Tuesday, April 05, 2005

THE LEAGUE PRESENTS:
SUGGESTIONS FOR FURTHER READING
COUNTDOWN TO INFINITE CRISIS


Last week saw the beginning of DC Comics' new big event. Or, should I say, last week saw the first beat of the PRELUDE to DC Comics' new big event.

But even that isn't accurate, because with a change in editorial a while back, DC got a fire under it's butt and dusted off the psychic cobwebs and somehow recalled that folks might like to have a coherent space which the stable of DC Comic characters occupy.

For the past several years, for whatever reason, both of the major comic companies decided that the writer should be king, and part of that should mean that the writers weren't going to be asked to adhere to continuity or pay attention to what was going on in the comics published by the company.

Visualize, if you will, non-comic readers, the havoc this would play in watching, say, X-Files. One week Mulder & Scully might discover that aliens are the sole inhabitants of Boulder, Colorado. The next week, they wouldn't even mention it, and begin speaking about trying to locate aliens all over again. Then, two weeks later, they might discover that Mesa, Arizona is inhabited completely by aliens and be totally shocked and say things like, "We've never seen anything like this before!"

Anyway, annoying.

A while back Dan DiDio took over oversight of DC's main line of comics (known as the DCU) and seems to have dictated that this "writer's can do whatever they want" business had to end. Fortunately, the writers who were working there already more or less nodded in agreement and began figuring out what to do next.

It appears that the writers began plotting all of this sometime ago as evidenced by comments dropped in the Superman/ Batman comics released an entire year ago, Identity Crisis raising the stakes, and events in individual comics leading right up to last week's release: Countdown to Infinite Crisis.


Despite the fact that every other hero pictured can throw a Hyundia across a parking lot, it's poor old Batman who has to carry the dead guy again. But WHO IS THE DEAD GUY? (hint... it's not Batman)

Quite a title they dreamed up for their $1.00 comic. Fortunately, the comic is 80 pages, and if you read the same ridiculous number of DC Comics that The League does, a lot of things begin to click into place.

If you ever followed comics, you might know "Infinite" and "Crisis" are not words which should be placed together and taken lightly. So we got that going for us.

Now, in addition to the $1.00 comic, DC is releasing not one, not two, not three, but FOUR limited series all under the banner of "Countdown to Infinite Crisis".

The OMAC Project

Villains United

Day of Vengeance

Rann/ Thanagar War

I suppose this means that some time near the end of the year the actual event of the "Infinite Crisis" will rear it's head. In the meantime, the various comics are weaving in and out of this overall storyline in an interesting way. For the first time in years, the DCU feels like one place.

Of course the trolls who lurk about the comic internet world are beating their chests and howling about how they feel their comics are being ruined, but I'm enjoying the hell out of it.

Don't even get me started on what a mindwarp Grant Morrison's Seven Soldiers of Victory is turning out to be.

For a SFFR on Sin City, go here.
A Haiku by Mrs. League:

Small Felis Catus
Gracefully leaps on table.
Glass falls. One A.M.
On Friday Jim D e-mailed me before I'd finished my third cup of coffee to tell me he was headed in to see Sin City. Apparently he was stranded in Houston. Long story.

He called me after exiting the theater, gave me a nickel review, we talked a bit about the flick and then it was time to say adios (it being a work day).

Saturday Jamie and I overcame some minor obstacles in order to go and catch the flick. I was a few feet from Jamie in the parking lot when I remembered a plot point from "The Long Goodbye", and suddenly it occured to me, "Hey, you might not like this movie."

"Why's that?"
"It's, uh... It's going to be really violent."
"I know," she nodded. "I picked up some of your comics."
That's the kind of dame I married. The sort of dame who is going to shrug off a bit of squeamishness in order to check out something new and different and that I might have been ranting about for eight months.

Review are in for Sin City, and most of them are only semi-positive. I guess that's to be expected. Opening weekend receipts were good, but are expected to drop-off once the eager fanboys wander off.

I'd suggest reading Peter Sanderson's comments upon the reviews of Sin City. It stirs up a lot of what I was thinking in both reading the reviews and then heading to the cinema.
Thanks to The Beat for posting the link.

In my head, I do keep some boundaries regarding genre, but I have come to recognize many of the rules which dictate genre are more or less useless if you want to ever take a medium seriously. They also rely far too much on specifics of visual detail and too little on story telling.

An easy example: Star Wars is, despite the star ships, etc... not really a sci-fi movie as scientific principles are completely not the focus of the story. Instead, Star Wars is a fantasy movie using trappings of the sci-fi genre such as laser pistols and robots. Just as last year's I, Robot was not as much a sci-fi movie as much as a police procedural/ cop actioner (vs. the Asimov books which are some of the purest sci-fi around).

It had always sort of puzzled me why folks were so quick to hang "film noir" on the Sin City comics. Yes, the images were black and white, and people sort of grumbled about the city being a lousy place to be, but these were tools lifted from noir. However, in watching films like Laura, The Maltese Falcon, The Big Combo, or The Killers, one wasn't going to see a lot of similarities. Sin City is razor sharp, rat-a-tat action with beheadings and cannibals. I think Laura has three gun shots occur during the course of the entire movie, but it's mostly people standing around talking. The lack of color was most assuredly a budgetary concern in most of these films, and one can hardly place the course of events in The Maltese Falcon in the same realm as those in Marv's Story from Sin City (The Hard Goodbye).

The Sin City comics are inked in stark black and white, punctuated occasionally with color (see That Yellow Bastard), a fantastic choice to bring mood to a world of eternal night and a moral spectrum completely comprised of grays. But with Marv punching his way through doorways and Dwight jumping off of window ledges, I wasn't quite finding the glove-perfect fit I was looking for. The original films dubbed as "Film Noir" were usually talky films done on a budget. What they couldn't do in money, they made up for in topsy-turvey plots and a cast of outlandish characters. For whatever reason, I saw Sin City as strictly nitrous fueled pulp tales/ crime stories using elements of noir.

But I've decided I was wrong.

What makes these movies/ comics/ book fall within the same realm is not so much the specific visual cues and elements, because you could, theoretically make a noir take place in broad day light and in color (see 1984's Blood Simple). Sure, Frank added his usual touches that bespeak Frank's fingerprints on a story, but he's kept the essence of the genre (if that's what you want to call it) completely unadulterated and intact.

So I'm still not sure what makes the film noir genre. I guess my criteria is that the story has to be about characters who have more or less given up on their life or are more or less ambivalent getting pulled in to a situation which is a) bigger than them, and b)is going to give them one last chance at redemption. Sometimes that thing is a bag of money (but usually it's what the money can buy them), more often, that thing is a girl.

And if Sin City manages to do one thing, it manages to pull off the two criteria above with aplomb.

But, as I say, I don't care too much for blocking things off into genre.

Monday, April 04, 2005

BTW, I have to endorse Turbo Tax.

I've used it since 1999, and I've filed electronically for the past few years using it, and you know what? It kicks ass.

Sure, sure... I could hire some dude from H&R block to somehow find us another few bucks on our return, but then I'd have to pay the guy, anyway.

In college I took, believe it or not (and many of you will believe), a class in the Home Economics department. It was actually the single most useful course I've ever taken.

In the class I had to learn how to do taxes outside of a 1040EZ, taking into account things like buying and selling property, dividends, etc... We also had to learn about money markets, IRAs and all kinds of good stuff.

Go ahead and make fun of me for taking a Home Ec class, but without that class, I have no idea how I would have gotten by in the first few years out of college when it came to tax season. Sure, turbo Tax takes the work out of my hands, but I also know I can read the fine print without getting all confused.

These are things you just don't get told about a whole lot when you're a kid.

Anyway, taxes are filed. We're getting a refund, which I have been told is going toward savings and not toward a 1:1 scale model of the Hall of Justice.

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Not much to report from League HQ.

Jamie and I had an entirely uneventful weekend. One of the nice features of our neighborhood (and most neighborhoods in Arizona) is that they do not use a sewer system for rain run-off. Instead, most newer neighborhoods designate a green area in the middle of the nieighborhood that serves both as drainage and as a park. Ours happens to be large enough to play host to a sports field, which of course nobody ever uses as all the kids are inside playing their PSPs.

So, having no kids but having two dogs who are infinitely more entertaining than most kids, we went to the park and walked the dogs. It's lovely here these days. 85 degrees and low humidity. Nice day to get Lucy used to the leash. And it was nice day to take Mel off the leash and let him run in circles out in the grass.

In the afternoon we went to see Sin City, which I will not belabor you with a review. It was fun and interesting, and I look forward to seeing it again at some point.

Aside from that, we went to the gym and watched some of the coverage of the goings-on at the Vatican. Having just sat through the audio book of "Angels and Demons" it was interesting to hear the description of the steps to the Pope's funeral carried out.

