Saturday, February 18, 2006

Cowgirl Funk is having the best week ever.


So longtime Loyal Leaguer Maxwell of Cowgirl Funk has had herself an interesting week. Go check out her blog to see her visit to the White House with the mighty UT Longhorns and Dubya himself.

Read here.

And to learn how this came to be, and to see Maxwell getting personal with the Presidential pets, read her hubby's blog here.

Friday, February 17, 2006

The League identifies a non-dumb Winter Olympic/ X-TREME sport

You know what's really dull after two contestants have gone through? The snowboarding half-pipe. You know what's even more dull? Skiing. Anything but that tricky obstacle course skiing is as much fun as regression analysis.

Tonight, between figure skaters, NBC featured a sport I'd never even heard of before: Snowboard Cross.

It's like a BMX race on the snow using snowboards. No endless critique of technique, no silly outfits, just four dudes at a time hurtling down a carved out path in a mountain trying to beat each other to the end of the track. Yeah, there's strategy and skill, but there are also a lot of wipe-outs and knuckle-biting moments.

Of course, since we made up this sport in the US (like all X-Treme sports), we won the Gold, but BARELY, Leaguers. And it was fun to watch.

read more here
RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES

So you're probably wondering what The League thinks about two of the big stories of the day. What? No?

No, I'm not touching the further adventures of the Abu Ghraib scandal with a ten foot pole. That's prime Steanso territory, and I'd hate to steal his thunder.


Cartoon Riot

Harms has the best posts on this I've read so far here

The League didn't say much early on because The League was not really wanting to get into a flame war with some angry person he does not know from a far off land. Like Beaumont.

Honestly, the cartoonists probably made a miscalculation when they forgot that depictions of the prophet Mohammed are forbidden in Islam. Or maybe they did know and they felt like poking the tiger with a stick probably figuring nobody pays any attention to Denmark, anyway (it's always the quiet ones). Who knows? But that's about as far as I'll go in defending what's now, what?, two weeks' worth of damage to life, limb and property across the whole of the Middle East.

Whenever I get blue about something that may happen in the U.S. of A., all it takes is a few seconds of international TV to remind me that we've got it pretty good with our whole semi-protected freedom of press dealy-o.

Freedom of press and speech doesn't mean (as Jim D. once wisely pointed out to me) that you are free from repercussions for saying what you like or printing anything which comes to mind. Part of this freedom of the press bit that is interesting is that we often ALSO have people calling for heads in our country. But I like to think the cumulative effect in Western Culture is that we acknowledge that people can say and print what they like, and we hope that things sort of even out with printed and spoken counter-points. IE: We don't feel the need to arm grannies with AK-47's and parade through the streets whenever someone prints something we don't like (I always love grannies with machine guns).

I assume it's not the cartoons themselves which are sparking the rioting. I assume this is really about the frustration with the West that has been building since World War II. And while I may not agree with US policy at every turn in regards to the Middle East, this is one place where the West, in general, should stand firm. As upset as the rioters may feel towards the strips, if we hold freedom of the expression as sacred as we claim we do, I'd like to see someone, somewhere explain in print why the West tends to shrug these things off.

The quandry for Western editors is clearly whether or not they should paint a big, red target on their employees by reprinting the cartoons. One of the great ironies of the story is that in two weeks, I still haven't seen the strips, and I'm a fairly avid consumer of news. This lack of action leads me to believe that editors are being extremely careful, perhaps overcautious, in their decision making.

All of this, of course, should be a cautionary tale to Westerners who take their freedoms for granted and who passively poo-poo censorship but feel the fight is already won. Obviously American media feels the need to censor the images, or we would have all been overwhelmed with Danish cartoons.

Is it waving the strips in the face of the Muslim world to rebroadcast, reprint or redistribute strips which are 6 months old? That seems to be a key complaint of the rioters. But is the rest of the world beholden to their belief anymore than I should be hemmed in by a Catholic's decison not to eat meat on Friday, Jamie's devotion to the Flying Spaghetti Monster or Steanso's belief in the divination of the Doug Henning?

I'm fascinated by, and I'm sure Scott McCloud would have a book's worth to say on the topic of, the power of the iconography here. It's worth considering how words and pictures have melded to have meaning beyond simple ink lines. Clearly there's a hell of a lot more going on here externally, but it would be an interesting case studyto see the cartoons themselves to understand the power of an icon which is, by law, not supposed to be portrayed in any way.

For more on these sorts of ideas, I recommend McCloud's "Understanding Comics".

