoy it.
Steanso: surprisingly good food- the corn dog shrimp at Moonshine
CrackBass: Truffle oil
Reed-o: A few of Jen's tofu receipes. Purple cow - grape juice and vanilla ice cream
(later, Reed sent this in) Clarification on #7. Purple cow was a second response. There is no tofu in a purple cow.
D. Loyd: Steamed Cod Eyeballs.
Jamie: Cinn-A-Stack French Toast at IHOP . So sweeeeeeeeet. They're delicious!
The League: I dunno. Uhm. The McRib.
RESULTS
Wow. No two Leaguers wanted to share their love of the same food. ach of you is as unique as your tongueprint. Congrats.
Boo goes out to Mr. Bobcat for simultaneously praising the peanut butter and nanner sandwich while dissing the King. We have few rules here at The League, but one of them is that we do not discuss the ugly realities of The King and, rather, choose to believe in the imaginary icon that The King should mean to us all.
Also, a "boo" for Nord who is eating the very cute baby goats. You've made Jamie cry. She loves the cute baby goats.
Special points for Tamara for not running in fear from.. what was it? Garlic ice cream? That sounds great with, like, artichoke sauce. Bleah. I'm going to have to take your word on that. At least you were keeping the vampires away while getting a delicious treat.
Well, this has been a real eye-opener for us here at The League. You people seem willing to shove any old item down your food hole as long as someone tells you it's okay, and you don't even need a bet to do it.
You're all crazy. Aside from Steanso, who stuck close to Steans Bros. nature and chose the deep fried item. And Jamie. Who chose "Sugar" as her answer. And Jim, who chose "tea". That sounds safe. I might actually try it.
Monday, March 27, 2006
The Stupendous Sixth Question
We're more or less off and running. Hope you guys took a break for the weekend. I did.
The sixth question was produced in order to get ya'll to open up and tell The League a little bit about yourself. Some of you went macrocosmic, some of you went a little more personal. Some of you play your cards a little close to the vest. And a heck of a lot of you went gushy. Here's how it trickled out...
Question 6:
You know what was the most amazing day this year?
Eric Nordtrom: The day I won my first trial.
Tamara: (editor's note: no answer. but I am sure she meant to say "The day I realized how fulfilling it is to participate in The League of Melbotis Awards.")
Natalie: Personally? Moving into my own apartment for the first time in my life. Globally? Live 8? I guess?
Jim D.: No, please tell me. I must have missed it. In fact, I know I did.
Ryan V.: Umm….
Peabo: Okay, it wasn’t 2005, but the Rose Bowl. Hell, even the Rose Bowl against Michigan was great. Or the Ohio St. game (which I was at as well). I don’t cry easily, but I experienced levels of euphoria and joy that are too sacred to mention. Best. Game. Ever.
Denise: Turning 30 while in Jamaica. Spent the day with my husband snorkeling, sailing on a catamaran, horseback riding, swimming, eating and getting very drunk. Ahhh..Yeah Mon! No problem, Mon! Irie. Irie. Will I go back? Yeah Mon!
RHPT: Every day I spend with my loving wife is amazing.
Nathan: You would think I would say March 18, 2006, the day Samantha was born, but I think I would vote for the next day, the day it finally sank in, as Renata and I rested in our darkened hospital room, watching "The Ten Commandments" on a hospital TV, the rain gently brushing the window, and Sam-I-Am swaddled up a few feet away.
Social Bobcat: the day i messed around playing hoops and got a triple-double; i didn't even have to use my AK, i have to say it was a good day, nay an amazing one.
Maxwell: The day Texas won the National Championship. Do you believe? We believe! Texas! Texas! Yee-haw!
Harms: The most amazing day was the day my girlfriend and I went to San Francisco for the first time together. It was something that I knew would be a nice day, but I never knew how nice.
We drove up early in the morning and found good parking in The Mission. We walked to Ti Couz and had great breakfast crepes. She looked great and her hair was so soft. She wore a knit pink sweater that buttoned up near the throat.
After breakfast we wandered up the mission streets and I went to Borderlands and bought, from an independent book seller, the new Harry Potter. After that we drove up to the Golden Gate and walked across it together.
The fog was coming in thick and billowy and about halfway across you couldn't see either spit of land. We stood and listened to the fog-horns bellow and I thought about just how great she was.
She tells me that when she got to the other side she decided she was in love with me. I love this idea: we started as a boy and a girl on a bridge, we ended a boy and a girl in the early rush of love with one another.
It was a good day.