My memories start to really kick in about age 4 or 5 when we moved from Michigan to Dallas. And I do recall my mother booting me out of the house on the day the Pope was shot. She wanted to watch the footage, but she didn't want me to get scared, so I had to go play out in the back yard.

I should mention that the Steans family is not Catholic, but that evening, when I was told what happened and what was going on, I sort of kind of understood the gravity of the situation.

This memory is tied up with three or four other media events.

1) Reagan being shot. I recall that one as The Admiral explained that GHWB would take over until the President was on his feet again.

2) The wedding of Charles and Di. I recall watching the footage with my mom and being astounded that she could stand up with a train which most surely weighed hundreds of pounds.

3) The freeing of the hostages from Iran. I don't remember too much about it, but I remember the news people being very excited and The Admiral sort of talking in vague terms about what we were seeing on the screen.

All in all, John Paul II is the only Pope to have been around while I've been conscious of such a thing. And not being Catholic, I have no idea what sort of Pope he was in comparison to the Popes before him.

It does seem if anyone would have a golden ticket to get past the pearly gates, it'd be this guy. But we won't know until we're all pushing up daisies, will we?

Next weekend we have tickets to see the mighty Phoenix Suns play the Houston Rockets. If McGrady shows up for the game in spirit as well as body, Phoenix may have a match on their hands. Yao seems to finally understand how to play in the US and is finally becoming the formidable player he was promised to be three years ago.

Anyway, hope everyone else had a good weekend.

I really need to go to bed.

Friday, April 01, 2005

Loyal Leaguer Nathan Cone gets a write up in the Trinity University Alumni Newsletter.

Do you call The League a liar? Read here.

The League does not see such praise for himself coming anytime soon in The Alcalde as The League refuses to benefit mankind in any way shape or form. Truly, The League is a leech on society.

Yes, The League is officially a Texas-Ex. Shut up.
I have Spam in my pocket.

Thursday, March 31, 2005

Shit.

I just spent like half an hour working on another installment of "DITMTLOD". But I clicked the wrong dealy and it disappeared into the ether.

I blame only myself.

I confess if I were more focused and not trying to blog and watch the new program "Kojak" starring Ving Rhames, I might not have lost my posting.

Oh, well. What are you going to do?

On the plus side, I kind of like this Kojak show. I never watch cop shows, but I like Ving Rhames, and I sort of like catching up with this show from the first episode. If I come in even part way through a show's first season, I have trouble doing the work to catch up.

Alas, the DIMTMTLOD will have to wait for another day.

It should be noted that I also couldn't think up anything clever for April Fool's, so... uh... I feel as if I really dropped the ball.

Somehow I suspect you'll all get along fine for a few days until I get my act together.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Grenade Bot
There's no way this can be dangerous.

-M.League

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Happy Birthday, Peabo!

The 26th of March marked the 30th birthday of Jeffrey "Peabo" Peek. Peabo is a great guy with a lot of hare-brained ideas, and a whole lot of moxie.

I met him in 4th Grade after moving to Austin. He told me the entire story of "Red Dawn", scene for scene, the day I met him. He also didn't mind that I ate all the food in his pantry, so I sort of stuck tight for the next several years.

Jeff is a buddy, a pal, and also one of my crack team of legal experts I keep on retainer just in case. A short while ago he married Adrianna, a girl I assure you who is far too good for him. They recently adopted a schnauzer named "Homer," and, I assume are enjoying their new home.

Back in our youth, Peabo had a multitude of wacky ideas which probably should have gotten one or both of us killed, but despite our best efforts, we're still alive today.

I certainly do miss the guy, and I don't get to talk to him nearly often enough.

Happy Birthday, Peabo. I didn't get you anything.


A scene from the childhood of Peabo and The League
The League Presents:
Suggestions for Further Reading
A Sin City Special




Friday will see the release of what is sure to be a divisive movie among fans of pop culture. Frank Miller's Sin City is finally coming to a theater near you.

I am not going to guarantee you will enjoy Sin City. The content of the stories is minimal, hard-boiled stuff. The look and feel are stylized enough to be alienating, and the characters are not going to be immediately sympathetic. Nobody is clean down in Basin City.

By now you've heard all about how Robert Rodriguez was so committed to retaining the integrity of Frank Miller's work that he decided to bring Miller on-board as a co-director, and thusly had to give up his membership in the Director's Guild as it is against Director's Guild rules to allow for two directors on a single movie. Maybe you've heard how Rodriguez financed a short, which ultimately became the movie's opening scene, out of his own pocket.

You've probably also seen publicity stills and whatnot of green screens and artificial backgrounds.

Lots of crazy stuff. And all to make sure that Miller's work didn't just make it to the screen in spirit... Rodriguez wanted to make sure the books made it to the screen word for word, panel for panel.

This sort of thing doesn't happen for anything adapted for the big screen, comic book, novel, play, whatever... No matter what, the folks at the studio who know better always insist upon adding their own spin, changing storylines, adding or subtracting characters... there's always something. Even Spider-Man, a comic adaptation which truly captures the silver-age essence of the Spider-Man comics, brings Mary Jane in dozens of issues before her first appearance. It changes the Goblin's origin and costume. And, heck... they gave Spidey organic web-shooters instead of his wacky little mechanical web-shooters.

Let's not even get into where the Batman films took a detour and became their own unrecognizable entity.

It would have to take a fanboy of uncompromising spirit to do what Rodriguez has done, and it would take somebody like Miller to get him to do it. It's the ultimate gamble, but also the ultimate leap of faith.

Miller gave us some of the best comics of the past twenty-odd years, comics which opened up our young minds to new and better ideas. But to get there, Miller wrote and drew comics which took existing ideas and figured out why the ideas were brilliant, burning off the fat, tearing away the weakness and reigniting the fires of old fantasies, not just into a comforting glow of nostalgia, but into a raging inferno of the possibilities of genre and character. As much as a craftsman as he might be with Batman, he could just as easily turn in something like 300.

It was guys like Miller who put the thoughts into the heads of starry-eyed kids like Rodriguez back when he was a kid. He told us all the stories hadn't been told yet, and that maybe there are new ways to tell the ones which we already know.

We all have heroes growing up, and for better or worse, for a lot of us geeks, Frank Miller was the man. Even if it was just his Batman work, or, for a lot of lucky folks, his Daredevil work, or the classic Wolverine limited series.

And, if I'd been smarter, I'd have picked up Ronin back when I saw it on the shelf at B. Dalton when I was thirteen.

These days it's fascinating to see comics movies shed the stigma of being this medium where the producers seem vaguely embarassed of their own projects. In the hands of the geeks, at least the movies have a shot at reflecting the maturity which has been blossoming in comics since the 70's. Between guys like Raimi, Rodriguez and Goyer, it's the first time the film creators are able to stand up proudly and talk about the guys who had a hand in shaping their world.

You're lucky, you lucky bastards who don't love comics. You haven't spent year after year watching the characters you know and love come to the big screen as pale, diluted versions of the books you loved, each one more apologetic than the one before it as producers chased dollars before even trying to understand why a property had survived for thirty or more years.

Even with all that, misteps will always occur. Two of Miller's triumphs have been turned into films in the past few years, and both failed to capture much more than the wardrobes of the characters Miller breathed life into. 2003's Daredevil was a shadow of Miller's original storyline, and 2004's Elektra seemed to do anything but recognize why anybody had ever loved the character.

But Miller didn't own Daredevil, or Elektra. Marvel Comics owned them, and they could damn well do as they pleased.

His script for Robocop 2 was diluted and diluted until Miller's fingerprints were only there if you knew where to look.

So if he was a bit skeptical of turning Sin City into a movie, a project which has no voice in it but Miller's own? Who can blame him?

Luckily for us, Rodriguez got what it was Miller was doing, and decided if he would adapt it, he was going to do it right. He was going to bring Sin City to the screen, and he was going to do it panel by panel, and he was bringing Frank along to keep him honest.

In addition to the readings I've linked to above, I'm also suggesting the entire Sin City run. In particular, I'd turn you onto the books which you'll see highlighted in the movie.

1) The Hard Goodbye. The first (and some say, best) Sin City story tells the tale of poor old crazy Marv.

2) The Big Fat Kill. "You gotta stand up for your friends. Sometimes that means dying. Sometimes it means killing a whole lotta people."

3) That Yellow Bastard. Hartigan is maybe the last honest cop in Basin City. And in Sin City, that doesn't come without a price.

4) Booze, Broads and Bullets. A collection of short stories.


So when you go to see Sin City, I hope you enjoy. This movie isn't going to be capes and tights. If you're going to need a non-comic inspired reference, it's Raymond Chandler and Dashiell Hammet refracted through a broken whiskey bottle. It's going to be a crazy, hyper-violent thrill ride, and I hope you can sit back, relax, have fun and try not to take it all too seriously. Frank would be disappointed if you did.

