Dear Melbotis

Jamie writes:

Dear Melbotis,

It's been a while since we've heard from you. Are you still answering questions? What's your take on new puppy Lucy? How has her presence changed your life? How has it changed Jeff the Cat's?

Dear Jamie,

Melbotis agree that it been long time since Mel say much. Ever since Mel get e-mail, Mel have many, many e-mails. Mel keep getting e-mail from many bank asking for information for verification and Mel keep having to send and send and send. Won't bank keep Mel information written down on sticky paper?

Also, Mel send off for pills to make Mel a "man." Mel looking forward to being man and yelling at other dogs. "Sit down, doggy! Go outside, doggy!" Mel will play trick when Mel is man and Mel will go into garbage can all he want and nobody stop him.

This is what Mel think he look like when he is man.


(Mel not sure if this accurate, but Mel hear this man maybe have no testicles either)

Mel will answer many questions when Mel get them, but sometime Mel get question and he forget despite Mel having best of intentions.

Thank you, Jamie for reminding Mel every ten minutes of e-mail.

You ask about little black dog who show up. Little black dog kind of scare Mel, then Mel remember he is huge and show little black dog who boss is. So Mel pretend to eat little black dog, and when that not work, Mel actually try to eat little black dog. Little black dog is much better now.

In some way, little black dog is happy addition to backyard. Mel spend many, many afternoon in backyard with nothing to do except protect house from stupid neighbor dog. And while laying in sunshine and occasionally barking at other doggies has it plusses, sometimes Mel will get bored and sleep for, oh.... ten hour straight. Mel suppose this not real good for Mel's weight (which Stupid Man always say is, "Just fine, my man. We'll be fat together.")

Anyway, little black dog say to me, "Hey, doggy! Hey, doggy! Hey, doggy!"
And Mel say, "What?"
And she say, "What?"
And Mel say, "You say 'Hey, doggy!'"
And little black doggy say, "What?"
And Mel say, "What?"
And then little black doggy go off and chew on a rock.

Sometime she chew on Mel's ear, and Mel have to pin Lucy, but all in all, Mel like little black doggy and hope he not have to eat her.

Before answering mail, Mel went to cat and said, "hey, Cat! What about little black dog?"
And Jeff say, "-the temperature at 5:00 shall be 72 degrees with winds out of the southwest."
And Mel say, "No, little black doggy."
And Jeff say, "Your classic rock station with all the hits! Rockin' 98.5 FM!!!!"
So Mel not sure. But sometime Jeff throw up now after little black doggy tries to say "Hello."

Mel hope all Leaguers having good day. Mel happy to be back at glowy pizza box thing.

A BABY CONE FOR 2005!!!!

Hey, everybuddy!

Nathan called a while ago, and I am happy to announce the existence of one Samantha Cone.

Samantha was born around 10:00am CST this morning.

She is 7lbs. 4oz.
20 inches long.
Brown Hair.

I am unable to secure a photo of Samantha as of yet, so I am posting this delight ful picture of a very cute kitten.




I asked, and it sounds like Nathan and Renata are both doing well. They had a long night, but all systems appear to be checking out normal.

Oh, boy, are kitties ever cute. Here's another kitten I saw online.




Congratulations to Nathan and Renata! And welcome to the world, Samantha C.! You have some terrific parents, and I am sure you will be the grooviest kid on your block!

Oh, heck... here's another kitten.

Why a cowbell?

because there must always be MORE COWBELL.

Baseball, steroids and congress = a tremendous waste of time

We have at least one war going on, multiple hostile nations on the brink of nuclear armament, and, depending on your political stance, a plethora of other shenanigans going on within our own government. We're running an insanely expensive war on drugs and pretty much losing hands down. Our educational system is in core meltdown, and we've got a laundry list of other massive social, economic and international problems longer than my arm and typed in 5 point font.

It's irritating enough that Michael Jackson's case is filling page after page of copy. When I heard E! was running daily re-enactments, I had planned to follow it here, but 1) it isn't funny, 2) I'm intentionally not following any of the trial.

What's really, really irritating is that today Congress actually spent time bothering to "investigate" the Major League Baseball steroid story. And even more irritating is the fact that it was THE BIG STORY of the week.

This is a problem which affects, what? Maybe a few hundred people? It's not costing anybody money, it's not killing anybody, and from what I can tell, it might actually be making baseball interesting for the first time since Roger Maris hung up his glove.

Are these guys using steroids? Are you KIDDING ME? Fifteen years ago we thought Reggie Jackson was a big guy for baseball. Now guys like Conseco look like they could tip over a Hyundai. You don't get built up like that from popping a few into the outfield during practice. And nobody ever thought Babe Ruth was slugging them over the wall thanks to his fine physique.

American sport is rife with roid freaks, and even if they AREN'T roid freaks, they're athletes who are paid millions of dollars to do nothing all day and pump their bodies until they look like 80's era Schwarzenegger. People watched football back when it was iron-man football and the players had to keep a day job to make ends meet. Roger Maris got where he got with good timing, practice and luck.

My point is this: It's only the athlete's sense of ego that drives them to feel that they shouldn't just get paid a king's wages, but that they should be able to overcome any minor limitations left to them with their tremendous physical acuity. It's not enough to play in MLB. You've got to be the most expensive guy on the field, too.