Steanso: I'm not sure I had an amazing day this year, which in retrospect is potentially depressing. How many other people had amazing days? (I'm sure that people who got married or had a kid or something will plug that in as their "amazing day", but I didn't do any of that. I had lots of good days, but they were mostly just collections of small moments spent with friends, family, and Cassidy. Back when I was out of work last summer I remember having one day when I was floating in Barton Creek with just Cassidy and no one else was at the creek and I could hear birds, bugs, wind in the trees, and water gurgling and it was just insanely peaceful and relaxing and I had one of those moments of realization which rarely occur while you're living them in which I thought, "This is just about perfect..."
CrackBass: I imagine the horns winning the Rose Bowl, is the one that stands out…
Reed-o: May 16th, 2005
No question. The day my wife, Jennifer, gave birth to our first child, a daughter, Meredith Cynthia Shaw at home, without drugs, and a 30 plus hour labor. The most amazing thing I have ever seen a human being do.
D. Loyd: 2/21/06. My daughter's birthday.
Jamie: Since the year is only a few months old, I'd say last Saturday. My brother, Doug, and his girlfriend Kristen were here and we all went to the zoo. Every day at the zoo is a happy day! Yay aminals!!
The League: Infidels! I have scientific proof that the greatest event in recent memory was UT's victory in the Rose Bowl game. I could not sleep. I could not work the day afterward. You all can have the births of your babies and falling in love. I wanted my national championship.
Also, seeing Jamie in the recovery room post-surgery on the day after Thanksgiving, and knowing all had gone well. Thanks to the drugs, she couldn't remember seeing me immediately after surgery, but she could remember that The Suns had won their game.
Also, the day Lucy actually "sat" on command. We thought we'd gotten our hands on the first dog to survive without a brain. Sadly, that was also the last command Lucy ever really learned.
A day that should not go without mention: The bizarro day in Beaumont with Jim D., RHPT, Peabo, Steanso and Jamie. A wonderful day despite the technical difficulties.
THE RESULTS
Well, from a numerical standpoint, ya'll are having a lot of babies. It's babies ahoy here at The League of Melbotis. You guys have to fight over which kid wins. The League does not play favorites. Also, isn't it time CrackBass got cranking and had a kid? If you don't step up to the plate, I am sure Steanso will...
UT Football also gets a mad shout out for it's National Championship and for reminding Southern Californians that just because they think so doesn't make it so.
The "Boo" goes out to Jim D. for his failure to identify anything pleasant in the past year. Randy is a close contender for being completely whipped.
Ryan V. gets the coveted "..." award for his non-answer.
No special award is given out on this one, which mean everyone who tried on this one gets the award. It's too tough to pick one out when people are sharing a unique experience.
Oh, heck, Peabo wins extra points for admitting to weeping like a wee school girl over a football game. The League, being manly, swears he didn't cry. Really.
Folks with babies win other extra points for showing promise as parents. However, we'll check back in 14 years to see how that's going. By the way, learn how MySpace.com works now.
Steanso wins special points for admitting he'd make a great bum. Which, really, gives him negative points.
And, lastly, Harms gets special mention for having a lovely vignette to share, which, if repeated, will lead him into RHPT territory next year. Congrats on finding love, Harms. It's the biggest miracle in this crooked old world when two folks can find one another and the planets and stars align in your favor.
We're more or less off and running. Hope you guys took a break for the weekend. I did.
The sixth question was produced in order to get ya'll to open up and tell The League a little bit about yourself. Some of you went macrocosmic, some of you went a little more personal. Some of you play your cards a little close to the vest. And a heck of a lot of you went gushy. Here's how it trickled out...
Question 6:
You know what was the most amazing day this year?
Eric Nordtrom: The day I won my first trial.
Tamara: (editor's note: no answer. but I am sure she meant to say "The day I realized how fulfilling it is to participate in The League of Melbotis Awards.")
Natalie: Personally? Moving into my own apartment for the first time in my life. Globally? Live 8? I guess?
Jim D.: No, please tell me. I must have missed it. In fact, I know I did.
Ryan V.: Umm….
Peabo: Okay, it wasn’t 2005, but the Rose Bowl. Hell, even the Rose Bowl against Michigan was great. Or the Ohio St. game (which I was at as well). I don’t cry easily, but I experienced levels of euphoria and joy that are too sacred to mention. Best. Game. Ever.
Denise: Turning 30 while in Jamaica. Spent the day with my husband snorkeling, sailing on a catamaran, horseback riding, swimming, eating and getting very drunk. Ahhh..Yeah Mon! No problem, Mon! Irie. Irie. Will I go back? Yeah Mon!