It's some ways, this movie is nothing but the biggest thank-you one could ever think of giving Miller. We all just get to be in on it.


For the previous Suggestions, click here.

Monday, March 28, 2005

Hey Uncle Bob!

So. It appears that my uncle, "Pentagon" Bob, has been lurking here at The League for quite some time. And by quite some time, I mean, at least a year.

"Pentagon" Bob earned his name by working for the military for years, and this meant his office was right there in the Pentagon. Which, of course, meant that all of my friends were convinced Bob was some sort of secret agent. I am still not convinced Bob is not a secret agent. He lurked here at The league for over a year, and I had no idea he was here. Pretty sneaky, eh?

Bob is married to Linda, who is one groovy chick all on her own. She may also be a spy, but we'll never know, will we?

Bob once took me on a tour of the Pentagon, and I tell you this: I have never seen so many urinals in one, single men's room. That, and these urinals were spotless. That's a fine example of either military discipline or precision, and I have not yet decided which it truly represents.

The other thing you need to know about the Pentagon is this: It's huge. Any enemy forces planning to infiltrate the Pentagon are completely wasting their time. They're going to get lost and end up having to ask for directions.

Thanks to a wicked combination of a derth of vacation days and conflicting family vacation events, I very rarely get to see Bob and Linda these days. It's tough to get all of us in one place at the same time. That, and Bob's constant spy work keeps him busy.

Anyway, it appears that, thanks to Pentagon Bob, my folks located not just my blog, but they also recently located that of Brother Dearest. I assume Jason will now be far more paranoid about what gets posted over at AoS.

I am curious what illusions Bob might have once had about his two cherubic nephews that we've managed to shatter, tread upon and then toss in the dust-bin. Ah, well. Hopefully they'll keep sending nice Christmas cards.

But you gotta love Bob. I shall never forget that when everyone else failed me one bleak Christmas, it was Bob who provided us with Nerf Boomerangs. Those things rocked.
In case you missed Doug's comment:

Not all of the escaped Gorillas were violent:



Yes, the League enjoys a good photo-op as much as the next guy. Perhaps even more so.

I can't help but look at this photo and think: I'm an idiot.
People always say to me: League, why don't you like going to the beach?

As a child, I loved going to the beach. And then one day when I was about 9, I realized that I no longer liked the beach.

I sunburn. I am one pale, highly flammable bastard, and the slightest bit of sunlight turns me lobster red. Not only do I burn, but I always felt sick from dehydration. Whatever fun I had for a few hours grew to be ruined by a) the constant worry of burning b) getting out of the water every fifteen minutes to apply more suntan lotion c) the horrible, greasy feel of suntan lotion caked on, mixed with salt water and sand d) in 1997 I finally REALLY misjudged, and after an hour and a half in the sun, I was burned so badly that I got the blisters. That SUCKED.

and the real kicker: Everybody has to take a bug-eyed at you and exclaim, "Boy, are you sunburned! Didn't you use sunscreen?"

Yes, yes I did use sunscreen on my trip to San Diego. But I did not use it yesterday as I didn't realize I would be outside for any duration.

I own a mirror. I know I am sunburned. I do not need to be told by each person who walks by my office that I am sunburned. I do, in fact, know that sunscreen exists and I am used to applying it in liberal quantities. Sometimes it is difficult to judge if you need it, and yesterday I misjudged.

I am now going to print a sign and tape it to my monitor to inform my co-workers that I know I am sunburned and that I do not need any help or instructions for future exposure to sunlight.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Stay classy, San Diego!

Well, we're back. Let me say that San Diego is a lovely town with friendly people and a lot to offer. We had ourselves quite a time, and I would very much liek to go back.

We stayed at a loverly hotel just off Balboa Park, The Balboa Park Inn.

It was made up of several former small apartment buildings, and each room was given a unique theme. We stayed in The Orient Express.



Jamie poses in our fabulous suite

The evening we arrived we went on a harbor tour and got a good look at some naval vessels, some cargo vessels, Coronado Island, etc... Very nice. The tour guide was deemed controversial, but all in all, it was an interesting tour.

The next morning we got up early, got breakfast, and headed for the San Diego Zoo (only a few blocks from the hotel).




Gorillas rampaged all about the park. We feared for our very lives.

Joining us on our trip were Jamie's brother, Doug... His lady-friend, Kristen, and Jamie's pal, Heather "H" Wagner.




Doug, Kristen, H, Jamie

The best transit at the San Diego Zoo? Skycar!

Heather spots a loose gorilla in a passing Skycar

San Diego is also home to a few Giant Pandas. These guys are terribly endangered.


This Panda is trying to sleep one off after yet another night out with the hippos.

Jamie was delighted to see the Pandas. It was a highlight of our visit to the San Diego Zoo. Especially with all the loose gorillas causing so much trouble.



Jamie is delighted to have seen a Panda. Up until this point, she's usually only eaten them.

Toward the end of the day, we paused at the Elephant Exhibit.


Nothing finishes off a day like an elephant.

We didn't have a shot at finishing seeing the whole zoo. The place is enormous and very hilly. I could have easily done another whole day at the zoo, and hope to return soon to see the rest of the exhibits.

I didn't take too many pictures after this, but we went for a lovely dinner last night at Prado restaurant. It was a lot of fun, and it was significantly better than the dinner at the tourist trap we'd gone to the night before.

Today we got up and ran over to Coronado Island. Very nice place with a lot of history.

At any rate, hope you all had a good weekend. We sure did.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Sounds like it's time to switch to the caesar salad...
A Birthday for Jamie

Hey, everybuddy! Friday is Jamie's big birthday. In order to celebrate, we're shaking the dirt of this one horse town off our sorry hides and we're heading for sunny San Diego, California.

Jamie turns the big three-oh on this particular birthday, and it's a landmark occasion by anybody's measure. Hopefully she will refrain from making me put away my childish things.

She's a special person, she is. And I am very lucky to have her. She is beautiful and funny and smart, and she's as kind and patient as anyone. She gives without asking, and makes my life better.

She puts up with a lot from me and from the world, and she does it all with infinite grace. I never stop learning from her.

She is the world to me, and I hope that I can make a fraction as happy on her birthday as she makes me each day.

Happy birthday, Jamie. I love you.



Needless to say, you'll note that The League is going on hiatus until our return next week.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

The League Presents: Samantha Maja Cone

Leaguers, last week we brought you the first published account of the shocking new entrant to the human race, Samantha Maja Cone. Just mere hours after her arrival on Planet Earth, Samantha's pa, Nathan, rung me up to tell me all was well with baby and mother.

Now Renata and Samantha are home, and the first pics of Samantha are in.



Samantha contemplates the mysteries of the cosmos. Note, she already has her wrist band for ZZ Top tickets. Rock n' Rollllllllllll!!!!!



Samantha is prepped for travel and/ or sleeping. Jamie wears a similar harness so she doesn't fall out of bed.



Samantha is tuckered out after her big travel day. Ah, to go back to the simple days of her youth, floating suspended in a pod of amniotic fluid...



Nathan and Renata try to guess how much the baby will fetch on the black market.

So congratulations, Cones! You done had a baby! You guys are going to be groovy parents.

Just remember, it's never too late to change her legal name to "Dr. Octopus."

Monday, March 21, 2005

The League presents: Suggestions for Further Reading

For all the comics-related broo-ha-ha which goes on here at The League, all too infrequently do I feel I really point potential readers to comics which they may enjoy.

Now, keep in mind, literally hundreds of comics are published every month, so this is not some exhaustive, definitive list of worthwhile comics. This list is meant to be a sort of suggestion box for folks who might pop their head into the local comic shop and find the sensory overload a bit frightening.

This being the first column on this topic, I want to cover a few things in case you are new to comics and you want to take a look inside your local comic shop. Next time we'll move on to actual comics The League would suggest for further reading.

Tips for the new comics consumer:

1) Tell the guy behind the counter that you don't know anything about comics, but you're curious. Come prepared to tell him what TV shows and movies you like. This is helpful as many, many comics are not about superheroes. Some are funny, some are soap operas. Some are historical fiction.

2) Do not feel obligated to buy a comic just because the counter guy put it in your hand. If it appears to be too violent or too sexy or whatever, it probably is. You CAN try telling them "that's a bit more (violent, sexy, etc...) than what I had in mind."

If the comic shop guy can't adjust his/her mindset to point you toward something you're more comfortable with, s/he's a bum and should go out of business. Go ahead, browse for a minute and then leave.

3) Manga is not a genre. Manga just suggests a comic came from Asia and will have a few cultural shorthand things in common (big eyes on some characters, an alarming number of girls dressed as nurses and school girls). There are all kinds of Manga, so don't go in expecting all ninjas or G-Force or giant robots. There is also something called hentai. Do not touch.

4) If you are a girl, do not make eye-contact with the boys shopping in the store. The comic nerds are already afraid of you and may do something rash if they feel threatened.