Heidi has identified some interesting fallout. Apparently, in the face of the state-sponsored Iranian "Holocaust Funnies" contest, an Israeli comix company has decided to pitch their own Israeli Anti-Semitic Cartoon Contest.

Leaguers, you can't make this stuff up.



With Friends Like Cheney

Nor can you make THIS stuff up.

I've never been shot in the face with birdshot, but I reckon it hurts like a bastard. While I may see Dick Cheney as a chairless Old Man Potter, you gotta feel a little bad for both parties when someone unintentionally shoots their pal.

As an avid eater of meat, I'm not against hunting because I think it's a wretched pursuit. The League is against hunting because it's boring.

The League values it's time and considers sitting in a box in the freezing cold at 5:00 am in December to be sort of stupid. Especially since the only way you can guarantee a deer is to bait the deer all season long and then shoot it on the one day you get your fat ass out of bed and remember to load your gun with the telescopic scope. To us, this is the equivalent of showing up at Fatburger one day and the clerk shooting a hole in your neck. I don't think I consider that a "sport". (Don't worry, I don't think lots of things are sports).

Quail hunting seems to consist of scaring birds into flight and then blasting a wide enough patch of sky that you manage to actually hit something. I assume you use this method because you're too lousy to do it with a .22 or something that requires skill. Honestly, to me, I fail to see the difference between using a shotgun or tossing a net over the birds and then hitting them with a shovel.

I was sick with the flu when the story broke about the Veep's mishap, and thus I more or less slept through the first 24 hour news cycle. The press seems to feel there's some hint of a cover-up going on, but it seems more like a mish-mash of bad information from a press corp that can't get a story straight unless they're working in 5 second sound bites.

Cheney took it on the chin and took full responsibility for what happened. Sort of. He also received a $7 citation, which seems like not much punishment.

I'm guessing no charges will be pressed, and I don't pretend to understand the law enough to know what the usual route for this sort of accident would be. I know that: had the guy died, they have a term called "manslaughter" that has some harsh consequences in Tejas. Again, honestly, I don't know the law, and I'm not looking to see the Veep go up the river on this one.

And, of course, things are always less funny when you shoot someone in the head and chest.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

A few quick items:

1) For some odd reason, Jim D. wants to start a book club. For some entirely odder reason, he wants me to lead said club. I just need to ask: how many of the rest of you poor souls have me confused with an avid reader?

2) I am feeling better. I've been at work the past two days.

3) Things went south with that thing I was hoping for. C'est la vie.

4) Valentine's Day was okay. I worked late.

5) I've been thanklessly pitching DC Comics to the world at large over at Nanostalgia.com. There are also conversations on many other pop-culture related topics ongoing.

6) My favorite cancelled series, Action, is coming to DVD.

7) I am already sick of the Olympics. Tonight I ran Lucy and watched stuff off the DVR instead of watching people fly down a hill. I have no idea what I'm looking at anymore. I can't cheer for a guy named "Joey Cheeks". I'm from Texas. Snow sports make as much sense to me as cricket.

8) Mel is a good boy.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Olympic Review

So here we are in day 18 or something of the Olympics. So far here's what I've learned:

  • People like to say "Bode"
  • The Chinese can take a hit to the knee and still keep going
  • While snowboarding has now been legitimized as a sport, the expert commentators still sound like a bunch of morons
  • The Russian figure skater I remember from 2002 must not have made the Olympics in 2006
  • Curling is exactly as boring as you would assume it might be
  • According to commentator Dick Button, no one is a good enough skater to grace our television screens
  • If you can choreograph a 5th grade pageant, you can get a shot at the Olympic opening ceremonies
  • People really like to say "The Flying Tomato"
  • Male figure skaters should never try to be "tough" in their routines
  • There's nothing to make you feel guilty like getting really excited because somebody got knocked out participating in the luge
  • Replacing all the players on a hockey team with women somehow still doesn't make me interested in hockey
  • Oh, how I hate that Plushenko

Well, that's it for the lessons so far. Lucy is now licking the computer which tells me it's time to knock it off.

This guy in the 007 outfit is awful. I can't believe I know the difference.

Oh, an extra special lesson: Young prosecutors are like sexy, holy angels. This must include Steanso, who is, apparently 4 years older than the avergae prosecutor. Does Steanso lack CONVICTION?

There's a big Comic Convention going on.

Here's a picture from the upcoming relaunch of Justice League America.
From RHPT.com

A very special Star Wars Valentine's Day hyperlink.

Go here.

be forewarned: Some of these are not PG.