RHPT: Every day I spend with my loving wife is amazing.
Nathan: You would think I would say March 18, 2006, the day Samantha was born, but I think I would vote for the next day, the day it finally sank in, as Renata and I rested in our darkened hospital room, watching "The Ten Commandments" on a hospital TV, the rain gently brushing the window, and Sam-I-Am swaddled up a few feet away.
Social Bobcat: the day i messed around playing hoops and got a triple-double; i didn't even have to use my AK, i have to say it was a good day, nay an amazing one.
Maxwell: The day Texas won the National Championship. Do you believe? We believe! Texas! Texas! Yee-haw!
Harms: The most amazing day was the day my girlfriend and I went to San Francisco for the first time together. It was something that I knew would be a nice day, but I never knew how nice.
We drove up early in the morning and found good parking in The Mission. We walked to Ti Couz and had great breakfast crepes. She looked great and her hair was so soft. She wore a knit pink sweater that buttoned up near the throat.
After breakfast we wandered up the mission streets and I went to Borderlands and bought, from an independent book seller, the new Harry Potter. After that we drove up to the Golden Gate and walked across it together.
The fog was coming in thick and billowy and about halfway across you couldn't see either spit of land. We stood and listened to the fog-horns bellow and I thought about just how great she was.
She tells me that when she got to the other side she decided she was in love with me. I love this idea: we started as a boy and a girl on a bridge, we ended a boy and a girl in the early rush of love with one another.
It was a good day.
Steanso: I'm not sure I had an amazing day this year, which in retrospect is potentially depressing. How many other people had amazing days? (I'm sure that people who got married or had a kid or something will plug that in as their "amazing day", but I didn't do any of that. I had lots of good days, but they were mostly just collections of small moments spent with friends, family, and Cassidy. Back when I was out of work last summer I remember having one day when I was floating in Barton Creek with just Cassidy and no one else was at the creek and I could hear birds, bugs, wind in the trees, and water gurgling and it was just insanely peaceful and relaxing and I had one of those moments of realization which rarely occur while you're living them in which I thought, "This is just about perfect..."
CrackBass: I imagine the horns winning the Rose Bowl, is the one that stands out…
Reed-o: May 16th, 2005
No question. The day my wife, Jennifer, gave birth to our first child, a daughter, Meredith Cynthia Shaw at home, without drugs, and a 30 plus hour labor. The most amazing thing I have ever seen a human being do.
D. Loyd: 2/21/06. My daughter's birthday.
Jamie: Since the year is only a few months old, I'd say last Saturday. My brother, Doug, and his girlfriend Kristen were here and we all went to the zoo. Every day at the zoo is a happy day! Yay aminals!!
The League: Infidels! I have scientific proof that the greatest event in recent memory was UT's victory in the Rose Bowl game. I could not sleep. I could not work the day afterward. You all can have the births of your babies and falling in love. I wanted my national championship.
Also, seeing Jamie in the recovery room post-surgery on the day after Thanksgiving, and knowing all had gone well. Thanks to the drugs, she couldn't remember seeing me immediately after surgery, but she could remember that The Suns had won their game.
Also, the day Lucy actually "sat" on command. We thought we'd gotten our hands on the first dog to survive without a brain. Sadly, that was also the last command Lucy ever really learned.
A day that should not go without mention: The bizarro day in Beaumont with Jim D., RHPT, Peabo, Steanso and Jamie. A wonderful day despite the technical difficulties.
THE RESULTS
Well, from a numerical standpoint, ya'll are having a lot of babies. It's babies ahoy here at The League of Melbotis. You guys have to fight over which kid wins. The League does not play favorites. Also, isn't it time CrackBass got cranking and had a kid? If you don't step up to the plate, I am sure Steanso will...
UT Football also gets a mad shout out for it's National Championship and for reminding Southern Californians that just because they think so doesn't make it so.
The "Boo" goes out to Jim D. for his failure to identify anything pleasant in the past year. Randy is a close contender for being completely whipped.
Ryan V. gets the coveted "..." award for his non-answer.
No special award is given out on this one, which mean everyone who tried on this one gets the award. It's too tough to pick one out when people are sharing a unique experience.
Oh, heck, Peabo wins extra points for admitting to weeping like a wee school girl over a football game. The League, being manly, swears he didn't cry. Really.
Folks with babies win other extra points for showing promise as parents. However, we'll check back in 14 years to see how that's going. By the way, learn how MySpace.com works now.
Steanso wins special points for admitting he'd make a great bum. Which, really, gives him negative points.