If a comic nerd not affiliated with the store attempts to talk to you, answer him politely and avoid eye-contact. Actually addressing him will lead him to believe he has found his soulmate, and you just got yourself a stalker.

5) For the love of Mike, if you find something you decide is so goofy you want to make a scene, don't. Do not make a big show out of making fun of the goofy item. a) you may be completely misunderstanding some insidery comic-book joke, or b) you may have just broken the heart of the comic nerd who was standing behind you waiting for you to move so he could grab his copy of "Underage Radioactive Samurai Salamanders". This guy may have devoted his entire life to collecting "Underage Radioactive Samurai Salamanders", and you've just ruined the one thing which was making this guy's life bearable. He's 55 and lives with his mother. For God's sake, be kind.

6) Yes, they all wear tights and have huge pectoral muscles.

7) Yes, the girls are all drawn in very little clothing. The unrealistic proportions are not meant to make you feel bad about yourself.

If you must, you can feel secure in the knowledge that the artist's closest contact with real women is the checkout girl at Blockbuster.

8) No, you cannot actually do that in real life. We already know that it is unlikely that Batman could actually, physically, ever take that pose or survive jumping off of roofs.

9) Yes, the crappy looking black and white comics are drawn by pale, pimply looking guys who have girlfriends who look just like them. It is exactly as you suspect.

10) Yes, there are really THAT MANY Batman books on the shelf. And, yes, surprisingly, that many Archie comics. I don't know who reads them, either.

11) Prepare yourself for bizarre debates which may sound as if they are taking place in the psycho ward at county hospital. There may be some boring conversation about writers and artists, but be prepared for lengthy discussions on Batman's ears, the identity of the BEST Green Lantern, and who is stronger, Thor or (insert super-strong super hero here). These conversations will go on for far too long. And get really weird. And Superman is stronger than Thor. End of story.

12) The comic shop will also carry lots of extras, such as toys, posters and role-playing game materials. There are also trading card games and a game called "Hero Clix." Do not, under any circumstances, allow anyone to engage you in a discussion on "Hero Clix", "Vs." or "Magic: The Gathering."

If this occurs, feign ignorance of the english language.

13) If you are looking for comics for small kids, make sure you immediately tell the shop keep that you are looking for a children's comics. Tell him/her how old the child is, and await further instructions. Do not assume because something looks cute, it is innocent. Sometime I will have Jamie discuss "Fancy Froglin and the Sexy Forest".

14) It is, in fact, true that Watchmen and Dark Knight Returns are the greatest superhero comics ever written. If anyone disagrees with this statement in the comic shop, you can punch them in the gut, because they're a filthy liar. No, Deadpool is not better than either of them. The guy who just told you that is an idiot.

15) If you're artsy, go in to the store, request Craig Thompson's "Blankets" or something by Daniel Clowes. You'll be happier and feel really arty.

16) If you hate your own life, request the work of Chris Ware. You'll get a really interesting comic and you will have your worst fears confirmed.

17) Comics are not like books. It may take a short while to adapt to the visual language of comics, especially as you jump from artist to artist and genre to genre.

So that's it. That's my tips for going to the comic shop. Next time I'll actually come back and suggest some comics for further reading.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Fake animals on the TV!!!

I'm watching a kick-ass fake documentary on Animal Planet about dragons.

Tolkein aside, I haven't been much of a swords, sorcerers and dragons sort of guy in many years. (What ever happened to you Zack the Elf? You were the best D&D character ever...!) But this show rocks.

Anyway, if this replays, you have to check it out.

It is far superior to the movie I watched last week on cable.

I guess this Dragon program is kicking off a week of specials on mythological and imaginary creatures called "Animal X."

You can see the listings for this week and choose which epsidoes you want to watch. I, myself, will be tuning in for the episode on Thursday night which may or may not feature footage of my brother.

From my program listings:

Bigfoot: Investigator might have discovered evidence that Bigfoot is alive and well in Texas.
Dear Melbotis

Jamie writes:

Dear Melbotis,

It's been a while since we've heard from you. Are you still answering questions? What's your take on new puppy Lucy? How has her presence changed your life? How has it changed Jeff the Cat's?


Dear Jamie,

Melbotis agree that it been long time since Mel say much. Ever since Mel get e-mail, Mel have many, many e-mails. Mel keep getting e-mail from many bank asking for information for verification and Mel keep having to send and send and send. Won't bank keep Mel information written down on sticky paper?

Also, Mel send off for pills to make Mel a "man." Mel looking forward to being man and yelling at other dogs. "Sit down, doggy! Go outside, doggy!" Mel will play trick when Mel is man and Mel will go into garbage can all he want and nobody stop him.

This is what Mel think he look like when he is man.


(Mel not sure if this accurate, but Mel hear this man maybe have no testicles either)

Mel will answer many questions when Mel get them, but sometime Mel get question and he forget despite Mel having best of intentions.

Thank you, Jamie for reminding Mel every ten minutes of e-mail.

You ask about little black dog who show up. Little black dog kind of scare Mel, then Mel remember he is huge and show little black dog who boss is. So Mel pretend to eat little black dog, and when that not work, Mel actually try to eat little black dog. Little black dog is much better now.

In some way, little black dog is happy addition to backyard. Mel spend many, many afternoon in backyard with nothing to do except protect house from stupid neighbor dog. And while laying in sunshine and occasionally barking at other doggies has it plusses, sometimes Mel will get bored and sleep for, oh.... ten hour straight. Mel suppose this not real good for Mel's weight (which Stupid Man always say is, "Just fine, my man. We'll be fat together.")

Anyway, little black dog say to me, "Hey, doggy! Hey, doggy! Hey, doggy!"
And Mel say, "What?"
And she say, "What?"
And Mel say, "You say 'Hey, doggy!'"
And little black doggy say, "What?"
And Mel say, "What?"
And then little black doggy go off and chew on a rock.

Sometime she chew on Mel's ear, and Mel have to pin Lucy, but all in all, Mel like little black doggy and hope he not have to eat her.

Before answering mail, Mel went to cat and said, "hey, Cat! What about little black dog?"
And Jeff say, "-the temperature at 5:00 shall be 72 degrees with winds out of the southwest."
And Mel say, "No, little black doggy."
And Jeff say, "Your classic rock station with all the hits! Rockin' 98.5 FM!!!!"
So Mel not sure. But sometime Jeff throw up now after little black doggy tries to say "Hello."

Mel hope all Leaguers having good day. Mel happy to be back at glowy pizza box thing.

Friday, March 18, 2005

A BABY CONE FOR 2005!!!!

Hey, everybuddy!

Nathan called a while ago, and I am happy to announce the existence of one Samantha Cone.

Samantha was born around 10:00am CST this morning.

She is 7lbs. 4oz.
20 inches long.
Brown Hair.

I am unable to secure a photo of Samantha as of yet, so I am posting this delight ful picture of a very cute kitten.




I asked, and it sounds like Nathan and Renata are both doing well. They had a long night, but all systems appear to be checking out normal.

Oh, boy, are kitties ever cute. Here's another kitten I saw online.




Congratulations to Nathan and Renata! And welcome to the world, Samantha C.! You have some terrific parents, and I am sure you will be the grooviest kid on your block!

Oh, heck... here's another kitten.


Why a cowbell?

because there must always be MORE COWBELL.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Baseball, steroids and congress = a tremendous waste of time

We have at least one war going on, multiple hostile nations on the brink of nuclear armament, and, depending on your political stance, a plethora of other shenanigans going on within our own government. We're running an insanely expensive war on drugs and pretty much losing hands down. Our educational system is in core meltdown, and we've got a laundry list of other massive social, economic and international problems longer than my arm and typed in 5 point font.

It's irritating enough that Michael Jackson's case is filling page after page of copy. When I heard E! was running daily re-enactments, I had planned to follow it here, but 1) it isn't funny, 2) I'm intentionally not following any of the trial.

What's really, really irritating is that today Congress actually spent time bothering to "investigate" the Major League Baseball steroid story. And even more irritating is the fact that it was THE BIG STORY of the week.

This is a problem which affects, what? Maybe a few hundred people? It's not costing anybody money, it's not killing anybody, and from what I can tell, it might actually be making baseball interesting for the first time since Roger Maris hung up his glove.

Are these guys using steroids? Are you KIDDING ME? Fifteen years ago we thought Reggie Jackson was a big guy for baseball. Now guys like Conseco look like they could tip over a Hyundai. You don't get built up like that from popping a few into the outfield during practice. And nobody ever thought Babe Ruth was slugging them over the wall thanks to his fine physique.

American sport is rife with roid freaks, and even if they AREN'T roid freaks, they're athletes who are paid millions of dollars to do nothing all day and pump their bodies until they look like 80's era Schwarzenegger. People watched football back when it was iron-man football and the players had to keep a day job to make ends meet. Roger Maris got where he got with good timing, practice and luck.