I guess the problem has been that the MLB basically wasn't going to do anything about steroid abuse among their own players, and the perception is that this is somehow influencing young people into also getting into steroids. Anyway, that's the connection I'm drawing as to why these guys are sitting up there testifying. Other than that, the logic of the whole thing sort of astounds me.

After all, it's never been suggested the MLB is providing the players with steroids. It's never been suggested that MLB did much more than organize the leagues. If, in fact, there is some evidence that MLB is somehow providing people with steroids, does anyone really believe that the commissioners are going to break down just because the government is making thems it down at a table? I'm not really clear about what, exactly, people are trying to accomplish. If Congress is really this interested in the steroid issue in pro sports (which would affect maybe 20, 000 people, I would guess?), then isn't it the job of Congress to pass laws or something? And occasionally be dicks to each other about judicial appointments? I forget.

This has nothing to do with concerns about the public health. After all, most kids aren't going to Saturday night parties and being handed a syringe of steroids. Nothing is going to come out of this other than a lot of ruined ball-players careers. Especially when the public is mostly just shrugging the whole thing off and doesn't really seem to care. But they sure seem to be willing to read about it. This is about famous people being naughty, just like that nutty Paris Hilton. So, sure, it gets loads of coverage.

And why? Because our National Pasttime isn't baseball, it's watching celebrities go down in flames.

We might feel bad that some kids in high school may have been more predisposed to suicide because of the mood swings attributed to steroids, but by the time you've finished saying "mood swings attributed to steroids may have", you've already lost 80% of your audience. We're infinitely more interested to see if Hulk look-alike Mark McGwire is going to flip out under Big Brother's unblinking gaze and start smashing furniture with steroid freak super strength.

It takes baseball all freaking season to rev up this much drama.

I'll go out on a limb and say this: I don't care if baseball players are all out there using steroids. Don't care.

If Congress is really concerned about companies providing their cash cows with performance ehnancing drugs, they might want to check out how the recording industry and film industry work sometime. Not to mention that the only reason I stay in my job is that the university keeps me knee deep in free coffee.

Some bits and pieces:

Superman in Beaumont

Jim D. called me yesterday afternoon to inform me that the screenings of Superman I & II are ON in Beaumont. So, Leaguers, set your calendars for late July 2005. It will be A Very Special League Engagement.

I can't tell you how pumped I am about this. It sincerely feels like the world's greatest Christmas present. It's not enough that I get to spread the good word of Superman out to the masses via this lousy site... now I can spread the word to the greater Beaumont area using two of the greatest flicks ever made.

Anyway, get your flights booked, out of towners, this is going to be one huge Fiesta de Superman.

I think I feel a DITMTLOD coming on in regards to Ursa.


Wha..? I'm not ready..!

Apparently Batman Begins is coming out THIS SUMMER. For some reason I have long thought this was a Christmas movie. Anyway, in honor of the Caped Crusader's impending film appearance, I hope to do a big column on The League's lengthy ties to Batman.


With karate he'll kick your ass from here to right over there...

More Twirling!

According to multiple sources, including good ol' reliable CNN, Joss Whedon of Firefly, Serenity, Buffy and Angel (all of which i've never really seen) is taking on a feature film of Wonder Woman.

Joss is a real geek, and this gives me huge hope for this flick. He's an ace in casting, if the Buffy TV show is any indication. And his take on the X-men in the Astonishing X-Men is as refreshing as Grant Morrison's, so I know he knows hwo to treat this material.

I have high hopes that this is going to be a great flick, and will have girls running about willy-nilly with silver bracelets and red-starred tiaras.


Nathan & Renata

I am losing all sense of time. This weekend Jamie made a comment about Nathan and Renata's upcoming baby being due soon, and I said, "well, they have quite a while. They didn't know anything when they were out here."

To which, Jamie said, "yeah... that was in September."

To which, I replied, "No, it was in January."

It was in September. Apparently Chandler, AZ has made me lose any sense of time or place.

When will the Cone-baby arrive? I have no idea.

***UPDATE***

I have an idea of when the baby is due! It is due today!

Take a look at the comments section.

A BIRTHDAY FOR STEANSO

Today is my brother's 32nd birthday.

Jason Ricardomontalban Steans was born this day in 1973. You can usually check in on his drunken antics over at The Adventures of Steanso. He's sort of got a drinking problem, but I've chosen to find it high-larious, since pointing out he drinks too much just leads to me getting jabbed with a broken bottle and having to visit the ER for stitches.


The Steans Bros. in happier times

He seems to have had a pretty good 31st year, and we're all pulling for him to finally kiss a girl in his 32nd year. Also, this year, we have high hopes that at least one of his clients won't do the maximum stretch in Huntsville.

Keep reaching for the stars, Big Guy!

I couldn't think of anything good to get Jason for his birthday, so I sent him a few small items which I hope he enjoys. Jamie was in on the selection, and I hope one of the items shows up in time for the Mono E recording session which may or may not be scheduled for this upcoming week. Hopefully he'll really explore the studio space with the item Jamie got him.

Anyway, happy birthday to my brother. He's not much, but he's what I've got.

LAST MINUTE REMINDER TO FOLKS IN THE AUSTIN AREA!!!!!

ASLEEP IN THE SEA IS PLAYING TONIGHT AT THE HIDEOUT ON CONGRESS!!!!

Super-Special thanks to Justin Cone for whipping up his own internal website promoting the show.