And, lastly, Harms gets special mention for having a lovely vignette to share, which, if repeated, will lead him into RHPT territory next year. Congrats on finding love, Harms. It's the biggest miracle in this crooked old world when two folks can find one another and the planets and stars align in your favor.
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Jamie turns 31
It's March 25th, which means that we stand on the eve of Peabo's birthday.
It ALSO means that Jamie turns 31 today. In our house, we celebrate birthdays.
flowers and a balloon for the birthday girl
As youc an imagine, much of the celebrating took place while Jamie's parents, my parents and D&K were here. So today has been low-key.
First off was a trip to secure Jamie's birthday donuts, followed by consumption of donuts.
Around 12:00 we headed to Chandler Lanes for some bowling.
My first game in five years I bowled a 133. Not bad if I say so myself. Then I bowled a 95. Jamie bowled over 100 in both games. I loves the bowling, but it's kind of an odd thing to do with just two people and a lack of booze to keep your heand steady.
This afternoon I made a cake.
a birthday cake for a birthday girl
Jamie supplements her first piece of cake with a small addition
All in all, so far, a nice day. Yes, UT lost their game, but we're in a pretty good mood here, anyway. We will soon head for a local Thai restaurant, where I shall order a delicious soup.
Jamie and Lucy enjoy some sunshine. Mel is unpictured as he is retrieving a ball.
Happy birthday, sweetie-pie.
if you look closely, you can see Jeff on the floor enjoying a sunbeam
It's March 25th, which means that we stand on the eve of Peabo's birthday.
It ALSO means that Jamie turns 31 today. In our house, we celebrate birthdays.
flowers and a balloon for the birthday girl
As youc an imagine, much of the celebrating took place while Jamie's parents, my parents and D&K were here. So today has been low-key.
First off was a trip to secure Jamie's birthday donuts, followed by consumption of donuts.
Around 12:00 we headed to Chandler Lanes for some bowling.
My first game in five years I bowled a 133. Not bad if I say so myself. Then I bowled a 95. Jamie bowled over 100 in both games. I loves the bowling, but it's kind of an odd thing to do with just two people and a lack of booze to keep your heand steady.
This afternoon I made a cake.
a birthday cake for a birthday girl
Jamie supplements her first piece of cake with a small addition
All in all, so far, a nice day. Yes, UT lost their game, but we're in a pretty good mood here, anyway. We will soon head for a local Thai restaurant, where I shall order a delicious soup.
Jamie and Lucy enjoy some sunshine. Mel is unpictured as he is retrieving a ball.
Happy birthday, sweetie-pie.
if you look closely, you can see Jeff on the floor enjoying a sunbeam
Friday, March 24, 2006
SNAKES ON A PLANE
People, or more specifically RHPT, keep asking me to discuss "Snakes on a Plane".
I don't actually know anything about "Snakes on a Plane" other than that the title sums up the premise, it stars Samuel L. Jackson, and it's become this weird internt virus thingy.
And, @#$% yeah I'm going to see this movie when it comes out. Snakes on a Plane? Heck, yeah.
For more on "Snakes on a Plane", visit the official "Snakes on a Plane" site here.
People, or more specifically RHPT, keep asking me to discuss "Snakes on a Plane".
I don't actually know anything about "Snakes on a Plane" other than that the title sums up the premise, it stars Samuel L. Jackson, and it's become this weird internt virus thingy.
And, @#$% yeah I'm going to see this movie when it comes out. Snakes on a Plane? Heck, yeah.
For more on "Snakes on a Plane", visit the official "Snakes on a Plane" site here.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
The Fabulous Fifth Question
Tamara is the only intelligent contestant, but that means she also won't win this category. Sorry, doll.
Here we discuss TV. We know that 99% of programming is dumb. Even the ridiculous crud they show during the PBS telethons is 78% unwatchable hoo-hah. What's really sad is that TV, when launched, was seen as the great equalizer, allowing anyone to have access to information, anytime, anywhere. Instead, we filled our laughing box with Milton Berle in a dress, lit up the Osmonds, gave Geraldo Rivera a platform and wound up with a show called Temptation Island.
We should all be eradicated like cockroaches.
Anyhoo...
Question #5: It is bad television, and yet I cannot look away
Eric Nordtrom: Dancing with the Stars.
Tamara: Once again, yer movin' pitcher box makes me skeered!
Natalie: Any Houston Texans football game.
Jim D.: This is a tough one. I'd have to say American Idol, which I can't stop watching. I really can't. I probably need help. Someone help me.