My point is this: It's only the athlete's sense of ego that drives them to feel that they shouldn't just get paid a king's wages, but that they should be able to overcome any minor limitations left to them with their tremendous physical acuity. It's not enough to play in MLB. You've got to be the most expensive guy on the field, too.

I guess the problem has been that the MLB basically wasn't going to do anything about steroid abuse among their own players, and the perception is that this is somehow influencing young people into also getting into steroids. Anyway, that's the connection I'm drawing as to why these guys are sitting up there testifying. Other than that, the logic of the whole thing sort of astounds me.

After all, it's never been suggested the MLB is providing the players with steroids. It's never been suggested that MLB did much more than organize the leagues. If, in fact, there is some evidence that MLB is somehow providing people with steroids, does anyone really believe that the commissioners are going to break down just because the government is making thems it down at a table? I'm not really clear about what, exactly, people are trying to accomplish. If Congress is really this interested in the steroid issue in pro sports (which would affect maybe 20, 000 people, I would guess?), then isn't it the job of Congress to pass laws or something? And occasionally be dicks to each other about judicial appointments? I forget.

This has nothing to do with concerns about the public health. After all, most kids aren't going to Saturday night parties and being handed a syringe of steroids. Nothing is going to come out of this other than a lot of ruined ball-players careers. Especially when the public is mostly just shrugging the whole thing off and doesn't really seem to care. But they sure seem to be willing to read about it. This is about famous people being naughty, just like that nutty Paris Hilton. So, sure, it gets loads of coverage.

And why? Because our National Pasttime isn't baseball, it's watching celebrities go down in flames.

We might feel bad that some kids in high school may have been more predisposed to suicide because of the mood swings attributed to steroids, but by the time you've finished saying "mood swings attributed to steroids may have", you've already lost 80% of your audience. We're infinitely more interested to see if Hulk look-alike Mark McGwire is going to flip out under Big Brother's unblinking gaze and start smashing furniture with steroid freak super strength.

It takes baseball all freaking season to rev up this much drama.

I'll go out on a limb and say this: I don't care if baseball players are all out there using steroids. Don't care.

If Congress is really concerned about companies providing their cash cows with performance ehnancing drugs, they might want to check out how the recording industry and film industry work sometime. Not to mention that the only reason I stay in my job is that the university keeps me knee deep in free coffee.
Some bits and pieces:

Superman in Beaumont

Jim D. called me yesterday afternoon to inform me that the screenings of Superman I & II are ON in Beaumont. So, Leaguers, set your calendars for late July 2005. It will be A Very Special League Engagement.

I can't tell you how pumped I am about this. It sincerely feels like the world's greatest Christmas present. It's not enough that I get to spread the good word of Superman out to the masses via this lousy site... now I can spread the word to the greater Beaumont area using two of the greatest flicks ever made.

Anyway, get your flights booked, out of towners, this is going to be one huge Fiesta de Superman.

I think I feel a DITMTLOD coming on in regards to Ursa.


Wha..? I'm not ready..!

Apparently Batman Begins is coming out THIS SUMMER. For some reason I have long thought this was a Christmas movie. Anyway, in honor of the Caped Crusader's impending film appearance, I hope to do a big column on The League's lengthy ties to Batman.


With karate he'll kick your ass from here to right over there...

More Twirling!

According to multiple sources, including good ol' reliable CNN, Joss Whedon of Firefly, Serenity, Buffy and Angel (all of which i've never really seen) is taking on a feature film of Wonder Woman.

Joss is a real geek, and this gives me huge hope for this flick. He's an ace in casting, if the Buffy TV show is any indication. And his take on the X-men in the Astonishing X-Men is as refreshing as Grant Morrison's, so I know he knows hwo to treat this material.

I have high hopes that this is going to be a great flick, and will have girls running about willy-nilly with silver bracelets and red-starred tiaras.


Nathan & Renata

I am losing all sense of time. This weekend Jamie made a comment about Nathan and Renata's upcoming baby being due soon, and I said, "well, they have quite a while. They didn't know anything when they were out here."

To which, Jamie said, "yeah... that was in September."

To which, I replied, "No, it was in January."

It was in September. Apparently Chandler, AZ has made me lose any sense of time or place.

When will the Cone-baby arrive? I have no idea.

***UPDATE***

I have an idea of when the baby is due! It is due today!

Take a look at the comments section.
A BIRTHDAY FOR STEANSO

Today is my brother's 32nd birthday.

Jason Ricardomontalban Steans was born this day in 1973. You can usually check in on his drunken antics over at The Adventures of Steanso. He's sort of got a drinking problem, but I've chosen to find it high-larious, since pointing out he drinks too much just leads to me getting jabbed with a broken bottle and having to visit the ER for stitches.


The Steans Bros. in happier times

He seems to have had a pretty good 31st year, and we're all pulling for him to finally kiss a girl in his 32nd year. Also, this year, we have high hopes that at least one of his clients won't do the maximum stretch in Huntsville.

Keep reaching for the stars, Big Guy!

I couldn't think of anything good to get Jason for his birthday, so I sent him a few small items which I hope he enjoys. Jamie was in on the selection, and I hope one of the items shows up in time for the Mono E recording session which may or may not be scheduled for this upcoming week. Hopefully he'll really explore the studio space with the item Jamie got him.

Anyway, happy birthday to my brother. He's not much, but he's what I've got.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

LAST MINUTE REMINDER TO FOLKS IN THE AUSTIN AREA!!!!!

ASLEEP IN THE SEA IS PLAYING TONIGHT AT THE HIDEOUT ON CONGRESS!!!!

Super-Special thanks to Justin Cone for whipping up his own internal website promoting the show.
You have to read Jim D's totally bizarre-o Orwellian tale of pizza delivery.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Pics from the the new Superman Movie

In case you aren't keeping tabs on production of the new Superman film (tentatively titled "Superman Returns"), Australia based Superman Homepage is doing it's darndest. Especially as shooting is taking place IN Australia (I suspect Steve, the owner of the Superman Homepage, will be invited out at some point). It looks like shooting has begun or will begin at any moment. Check out these rad pictures of the Kent farm and even little Kal-El's ship!

Click here to go to The Superman Homepage.
The ever funktified Maxwell has posted her link to her Breast Cancer Awareness walk. Now, you too, can donate to the cause.

To read more about Maxwell's plans and why she's walking, you can read here.

We have also linked to her donation page over in the menu bar on the left.
<------------------------- So go donate, you cheap bastards. She's walking to promote breast Cancer research while you eat another ho-ho.

Also, Maxwell has asked that I participate in her meme.

My natural inclination is to, of course, pour over my CD collection and try to determine a list of five eclectic tunes not a damn one of you has ever heard. This will, of course, give me street cred as an indie rock enthusiast, and make it appear that I try really, really hard to keep up with what's good, what's new, what's in. By some extension, this should lend some suggestion to my superior intellectual capacity as some obscure, cool sounding bands and songs that only The League has the ability to enjoy will someohow suggest my street cred is bigger than yours.

Ain't going to happen.

1) part of this is asking what songs I listen to over and over. Well, if I no longer listen to an album, it's disqualified. If I can't remember the name of a song, I don't think it shoudl count. Also, I think i should only be counting songs and albums I've had in my possession for longer than most of my socks.

2) I don't get much opportunity to seek out lots of new stuff. I don't read music publications and reviews, and most of my money is spent elsewhere. I don't own an iPod or MP3 player. I don't listen to music on my computer at work (I am wayyyy too ADD for that).

3) This list is inherently flawed as, on any other day, you might get completely different answers. I might one day decide I'm loving Show Tunes, and you'd see nothing but "Cats" songs listed below.

4) Putting your own tastes out there is a dicey thing. People tend to make assumptions about all sorts of things based upon things like musical choices. If I listed nothing but Garth Brooks or George Strait songs below, I am sure it would melt many a Leaguer's fragile mind.

But this is pretty much how I'm playing it.

5) I'm going to participate anyway as this is sort of fun. I just feel the need for a huge, flashing disclaimer.

MUSICAL STATISTICS AT THE LEAGUE

What is the total amount of music files on your computer?

I have no idea. On this PC, virtually nothing. On my work laptop, I have quite a bit more, but as I don't use it to listen to music anymore, I don't think it counts. I'm old school and still stick with CD's and stereos. No convergence for this cat.

What is the last CD you bought?

I think it was Yo-Yo Ma Plays Ennio Morricone.

Yo-Yo Ma is obviously the foremost classical-style musician of our generation, and when I saw he was covering the tunes of the greatest filmic composer of all time... It was an easy decision. His cover of Cockeye's Theme from Once Upon a Time in America is better than the original, even without that nutty Zamfir.


What was the last song you listened to before reading this message?

What a Day That Was by The Talking Heads, from Stop Making Sense.


Write down five songs you often listen to, or that mean a lot to you.