Monday, February 13, 2006

SICK!

The League is sick. Woe is me.

Hopefully we'll be back in our usual, chipper form in a day or two.

Friday, February 10, 2006

The Olympic Opening Ceremonies

Why am I watching this? It's 10:30 Mountain Time, I started watching around 6:30, and I have yet to think any of this is a very good idea.

At what point did the Olympic Opening Ceremonies become...

Oh, @#$%. It's Yoko Ono. Seriously. That woman makes me want to turn against peace. In fact, Yoko One makes me want to throw bricks at all shortish widows of former Beatles. She really knows how to milk John's legacy, doesn't she?

Okay, back to my point (I'm ignoring Peter Gabriel and his floating piano stand). When did the Olympic Ceremonies become a jumbo discount Cirque du Soleil? If you went from the bizarro ceremonies at the Olympics, you'd think that all people cared about in the host country was ancient history, ugly clothes and modern dance. Where the @#$% do they find all the acrobats, dippy dancers and silly costumers for these things? I'm sure most of Italy is watching this and is collectively slapping their forehead.

My theory: The wealthy backers of the Olympics bring the Olympics to town for the sole purpose of employing their underachieving children who got a useless degree and are now living in the basement waiting for their "big break".

I guess people pay to see stuff like this all the time. After all, people pay to see Cirque and all that stuff. There's something to watching people dressed in tights zip about that really appeals to upper middle class folks in search of culture.

Oh, here comes the torch. Flame on!

Passing thought: Why do the Americans use a Canadian company to make their winter gear for the ceremonies? Those outfits are dumb.

This torch thing is taking a while. Did you see Sophia Loren? She looks like she's slowly turning into gold. Why was Susan Sarandon there? I like Susan Sarandon, but, what was that..?

Whoa. the Olympic Flame looks like it should have Sauron's eye looking out of it. It's creepy.

Ah, well. No Katie Couric to ruin it all for me like she did the Summer Olympics. And every other thing she's ever managed to worm her way into. Just Costas and Brian Williams giving us the play-by-play of which country hates which other country as they entered the arena. Never thought you'd those Danish athletes looking over their shoulder, did you?

Well, now I have to sit through a lot of figure skating. The hardest part about that is not making comments upon what a fine figure some of the lady skaters make.

Oh, f'ing sweet. It's f'ing Pavarotti. Whoa. Dude, I can tell you're using "Just for Men". Wow, he's good. This is the first thing that's impressed me yet.

I guess I'll watch the luge. I like anything involving hurtling down a hill at very dangerous speeds with a high chance of a bone shattering wipe-out.

Pavarotti is wearing an f'ing cape. He's a total ruler. Man, that guy rocks the house.

That torch is totally freaking me out. Who was that? She was cute. I'm going to find out she's 15 and get in trouble.

Fireworks! SHAZAM!

Wow, that's way better than the fireworks in Chandler.

Young prosecutors, real consequences, only one thing counts... CONVICTION.

You know, when Steanso was a young defense attorney, I seem to recall him saying that was exactly the problem. Oh, well. He totally sold out and works for the system now. Way to become a tool of The Man.

Who the hell is Mary Carillo? She has a nice, tenor voice.

Anyway, I don't use the word "fruity" lightly, because I usually don't like the connotation. But, Leaguers, these Olympic openings seem to get fruitier and fruitier. Just watching the montage here at the end is making me realize that I will never get back the last four hours of my life. I am hard pressed to believe that if the show that I just watched wasn't tied to the Olympics that a single person would have watched it from beginning to end.

I also am totally baffled by the Bode Miller deal. He just doesn't interview well. What's the story here? He's a 20-something that drinks on the weekend? Stop the @#$%ing presses! Why are people turning on this guy? He's the first person I've liked in the olympics who wasn't a Russian female figure skater. He also keeps telling the press he doesn't care for them. Well, they LOVE that, Bode. Ah, well. I still have no idea what his sport is.

Ah, well. I just want to give a final salute to the guys who intentionally set their heads on fire and skated around the arena. That's dedication, Leaguers.

And an extra shout out to the poor balding bastard who got thrown off the Skeleton Crew for using Propecia. That poor guy just wanted to reduce the shine for a while longer... The anti-doping agency is dumb.

Oh my GOD, my local network sent their dumbest Scottsdale bimbo to the Olympics for local coverage. Ughhh... I can take no more.

Seacrest out.
I can only point you to this story from The Beat.