Ryan V.: I don’t know if it’s bad, per se, but I love Nip/Tuck. And, like Jimbo, I still tune in to watch American Idol (though I DVR it and usually cover an episode in 1/4 of the time).
Peabo: Nanny 911. It is pure greatness. Some of these kids run the household. Kids like that are the reasons sweatshops were invented.
Denise: Project Runway. I can’t help myself. I like watching gay men in catfights.
RHPT: Drawn Together. It's incredibly vulgar and offensive, but I am compelled to watch anything animated. A close second would be Alias. The show stopped being good long ago, but I'm a creature of habit.
Nathan: The closest thing I can think of is "Dancing with the Stars," which made me smile-a-plenty.
Social Bobcat: Deal or No Deal - it's fun to watch the contestants and their families slowly lose their grip on reasonableness and statistics
Maxwell: Project Runway. Don't look so shocked, Andrae.
Harms: I have so little time I have virtually no time for TV, let alone bad.
Steanso: Wife Swap. When goat-blood-drinking Wiccan high priestesses are mixed with the families of fanatically conservative Bible thumping fundamentalists, comedy gold is bound to ensue.
CrackBass: American Idol. I hate it, but I watch for the train wreck. And I feel like a stupid American that I hate when I do so.
Reed-o: Texas A&M football (editor's note: Knowing Reed the way I do, this made me cry a little bit. Poor little fella.)
D. Loyd: The first weeks of Idol.
Jamie: American Idol. I think I've missed maybe 2 episodes throughout it's entire run. I *know* it's terrible but I can't stop!
The League: This question was inspired by the fact that I wrote these questions while watching a DVR'd Flavor of Love. Many of you will say that DVR has saved you from the floatsam and jetsam of the TV landscape. At The League of Melbotis, it has done nothing but make bad TV all the more convenient.
Yes, it's exactly the same formula as ABC's The Bachelor, but who cares about former cheerleaders who all look like JC Penney's catalog underwear models trying to justify their banality and pursuing the guy from the sport coats section of the Kohl's catalog?
Leaguers, I submit to you... How can I go wrong watching ex-crackhead and hype-man Flava Flav as he is woo'ed by 20 LA dwelling reality TV show bottomfeeders? Flav is not but a 13-year old in a 46 year old man's body. What to do when presented with so many women fighting for your attention? I'll tell you what you do. You repeatedly shout your own name and demand that the girls be "real."
That "New York" chick was also a total bitch.
RESULTS:
What is that, four or five for American Idol and a few for Dancing with the Stars and Project Runway?
American Idol seems to be an odds-on favorite, and given its ratings, I am not surprised a few of you confessed to giving into the addictive quality of the program. You'll note Jamie watches the show, which means The League must suffer through as well. And I'll tell you something, Leaguers: That Ace guy needs a cock punching.
The formula is simple, the drama is simple and gripping. You can even miss a week and pop right back in, learning instantly waht you missed at the beginning of the next week's episodes. Randy and Paula may be remarkable entertainers and/ or musicians, but they are lackluster judges. We all know it's Simon, who says what we're all thinking anyway, who runs that show.
Anyhoo, I can, and frequently do, look away. My recommendation? Listen to Ryan V. The show is about 40% commercials and another 45% filler. DVR the show and then watch before voting time is over. You'll miss Randy's prattling and Paula's drugged-out monologues. Listen to the singer and then Simon and then stand in judgment. This formula has kept our marriage alive.
That said, it is a crap show that we've somehow all come to agree upon. In twenty years, when VH1 is runnin it's "I Heart the 00's" special in some form of meta-postmodern sly winking and nodding, you know kids will stare at the TV and say "THIS was the biggest show on TV? WHY?" And you, you will have no answer.
Who gets the "Boo"? Oh, please. It's totally Harms, who is "too busy" to watch TV. Pfft. You have iTunes and a commute, do you not, Mr. I'm Too Good For Dr. Phil?
Tamara, while confessing she has no TV, showed the proper respect for us couch zombies by showing an adequate level of shame at her no-TV-havin'-lifestyle.
Best response? Me. Because I freakin' love Flava Flav. How is this man not in public office?
I can't do that, can I...?
Oh, heck, It's Steanso and Peabo (and maybe the Social Bobcat). Steanso and Peabo (and maybe the Social Bobcat) get the award for demonstrating the proper level of misanthropy when it comes to reality television subjects.
Tamara is the only intelligent contestant, but that means she also won't win this category. Sorry, doll.