Oy. This would have been easier ten years ago.

1. Since we're on Talking Heads, the obvious answer is "Burning Down the House". And while I am tempted to say "Once in a Lifetime", "Burning Down the House" never, ever, ever gets old. Oh, hell, go get the whole album and DVD.

2. When I die, and I'm finally transversing this mortal plain and I am finally able to grasp the cosmic oneness connecting all matter, energy and forces in order to overcome the boundaries of self and substance, and I am willingly scrambling my electrons into a dispersed nothingness in exchange for a chance to merge with the infinite, I will hear a single song, and it will be My Bloody Valentine's "To Here Knows When" from Loveless.

Go buy the album.

3. I will probably get in trouble if I do not mention my wedding song. Lou Reed's "Satellite of Love." We chose it as a sort of joke, but now it's "our song", God help us. Kids, once it's your wedding song, you really, really do lose any and all previous attachment you ever had to the song, because this one is it, forever and ever, amen.

Here is a pretty good Lou Reed collection.

4. Maybe "Ladytron" from Roxy Music's self-titled debut album.

5. God help me, I love "Hey Nonny, Nonny" from Why Do Birds Sing? by The Violent Femmes.

Maybe I spend too much time on teh road with too much car noise for songs by more subtle musicians, or maybe I never got over being 16 and loving this album, or something... But if you can't find something to love in this song, I feel sorry for you.

I get one pick for a stupid, great song, and man, this one is it for me.

related note: Two weeks ago I made a belated attempt to change Lucy's name to "Nonny" in the spirit of this song, but I was denied.

alternate. And to prove I have bought one new record in the past five years, I'm finding I really dig the Walkmen, and if I had to pick a tune, it's be "My Old Man" from Bows + Arrows.

I think if you'd asked me on a lazier day, I would do a bit more and go into my love of Willie Nelson, or Robert Earl, or Lyle or Patsy or Johnny Cash. Or Maybe my former Billie Holiday fixation, or David Bowie, or Stevie Wonder, Pink Floyd, or Brian Eno or Elvis or whatever... And I really wish I had time for all of them, but today this is what is coming to mind. Today this is about songs you never get tired of hearing.


Who are you going to pass this stick to (three persons) and why?

I will stick the obvious three with this.

1) Jason, because he actually really loves music, and I await his comments and criticism. And even more, I await Reed chiming in.

2) Jim, because I'd like to see him post something on his website at least once a month. And Jim has wicked good taste in music.

3) RHPT, because who knows what musical evilness lurks in the heart of Randy?

alternate) in case Jim can't come out and play, the alternate is, of course, Mrs. League, who shares my record collection, but who has very much her own mind on what is and should be The Rock 'n Roll.
Mrs. League again.

"FRODO...of the NINE fingers!"

(Shiny gold star if you get this reference)

Monday, March 14, 2005

Mrs. League here.

This will make the League very happy. After two years of annoyed avoidance of my unhealthy addiction to 'American Idol', the League has taken to actually following this season's offering of young hopefuls. In fact, last week after the men performed in the semi-finals, he picked up the phone and dialed with the explanation, "I gotta vote for my dudes."

The League's 'dudes' include Anwar Robinson and Nikko Smith.

In a sad turn of events, dude Nikko was voted off last week and did not make the final 12 (Incidentally, for you baseball fans, Nikko is the son of MLB player Ozzie Smith). However, in true American Idol style, one of the final 12 contestants (Mario) decided to leave the competition due to personal reasons. To fill Mario's place, the powers that be have invited Nikko BACK to be part of the final 12.

YAY NIKKO!

In other news, savetoby.com is both brilliant and disturbing.
TOYS THAT SHOULD NOT BE
or
An Action Figure for Jim


It's hard to imagine film enthusiast/ lawyer Jim D. getting super excited about a toy. But I think I finally found one suitable for the sort of miniature-scale role-playing Jim could really enjoy.

From Sideshow Collectibles' Fife and Drum line of toys comes General George Washington.


Unable to tell a lie, George admits to 30 points of articulation.

Yes, it warms the cockles of my withered heart to imagine Jim splashing in the tub, re-enacting the crossing of the Delaware with a bottle of shampoo and his General Washington doll.

For full details, more photos and some ordering information, you can go here.

Sunday, March 13, 2005

VOTE FOR PEDRO

Not much to report other than my total resentment of Jim's mischaracterization of me as one who would "vote for Summer." If anyone would ever vote for Pedro, surely, it was The League. Alas, KOHS didn't offer much in the way of Pedro's to vote for. But, as I noted to Jim, in high school I mostly voted for Laura Palmer.

I moved high schools and cities between 9th and 10th grade and fell into a position in high school in which I knew absolutely nobody for about a year. In fact, it seems that the only people I knew were in my biology class, of which contained one Madi Q. Hinojosa.

Nonetheless, mere weeks after school began, we were asked to vote on our homecoming court and numerous other items I had neither the knowledge nor the wherewithal to answer. And unlike the school I'd come from, people at this new school seemed to be taking all of this deadly seriously. The election was pretty traditional, and was NOT for President (as that took place in the Spring). But it all seemed to serious. They actually took us out of class for the election. I won't even get into the attempt at a "recall vote" for our Homecoming Court my senior year.

So I voted for Laura Palmer.

I voted for Laura Palmer as often as I could for the next few years, any time there was a fill-in the blank, or nominate your choice of candidates. Sure, Laura was dead. Sure, she was wrapped in plastic. But at least I knew who she was, and I had an inkling of what I could expect from her.


It's always important to vote for the candidate who has the most to offer...

I don't really remember much about elections except that a fellow drama-kid, Abby, ran. And she was more or less a Summer. Abby asked me to help out with her campaign in exchnage for her dad's roller-skates. As I couldn't apparently avoid being part of the process, I was very excited to be part of the problem.

I agreed to run about during her speech and hand-out "Abby Dollars". This was our high concept. False bribery. So, during the speech I attempted a back flip, which turns out to be a lot more difficult than you'd think, even if you really, really believe in yourself.

Abby won, but I couldn't tell you why. She gave exactly the same speech as the girl who came after her. She made the same irresponsible pledges and the same asinine observations as Candidate B. Maybe Abby was taller. I don't know. I don't think the Abby Dollars did it, and The League's failed acrobatics mostly just illicted a collective empathetic inhalation as The League struck the gym floor.

I didn't vote for Abby, but I didn't vote for Laura Palmer, either. The election was performed on scantron sheets. I don't recall voting at all.

I never did get those roller-skates.

Here is the official KOHS web-page for my class. It is a list of people who got elected for things. I think, you know, in another twenty years, we're all going to be so proud we took time to think, I mean... really, really think about who had the best hair.

Enough.

Anyway, we didn't do much this weekend as we needed to clean the house, get oil changes, take Jamie to the eye doctor, blah, blah, blah. Ryan and Trisha came over and brought young Isaac, who is mostly a set of eyes and 19 pounds of rock and roll. That kid is going places. I can already tell.

Meanwhile, Lucy continues to grow at an alarming rate. She's getting bigger, and she's getting used to our routine, to some extent. I am trying to teach her to "sit." It started today. I press down on her butt until she sits, then I say "Sit!", I give her a treat, and then I give her a tiny hug. Then we do it all over again. I strongly suspect she has no idea what is happening.

Mel and Lucy's relationship continues to evolve. Today I watched her run up to him while he was lying in the grass. About two feet before she reached him, she went airborne and planted herself flatly in his face. Shortly afterward, Mel rolled on his side, picked her up in his paws, flipped her all the way over and body slammed her. I need a chart to demonstrate how this happened, but I assure you, it did happen.

Our place here at the end of civilization is now becoming suburbia.

The cows moved sometime in the last week. Our cows are gone, vanished without so much as an adios. While I will miss being able to see a herd of dairy cows at any time, I will not miss the stench of cows becoming so powerful that I think I am going to throw up if I want to walk the dog in the morning. I do not know what became of our cows. They have moved on to greener pastures.

This, and in what was a sprawl of desert between us and Tucson now has a Target, a Subway and a Dress Barn. While all of these things are assuredly depressing to be surrounded by and to get excited by, it's no longer bleak nothingness as far as the eye can see. And that's got to count for something.

Friday, March 11, 2005

So, quick informal discussion question.

Magneto: Republican, Democrat, Green Party, LaRouche Democrat, Bull Moose or Libertarian?


So Ally McBeal WAS underrated...!
FRIENDS OF THE LEAGUE AT SXSW

The League isn't going to be in Austin next week, but some of his chums are.

Here's a League checklist of events:

1) Phoenix based "Asleep in the Sea"

This is the band of my employee, Tom. Tom will be rocking the house.

Wednesday, March 16th at 10:00pm at THE HIDEOUT


2) Austin based "Milton Mapes".

One of the guys in Milton mapes married Mel's mother, Jenny. Anyways, it's a chance to see Jenny Perkins, right? Milton Mapes is actually very good. Go see them.