Apparently Disney and NBC/ Universal have come to some sort of odd swap that trades my favorite fixture of Football Sportscasting for Oswald the Lucky Rabbit.

Yes, it seems Al Michaels is being swapped for Walt Disney's beta-version of Mickey Mouse, which was owned by Universal.

With this item and the story on NPR today about the potential for the IRS to begin taxing awards won in games like World of Warcraft that now appear to have real financial value, I can only feel like the boundaries between the real and the imaginary are at last collapsing in a way which will really suit my lifestyle.

Man, I would give my left arm to be swapped for QuickDraw McGraw. That would be so @#$%ing cool.
I know what ice cream treat The League will be enjoying this summer. The Superman Homepage has a blurb on an upcoming Superman themed ice cream treat from Nestle's.

Read here.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Worst Idea in the World Files

Wow. I HAVE to assume, despite the reliable news source, that this is a joke.

Randy sends this along.

Jamie is sitting behind me shouting "How?" "Why?"

I can assume that if your career plans involve a well secured brass pole that you might find a use.

Ladies, one day you may be a sweet 'ol granny. Just keep that in mind when you decide it would be awesome to have your boob playing Outkast.

I do wonder: How does one recharge the device? If a little gel causes cancer, what's a leaky battery going to do?

I can't wait to be able to download "Boot Scoot Boogie" to my pace maker and have "Enter Sandman" as part of my "male enhancement" plans.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Real-Life Superheroes File: Mr. Silent

In case you missed it a while back when we discussed Real-Life Superhero Mr. Silent, you might want to check this out.

Anyhoo, go through the comments section. Mr. Silent takes some time out of his busy schedule to drop a "howdy" to The League and explain a bit about himself.

This is THRICE that someone commented upon has popped up to put in their two cents after I made a post. I'm pretty darn excited by this incident as, well, Mr. Silent is a SUPERHERO. As you know, The League supports superheroes, but it's not often we get one chiming in.

So, thanks, Mr. Silent! Keep up the good work. We appreciate all that you do.

Now, let's be careful out there.
Your results:
You are Superman
Superman
80%
Robin
57%
Green Lantern
55%
Supergirl
53%
Spider-Man
50%
Batman
50%
Iron Man
50%
Hulk
40%
Wonder Woman
38%
Catwoman
35%
The Flash
30%
You are mild-mannered, good,
strong and you love to help others.
Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz
Judy and Dick are here, kicking it in-law style. So don't expect much in the way of posts until the visit draws to a conclusion.

And I want to say, I just knew folks were going to jump all over the giant rabbit. I received the pic from a co-worker, and I'm still not sure what the story is.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Monday, February 06, 2006

I just find it interesting that Danish filmmaker Lars Von Trier's new film condemning American culture is quietly opening in the US while the Middle East has gone batshit over a Danish cartoon.

You know, The League took a year of Danish in college. Seriously.

1) I dropped Spanish after the first day as the teacher refused to speak any English. It wasn't my fault my Spanish teacher in high school was, shall we say, laissez faire, and let us play cards during class (but never for money!).

At UT there was some rule that if you had two years of high school Spanish you HAD to take advanced beginning Spanish as we should all have been on the same level.

Oh, mercy. Excuse me while I wipe a tear from my eye and get some air.

Viva Klein Oak!

2) I was flunking Italian in my second semester (taken because CB told us the class was "great"). Hey, CB, you ended up dropping... What DID you take? Did you snake your way into Sign Language? I bet you did.. Anyway, we were flunking Italian in our second semester despite daily attendance and always doing our homework. A large part of the problem was that I kept slipping into the Spanish I had taken. And I was very distracted the first semester by a delightful pair of squirrels living in the oak tree outside the window.

3) I was going to take Finnish so I could surprise my grandmother, but that class was full. Terence said "there's lots of girls in Danish", and then I found out that Danish was "accelerated." You only needed two semesters of Danish rather than four of other languages. Of course you also met 6 hours a week for two semesters.

My instructor had a hearing problem, and I suspect he was usually hung over. But he also bought us booze. Good guy.

I only remember a few phrases from the class. I can:

a) order a cup of coffee (Jeg vil gerne hav en kappe kaffee)
b) order you to shove it "up your pipe" (I don't know how this is written, but I think it's: Op jig ruv hol)
c) solicit you for sex (Vil du kneppe med mig?)

Well, really, I think that could get me by in Denmark for about a month.