Here we discuss TV. We know that 99% of programming is dumb. Even the ridiculous crud they show during the PBS telethons is 78% unwatchable hoo-hah. What's really sad is that TV, when launched, was seen as the great equalizer, allowing anyone to have access to information, anytime, anywhere. Instead, we filled our laughing box with Milton Berle in a dress, lit up the Osmonds, gave Geraldo Rivera a platform and wound up with a show called Temptation Island.
We should all be eradicated like cockroaches.
Anyhoo...
Question #5: It is bad television, and yet I cannot look away
Eric Nordtrom: Dancing with the Stars.
Tamara: Once again, yer movin' pitcher box makes me skeered!
Natalie: Any Houston Texans football game.
Jim D.: This is a tough one. I'd have to say American Idol, which I can't stop watching. I really can't. I probably need help. Someone help me.
Ryan V.: I don’t know if it’s bad, per se, but I love Nip/Tuck. And, like Jimbo, I still tune in to watch American Idol (though I DVR it and usually cover an episode in 1/4 of the time).
Peabo: Nanny 911. It is pure greatness. Some of these kids run the household. Kids like that are the reasons sweatshops were invented.
Denise: Project Runway. I can’t help myself. I like watching gay men in catfights.
RHPT: Drawn Together. It's incredibly vulgar and offensive, but I am compelled to watch anything animated. A close second would be Alias. The show stopped being good long ago, but I'm a creature of habit.
Nathan: The closest thing I can think of is "Dancing with the Stars," which made me smile-a-plenty.
Social Bobcat: Deal or No Deal - it's fun to watch the contestants and their families slowly lose their grip on reasonableness and statistics
Maxwell: Project Runway. Don't look so shocked, Andrae.
Harms: I have so little time I have virtually no time for TV, let alone bad.
Steanso: Wife Swap. When goat-blood-drinking Wiccan high priestesses are mixed with the families of fanatically conservative Bible thumping fundamentalists, comedy gold is bound to ensue.
CrackBass: American Idol. I hate it, but I watch for the train wreck. And I feel like a stupid American that I hate when I do so.
Reed-o: Texas A&M football (editor's note: Knowing Reed the way I do, this made me cry a little bit. Poor little fella.)
D. Loyd: The first weeks of Idol.
Jamie: American Idol. I think I've missed maybe 2 episodes throughout it's entire run. I *know* it's terrible but I can't stop!
The League: This question was inspired by the fact that I wrote these questions while watching a DVR'd Flavor of Love. Many of you will say that DVR has saved you from the floatsam and jetsam of the TV landscape. At The League of Melbotis, it has done nothing but make bad TV all the more convenient.
Yes, it's exactly the same formula as ABC's The Bachelor, but who cares about former cheerleaders who all look like JC Penney's catalog underwear models trying to justify their banality and pursuing the guy from the sport coats section of the Kohl's catalog?
Leaguers, I submit to you... How can I go wrong watching ex-crackhead and hype-man Flava Flav as he is woo'ed by 20 LA dwelling reality TV show bottomfeeders? Flav is not but a 13-year old in a 46 year old man's body. What to do when presented with so many women fighting for your attention? I'll tell you what you do. You repeatedly shout your own name and demand that the girls be "real."
That "New York" chick was also a total bitch.
RESULTS:
What is that, four or five for American Idol and a few for Dancing with the Stars and Project Runway?
American Idol seems to be an odds-on favorite, and given its ratings, I am not surprised a few of you confessed to giving into the addictive quality of the program. You'll note Jamie watches the show, which means The League must suffer through as well. And I'll tell you something, Leaguers: That Ace guy needs a cock punching.
The formula is simple, the drama is simple and gripping. You can even miss a week and pop right back in, learning instantly waht you missed at the beginning of the next week's episodes. Randy and Paula may be remarkable entertainers and/ or musicians, but they are lackluster judges. We all know it's Simon, who says what we're all thinking anyway, who runs that show.
Anyhoo, I can, and frequently do, look away. My recommendation? Listen to Ryan V. The show is about 40% commercials and another 45% filler. DVR the show and then watch before voting time is over. You'll miss Randy's prattling and Paula's drugged-out monologues. Listen to the singer and then Simon and then stand in judgment. This formula has kept our marriage alive.
That said, it is a crap show that we've somehow all come to agree upon. In twenty years, when VH1 is runnin it's "I Heart the 00's" special in some form of meta-postmodern sly winking and nodding, you know kids will stare at the TV and say "THIS was the biggest show on TV? WHY?" And you, you will have no answer.
Who gets the "Boo"? Oh, please. It's totally Harms, who is "too busy" to watch TV. Pfft. You have iTunes and a commute, do you not, Mr. I'm Too Good For Dr. Phil?