BIGSBY'S, Thursday March 17th.

3) on Sunday March 13th (4:00) and Tuesday March 15th (9:00) at The Hideout, some films Juan Diaz worked on will be shown.

"Playdate" and "Engineering Diversity". Go support Juan, you bastards.


Arden is already on his way to rock star status.
Awesome new career opportunity for The League:

I can't stress enough the importance of spell-check when you're setting up your fake company to try to bilk people out of their money.

Dear Sir / Madam ,

We would like to offer you a colaborator job at our company.

If you can take the time and read this offer please do so. We are a almost recent company based on E-commerce , mostly E-trade services , due to recent E-trade development all over the globe , companies like ours have become necesary for a safe and stress free trade over the WWW ( World Wide Web ). Our mission is to make sure that different transactions , between U.S. and European E-buyers and/or E-sellers , are on a safe spot. We propose to do this thru our "net" of colaborators that each have there own role in our clients transactions.

You are receiving this email from the Development Team of Colaborators Incorporated , this teams role is to hire new colaborators , expanding our colaborator network and taking care of their training.Another important job of the Development Team is to check our future colaborators and to constantly improve our means of hiring and verifying any appliers for the post of colaborator. For the moment our Development Team has created a expanding plan that includes 150 more work places as a colaborator in the U.S. and a 200 more work places as a colaborator in Europe. We will seriously consider any applier for this job due to the high amount of persons needed to fill the 150 places.

So , as a bottom line , if you are interested in making a pretty good profit per month , check our website at www.colabaratorsincorporated.com and see if you find yourself apropriate for this job.

Job Description :You will receive a job larger description if you choose to contact us. As a small description , the job requierements are too have or create a PayPal account, be at least 21 years old, and have the ability to connect to the internet at least 1 hour per day.

The colaborator team that founded this company back in 2003 had 10 people on board, since then the company grew 20 times larger and has successfully closed more than 100.000 transactions world wide.So , if you wish to join this great team please do not esithate.The salary is not fixed , you will receive a percent of each transaction that will be made through you.Job Requirements:Of course , as any job , this job has some requirements , not as many as other job , but still necesary in order to be hired by our company.

Here is the list of requirements:
1. Have a PayPal account and/or be able to create one.
2. To be at least 21 years old.
3. No criminal record.
4. To be able to connect to the internet at least 1 hour per day.

So , if you consider you fulfil the above requierements ,visit our website : www.colabaratorsincorporated.com and apply for this job today.

Thank you for your patience and God bless you.

Colaborators Incorporated ,Development Team Manager ,Karen F Campbell .
Colaborators Incorporated © March 2005

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Getting motivated with Spidey!

Marvel is no slouch of a company, and just like DC, they are not shy about plastering the face of Wolverine, the Hulk and Daredevil on just about any item you can imagine.

One sort of good idea is the new line of Marvel motivational posters (for kids, I assume).

These are real. You can check them out here.

Apparently someone in the licensing department flat out either never read a Punisher comic or has a somewhat skewed concept of motivation. Marvel has cancelled orders for the Punisher motivational poster. I am not making this up.

While we're on the subject, it might be pointed out to the higher-ups at Marvel that Wolverine, while universally popular, is pretty much a dude with a few knives who stabs people a lot. I mean, A LOT. More than occasionally, he kills whole castles full of ninjas. I'm just saying, is all...

And isn't Magneto a ruthless villain who kills lots of people...? Marvel's motivational posters are rife with moral ambiguity.

And, hey... isn't that Elektra: Assassin here to spread some motivational sunshine? What? What's that you have to say on "Excellence"?

"Excellence is reserved for those who, even when they fail, do so by doing greatly, so that their place shall never be among those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat."


If you are considering raising your child in some sort of Ubermensch fantasy environment, Marvel has your tool kit.

Elektra's message is sort of like, "Try your best", with a twist of "Or your soul shall be condemned to the land of wind and ghosts..."

I tell you what. If I'd had this poster in elementary school, I certainly would have tried harder in the Spelling-Bee.

In the handy world of Photoshop, these are completely made-up. Unfortunately, these posters are probably only funny to geeks.
This is funny, but if you read it, you will go to hell. I am sorry. It's true.

So if you're looking for everlasting peace, do not click on this link.

Thanks to Doug, who is pretty much in trouble, for the link.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

For some reason, this made me think of Nathan Cone.

Thanks to Jamie for the link.

BTW, even after 5 years of marriage, you can still learn new things about your spouse.

Jamie is a huge fan of The Karate Kid.

Prior to Friday night, we had never sat down and watched the movie together, but Friday it was on when I was flipping channels before eating dinner, and Jamie began talking about upcoming scenes, began spitting out lines before they were delivered... in general, she did all the things you do only when you've seen a movie 2 dozen times.

I had not seen The Karate Kid from beginning to end in probably 19 years, but at some dark point in her life, Jamie was apparently watching this movie over and over and over.

Who knows what other secrets lurk in Jamie's shrouded past?

Monday, March 07, 2005

The League has... THE ACTOR'S NIGHTMARE

Back in the halcyon days of High School, I was a drama kid. And during that time, I frequently had Actor's Nightmare. Actor's Nightmare is an anxiety dream that manifests itself in the form of a play that you suddenly must perform in, but you don't know the script, you don't know the blocking, you don't know your lines, but, by gum, you've got to go onstage or the whole show falls apart... and, invariably in my place, it's a musical and I don't know the lyrics or choreography.

For some reason my Actor's Nightmare is ALWAYS a musical. I am sure this has some meaning.

Last night I dreamt Rob Eigenbrod (a name which will mean something only to Maxwell) coerced me into playing a Director in some dinner-theater performance of a modern-dress Phantom of the Opera, a musical which I have not seen. Previous musical outings I have not seen but had to perform in during my Actor's Nightmare include South Pacific.

I don't usually fall in for much in the way of dream symbology, but why Phatom of the Opera? Why a director? Why Rob Eigenbrod? Why WHY WHYWHYWHY???!!!!!!

Sunday, March 06, 2005

You probably haven't looked to notice, but you can't buy a comic book at the 7-11 anymore. Or at the Walgreens, or at grocery store.

I didn't START buying comics at comic shops, and I am sure that if you ask any comic fan cooling their heals in their late twenties or older, you'll find the same is true. We all started buying comics off newsracks in locations to which we had access.

I distinctly recall buying Uncanny X-Men #210 at the Chicago airport. I picked up #212 at Piggly Wiggly within biking distance of the old homestead. Each store and shop you went in to had a news stand of some sort, and I scoured the covers of the bent comics to see if anything struck my fancy.

I picked up Teen Titans this way, Transformers, Batman (I confess to not getting turned on to Superman until very late high school and early college, and then it was the movies, cartoons and Justice League comics). I recall a family road trip which took over a month during which the Death of Kraven storyline was criss-crossing over multiple Spider-Man titles. Each gas station, bookstore, etc... I was busily seeking out each issue, trying to keep up with a haunting, creepy story.

Every single trip to Skaggs Alpha-Beta was punctuated with my quick dash to check out the comics while my mom was in the check out line. The goal was to grab a new one, quick, before they finished tallying the groceries.

And we knew about Austin Books, down on North Lamar. It's still there, cleaned up, now a massive example of what a comic shop SHOULD be. But then it was a dingy hole of a shop, a place the mothers would drop us off and let us go root through long boxes in our endless search for back of X-Men and Batman.

But you had to ask for a ride to the shop, you know? It was way down on Lamar, and my mother (ever willing to humor her two geeky kids) was still only willing to go down there once every few months.

In the mid-90's, the business model changed. 1) Diamond Comic Distributors became a monopolistic titan, the only way comic companies (large and small) could get their comics out to market. 2) Someone on the magazine racks figured out that they could make more money selling a $7.00 copy of Maxim than a $2.00 copy of X-Men.

Comics also decided that, if they were to be taken seriously, they must abandon the news stands and be available only in bookstores, like respectable books, or in comic shops, like, uhmmm... Well, it was a place to go buy comics where the clerk wouldn't raise her eyebrows as your comic passed over the electric eye. "Aren't you a little old for the funny books, sweetie?"

The chilling effect on the comic book industry has been staggering.

Essentially, a generation of kids was told they were not welcome to get involved. Comics were a commodity available only in specialized shops, usually off the beaten path, and certainly not a place your average mom or dad was already travelling to pick up a newspaper and a Slurpee. And believe me, I've seen the horrified looks of the mothers when they walk into the shops... they eye the pictures of the mostly naked warrior girls, with ridiculous proportions, and why, exactly, would a mother think leaving her kid alone with cartoon porn seem like a good idea..?