Overall, I didn't see Denmark as being a hostile place. They're the land of Hans Christian Andersen for God's sake. They all own pugs and think they have tiny trolls living in their teeth.
SuperBowl Weekend

Oh, The League should never be trusted to lay bets. Last night I boldly proclaimed that the Seattle Seahawks would win by less than 7.

The League was so very wrong.

Honestly, I didn't care who won, but I just thought the Seahawks were going to surprise people. Well, yes... they surprised me. Luckily I didn't have any money on it.

Ah, heck. I like Bettis. The Steelers are a fun team. Congrats.

That said, I also watched about 70% of PuppyBowl II (featuring the all-new Kitten Half-Time Show). Well, "watched" is a strong word. It was on while I was in the room. But it's hard to beat three hours of puppies playing. Even when you have your own puppy tearing up what was once a very pretty little backyard.

Anyhoo, congrats to the puppies of Puppy Bowl. Those kids are going places.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Just a quick note about something that happens alot in movies and TV:

Small people with a few quick punches or a fancy kick can't usually actually knock down really big dudes.

Look, The League is a fairly big dude. And every once in a while while watching TV or a movie I'll see a 98 pound girl try a karate kick at some big guy who, of course, is standing completely still. What should be noted is that big guys are used to having to slog themselves around. Their bodies aren't a complete surprise to them. Stuff bumps into us all the time.

This probably isn't what very tiny people want to hear, but if the big person is at all used to fighting, your fancy kick is, at best, going to slow down the Really Big Dude.

Further, just FYI, it is really, really hard in real life to flip a big guy who doesn't want to be flipped. How many of you out there think you can pick up a 250 pound sack of rocks and throw it over your shoulder? Yes, yes... You can use someone's momentum against them. But if that person is any sort of experienced fighter, and unless you're a much, much better fighter, the big guy can probably deduce what you're up to and lean the other way. And even if he does go forward, how likely do you think it is he isn't going to grab you and land on you, Bruce Lee?

Sometimes I really miss my days in TaeKwonDo. But one thing I really don't miss is when I would have to spar people 1/3rd my size. (1) I always had to be really, really careful with small people. Small people tend to sail through the air in a really unattractive fashion with a solid kick. Or, if you mistime a spinkick and hit them in the back (illegal in TKD) they tend to just sort of go down. And then you have to go talk to their millionaire husbands and make them understand that there's no money there if they were thinking of sueing. (2) Small people can be a lot faster and be a smaller target. With the rules of sparring being what they are, this works in small people's favor. It's just a grossly unrealistic way of looking at how a fight would end if it wasn't a judged tournament. (Of course, some people just see you across the mat and they get "the fear", believing you will, in fact, take their block off. The League once had a high school kid run out of the ring away from him. It was sad.)

Now, I'm not saying small people can't take out bigger people, becasue they can and they do. The League has had his ass handed to him by many people, not the least of which was his alarmingly nimble instructor. Also, although not small, Dan Peters is a lot faster than he looks.

I'm mostly just trying to do two things:
1) dispel the notion that a fancy kick you saw on TV is going to do much if you're small
2) dispel the idea that big guys will generally go down with a single pop any more than small people might

So what should tiny people know? The League is no master of self-defense, but here's what we think:

Run away. There's no shame in running. Violence never solved anything. Except for proving to the Russians that our blue collar American work ethic could overcome the commies' science-zombie super-soldier boxer in Rocky IV. Suck on that, Mother Russia.

Go for the face. If you do connect, you're hitting a nerve point in there somewhere. Ears are good, especially if you can get a grip and pull real hard. Eyes are mushy. Noses hit properly will blind for a few crucial seconds. Also, the throat (not the neck) is good, too. Punch it hard.

DO NOT GO FOR THE CROTCH (unless you know what you're doing). This is usually taught in self-defense class, and I guess maybe it will work, but... Most guys learned to duck a kick to the groin at age 5. Ask any guy. Trust me, any dude who is paying attention will turn to the side, you will miss and they will be very, very angry. (This is also a constant movie cliche of over-confident bad-guys. They always stand squarely facing the target and within knee's reach. This is silly).

Use what's on hand. Your body is soft and fleshy. When flesh hits flesh, it hurts slightly more than hitting someone with a beef-log (unwrapped). You will also hurt yourself if you connect with bone. Just so you know, keys jabbing into your ribs hurt really, really bad. Phones and remotes make excellent projectiles.

Be loud. Don't just scream, scream that you're being attacked. Scream specifics. If nothing works, scream that there's a fire. People will always come to check on a fire, just in case. And don't quit screaming.

Anyway, that's a really long post inspired by a really dumb fight scene I just watched.