Tamara, while confessing she has no TV, showed the proper respect for us couch zombies by showing an adequate level of shame at her no-TV-havin'-lifestyle.
Best response? Me. Because I freakin' love Flava Flav. How is this man not in public office?
I can't do that, can I...?
Oh, heck, It's Steanso and Peabo (and maybe the Social Bobcat). Steanso and Peabo (and maybe the Social Bobcat) get the award for demonstrating the proper level of misanthropy when it comes to reality television subjects.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
THE FANTASTIC FOURTH QUESTION
Movies. We all watch them. Some of us decided we'd rather watch movies than getting a real college degree. We've all seen thousands of movies, and a lot of them we can agree are pretty good. Others, we might agree, just suck.
We've already looked at the detritus of the film industry of the past year. Now, let's take a look at what we went into without much in the way of an expectation and walked out pleasantly surprised. A rare quality in a film, indeed.
So, what was my thought provoking query?
You know what was surprisingly good, but you'd never think it? (category: movie)
Eric Nordtrom: Pride and Prejudice.
Tamara: Match Point. I truly didn't believe that Woody Allen had it in him to make another movie worth viewing. And Scarlet Johansen--very tasty, indeed.
Natalie: Hitch -- cute, cute, cute. (Don't tell anyone, though.)
Jim D.: War of the Worlds (which was a very interesting portrayal of the American refugee experience and more serious in tone than most action-adventure alien flicks) and The 40 Year Old Virgin (which, though vulgar, was well written and actually clever, amusing, and possessed some level of heart). So rarely is a film "surprisingly good," though, although there are a few movies here and there which, although not "surprisingly good" may indeed rebut the presumption that they are crap.
Ryan V.: Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith.
Yes, it was over-the-top. But it was still good. After kicking us the crotch for two lifeless, C-SPAN-esque prequels, Lucas finally delivered a dark, enjoyable film.
Peabo: Cinderella Man. I just think it is tough to do a movie that is centered around boxing and avoid it being predictable or cliché. Since it was based on a true story, you knew it may not have a happy ending, and since I didn’t know the history or story of the boxer I really didn’t know how it would end.
Denise: Munich. Saw it on a whim and enjoyed it. Mossad entertaining? Yep.
RHPT: Be Cool. It was a fun, irreverent movie, and Andre 3000 was hilarious.
Nathan: The Phantom of the Opera (musical from last year)
Social Bobcat: Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo - yes, it has Rob Schneider in it and yes, most of his encounters with clients are mildly funny at best, but the main gigolo, gay aquarium repairman, and Eddie Griffith man-pimp more than make up for the cost of admission.
Maxwell: In Her Shoes. A screener was sent to me and I didn't hate it.
Harms: I finally saw Anchorman and it was hilarious. They mis-marketed the hell out of that thing. It should have been sold as an Apatow vehicle (tender, yet humiliating) and not a Will Ferrell vehicle (Puerile, but occasionally hil-aryous, and then usually involving urine).
Apatow / Feig style production triumphed again this year with "40 Year-old Virgin".
Steanso: DeadBirds
CrackBass: Constantine…overcame Keanu, and not nearly as bad as I expected. Does that count?
Reed-o: Sideways
I hate to admit it because it's such a yuppie movie, but I did enjoy it and the actor who was on Wings was pretty funny in it.
Jamie: World's Fastest Indian. Being a regular reader of Entertainment Weekly (I know...for shame! for shame! Hey, it's a great bathroom read) this one shockingly fell beneath my radar.
I can't tell you how long it's been since I saw a movie where I knew absolutely nothing about the premise going in. Enjoyable for Ryan, me, my parents, and his parents, which is not an easy challenge! Very cute movie.
The League: I dunno. Jamie just picked my first selection. I wasn't as wary about 40 Year-old Virgin as some. In Good Company with Scarlett Johannson (sp?), Topher Grace and Dennis Quaid was also a better movie than I thought it would be, even if I felt the ending was a pretty firm departure from reality. I suspect the producers wanted an ending that the original screenplay probably didn't have.
THE RESULTS
I am surprised Jim D. didn't take this opportunity to admit his secret love of King Kong.
No single movie really took the lead here for most responses. Kind of nice. Look at all the movies you have available to you that you didn't know about previously.
The "Boo" goes out to Nordstrom. Pride and Prejudice? You owe us a 200 word explanation of why this one would fall beneath your expectations.
I also get a "boo" for not having a better answer to my own question.