Simply put, readers are drifting, and no new readers are replacing them. At one point, Action Comics sold around a million copies each time it published. The numbers today are around 36,000 each issue. That's horrible. That isn't the sign of a healthy industry which can sustain itself. Make fun of the Silver-Age all you want, but back then they were selling the heck out of comics at drug stores and news stands.

With movies like Spider-Man out there, and Spider-Man selling t-shirts, underwear, costumes, video games and every conceivable outlet for the Spider-Man logo... why weren't the publishers making sure the original product was at eye level for 8 year olds to pick up? Flooding the comic shops is selling to the choir. Hoping people who already love Spider-man will pick up Spider-Man is redundant.

But Marvel is learning. Marvel, who had led the charge at the turn of the millenium to ensure comics were an ADULT medium and drove teh market mostly into direct market resale, is now taking a step back in the face of ever dwindling sales. Marvel is going into Barnes and Noble, and Marvel is going into 7-11's all over again.

And while even your standard faire of Batman and the X-Men might need to drop a few profanities to make the world safe from over-anxious mothers again, it's fantastic for the industry as a whole.

Regarding the usual screams of disapproval from loser fanboys trying to ensure comics are only for them and not for kids... As always, Heidi says it all better than me...

According to Newsarama, the Marvel Adventures line will spearhead the move into the 7-11s. The line, aimed at younger readers, is not popular with comic book fans. Nor should it be -- it isn't aimed at them. The Millarworld thread I alluded to in a previous entry was largely given over to the usual argument over whether kids will read these books, whether kids read comics, etc etc etc. To which I can only say...

FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, WILL YOU PEOPLE GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS?


So, start looking for comics as they pop up in magazine racks once again. Look for them at the grocery and at the airport. Hopefully DC and other companies will follow suit and the fate of comics will be taken out of the hands of fate as created by us geeks and put back into the world of kids discovering them for the first time.

Friday, March 04, 2005

because when it comes to being low of brow, the League is not shy about going Caveman.



Where is the Comics Code Authority when you need them?
Happy B-Day, Mum

By the way, today is my mother's birthday. My mother never visits this website, so I probably shouldn't bother even putting any post up, but she's my mum, and it's worth mentioning her b-day.

Happy B-Day, Mum.


Although he believes in truth and justice, Superman is not above getting a little petty about getting kick-ass presents on birthdays. Perhaps this is the "American Way" bit.
A Mrs. League Ocean Friends Update

(Last one, I PROMISE)

Bubba lives on!

Thursday, March 03, 2005

A Sad Mrs. League Ocean Friends Update

Leaguers, I'm not afraid to admit when I'm wrong.

Poor Bubba

Farewell Mr. Pinchy...
A Birthday for Jason.

So, Leaguers, my brother turns 32 years young on March 17th.

As a child it drove me nuts that not only was he two years older, he was two years and one month older than me. I had a whole MONTH to sit around and be grouchy as he had already had a birthday party and I had not yet had a party of my own.

These days, the month gives me a good amount of time to point and laugh at Steanso for being so much older than me. Why, when he's 32, I'll still be in my twenties for just under a month.

(Shit. I'm turning 30...)

I need to get him something for his birthday, and for most of my life, this has been fairly easy. I walk into his room/ apartment/ house and see what he is lacking, and then make a best guess from there. Now, however, he's got an income and I can no longer easily pick out that which he is missing as I live 1000 miles away.

So what do I get him? Leaguers, it's up to you to make suggestions because I simply do not know.


I have it on good authority that Jason would love this model of the Key to the Fortress of Solitude...

Sadly, after going to the dentist yesterday, what I will need for my birthday is cash to cover the deductible for the work they're going to do. Stupid dentist.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Super Friends meets Office Space.

Not office friendly.

Thanks to Justin Cone for the link.

Oh, and, Jason.... the link works, you might have to actually download Quicktime.

And, as long as I have your attention, what do you want for your birthday? Your Amazon Wish List is like 5 years old.
A Mrs. League Ocean Friends Update

BUBBA!

Bubba is a 22 lb lobster who was saved from boiling water by the owner of a fish market. They estimate that since it takes 5-7 years for a lobster to grow a pound, Bubba might be 100 years old!

The real reason I posted this article comes about halfway down the page. Now, I love animals and all and consider myself to be pretty left leaning but one group I find to sometimes go above and beyond good intentions is PETA. Of course PETA wanted Bubba to be released into the oceans instead of headed to the Ripley's believe it or not museum (where he is indeed headed). Now, to me, if "Mr. Pinchy" is 100 years old, this crusty crustacean has probably had his fill of frolicking under the sea. Why not let him get out and see the world?

At least he should be safe from People for Eating Tasty Animals, who apparently have offered up $350 for him.
Couple of bits and pieces

1) We had to move the laptop off of the couch and out of the living room where it usually sits. The laptop usually sits there as the oracle for League HQ. Jamie and I frequently get into disputes over minor things, such as: Was Ladder 49 a financially successful movie at the box office? I say: No. Jamie says: Yes. She then can get online and pull up the actual box office receipts and mock me for my lack of Hollywood insider-ship.

Unfortunately in our house, the Oracle is necessary to keep disputes from running on for hours. However, Lucy took an interest in the power cord to the computer, and so we quickly moved it to a minimum safe distance and into the bedroom. And as I usually write at night after Jamie goes to sleep, I keep forgetting to grab the laptop before she dozes off. So, I've been neglectful in my posting duties.

2) Lucy is already sleeping soundly in her cage at night. Last night she managed to put up a minimum of fuss when it was bedtime. I sort of plopped her in the kennel, and she just watched me shut down the house. It was very sweet.

So, bottom line, no more howling puppies at 3:30am. The trick now is to make sure Lucy uses the dry pads I put in her kennel during the night. They're sort of like flat diapers and soak up quite a big of puppy pee.

I am unsure of how people with actual children cope. Perhaps, should a child ever enter into the League's picture, we will still have the kennel on hand and can train the baby that way. I aint' gettin' up at 3:00am for no cryin' baby.

3) We did not get Lucy specifically for Mel. I am unsure of how this rumor began. That said, Leaguers, dogs are pack animals, and I've always felt guilty that Mel was alone so much of the day. This meant all he did during most days was lay in the sun and sleep, which is not great for him either mentally or physically. That, and Jamie and I were more or less his only form of entertainment, which isn't always a good match when you're at work most of the day. So, yes, now he has a buddy.

Mel and Lucy are already an interesting pairing. She's taken to chewing on his head, and he's taken to enjoying it. Actually, I'm not sure that allowing her to chew on his head is always his repsonse. This morning I watched Mel wrestling with Lucy in the yard before I left. He is reminding her he outweighs her at least 6-to-1. But they both seem pretty happy with one another.

4) All-in-all, everything else is quiet on the home front. I have to mail my Mom's birthday present this morning as her birthday is on Friday. I am sure Jason remembered to buy her a present or at least sent a card.

Monday, February 28, 2005

heh heh heh heh heh heh heh

just keep in mind... this show is intended for small children. But that doesn't mean The LEague won't tune in.

Preview for Krypto... THE SUPERDOG!!!!
Hi all.

People seem more interested in the lighting conditions of my backyard and the fact that I am wearing a hat than they seem interested in the actual puppy. But, it is, after all, a puppy, and what are you going to say about that?



Mel looks on as Lucy tries to escape

Note, the lighting conditions are better. Taking photos in Arizona is tough as light is always white and harsh, and our backyard has two large trees which cut the light and drastically change where your f-stop should be.

Also in the photo is my magical weekend hat which caused such a ruckus. It is a Chicago Cubs hat. I am not a baseball fan, but I do like watching The Cubbies. The hat grants me the magical ability of not being able to grab the pennant.

Last night and the nigth before Jamie and I went to bed super early in an attempt to get the pets to go to bed early. I think last night went better regarding Lucy's yipping in her kennel. Jamie did not agree. But it is safe to say that The League slept like a log between yipping sessions.

To answer Randy's questions: No, The League is still The League of Melbotis. Lucy will not be asked to lend her name to the blog's title. At the end of the day, it's all about Mel.

Mel is getting along swimmingly with the puppy. He seems fine when the two of them have been left alone, and already i've caught them lying about together in the sunlight. Once Lucy calms down a bit and adjusts to her new home, I think Mel will like her a bit better.

For the time being, he is being very needy and pushing Lucy out of the way when he gets the chance to get some attention.

Jeff the Cat has been hiding in the bedroom. Occasionally he will sit on our kitchen blockade and hiss at Lucy. I suspect their friendship will take much longer to blossom.

Sunday, February 27, 2005

Hey, Ya'll...

BIG NEWS AT THE LEAGUE OF MELBOTIS

The League asks you to welcome new Leaguer, Lucy "Goosey" Steans.



Lucy's plans at the League include:

1) a lot of rockin'
2) sniffing
3) peeing on the carpet
4) being dwarfed by Mel
5) preventing us from getting any sleep

Lucy says hello, and while she does not yet know you, she already loves you.