The response answer is a tie between Denise, because she made me laugh, and The Social Bobcat, for actually seeing a Deuce Bigalow movie ans sticking by his guns. I mean, really, how many of you guys bashing Deuce Bigalow actually saw the movie?
Movies. We all watch them. Some of us decided we'd rather watch movies than getting a real college degree. We've all seen thousands of movies, and a lot of them we can agree are pretty good. Others, we might agree, just suck.
We've already looked at the detritus of the film industry of the past year. Now, let's take a look at what we went into without much in the way of an expectation and walked out pleasantly surprised. A rare quality in a film, indeed.
So, what was my thought provoking query?
You know what was surprisingly good, but you'd never think it? (category: movie)
Eric Nordtrom: Pride and Prejudice.
Tamara: Match Point. I truly didn't believe that Woody Allen had it in him to make another movie worth viewing. And Scarlet Johansen--very tasty, indeed.
Natalie: Hitch -- cute, cute, cute. (Don't tell anyone, though.)
Jim D.: War of the Worlds (which was a very interesting portrayal of the American refugee experience and more serious in tone than most action-adventure alien flicks) and The 40 Year Old Virgin (which, though vulgar, was well written and actually clever, amusing, and possessed some level of heart). So rarely is a film "surprisingly good," though, although there are a few movies here and there which, although not "surprisingly good" may indeed rebut the presumption that they are crap.
Ryan V.: Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith.
Yes, it was over-the-top. But it was still good. After kicking us the crotch for two lifeless, C-SPAN-esque prequels, Lucas finally delivered a dark, enjoyable film.
Peabo: Cinderella Man. I just think it is tough to do a movie that is centered around boxing and avoid it being predictable or cliché. Since it was based on a true story, you knew it may not have a happy ending, and since I didn’t know the history or story of the boxer I really didn’t know how it would end.
Denise: Munich. Saw it on a whim and enjoyed it. Mossad entertaining? Yep.
RHPT: Be Cool. It was a fun, irreverent movie, and Andre 3000 was hilarious.
Nathan: The Phantom of the Opera (musical from last year)
Social Bobcat: Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo - yes, it has Rob Schneider in it and yes, most of his encounters with clients are mildly funny at best, but the main gigolo, gay aquarium repairman, and Eddie Griffith man-pimp more than make up for the cost of admission.
Maxwell: In Her Shoes. A screener was sent to me and I didn't hate it.
Harms: I finally saw Anchorman and it was hilarious. They mis-marketed the hell out of that thing. It should have been sold as an Apatow vehicle (tender, yet humiliating) and not a Will Ferrell vehicle (Puerile, but occasionally hil-aryous, and then usually involving urine).
Apatow / Feig style production triumphed again this year with "40 Year-old Virgin".
Steanso: DeadBirds
CrackBass: Constantine…overcame Keanu, and not nearly as bad as I expected. Does that count?
Reed-o: Sideways
I hate to admit it because it's such a yuppie movie, but I did enjoy it and the actor who was on Wings was pretty funny in it.
Jamie: World's Fastest Indian. Being a regular reader of Entertainment Weekly (I know...for shame! for shame! Hey, it's a great bathroom read) this one shockingly fell beneath my radar.
I can't tell you how long it's been since I saw a movie where I knew absolutely nothing about the premise going in. Enjoyable for Ryan, me, my parents, and his parents, which is not an easy challenge! Very cute movie.
The League: I dunno. Jamie just picked my first selection. I wasn't as wary about 40 Year-old Virgin as some. In Good Company with Scarlett Johannson (sp?), Topher Grace and Dennis Quaid was also a better movie than I thought it would be, even if I felt the ending was a pretty firm departure from reality. I suspect the producers wanted an ending that the original screenplay probably didn't have.
THE RESULTS
I am surprised Jim D. didn't take this opportunity to admit his secret love of King Kong.
No single movie really took the lead here for most responses. Kind of nice. Look at all the movies you have available to you that you didn't know about previously.
The "Boo" goes out to Nordstrom. Pride and Prejudice? You owe us a 200 word explanation of why this one would fall beneath your expectations.
I also get a "boo" for not having a better answer to my own question.
The response answer is a tie between Denise, because she made me laugh, and The Social Bobcat, for actually seeing a Deuce Bigalow movie ans sticking by his guns. I mean, really, how many of you guys bashing Deuce Bigalow actually saw the movie?
V for Vendetta
I did a little comic versus film comparison. You can see it at Nanostalgia.com
Go there now, citizen.
I did a little comic versus film comparison. You can see it at Nanostalgia.com
Go there now, citizen.
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