The Red Death is Going to Ruin Your Party

This is a scene from one of my favorite movies, the 1925 Lon Chaney starring "Phantom of the Opera".

If you skip to 2:10 in the timeline, you'll get right to the Phantom upping the ante.



While we think of films as "Black and White", two-toned color processes were being experimented with even then. And the use of tint on a scene to indicate day, night, etc... was par for the course. In the past few years, Universal found original reels that had not been re-printed to simple black and white emulsion, and the effect is simply stunning.

I'd seen this movie a half-dozen times, but the two-tone color gives it a definite kick the graytones don't really capture.

Birthday Girls

Happy Birthday to Ms. Lauren Roth, who had a birthday last week, and who was so kind as to invite us out to Austin's premier Karaoke bar, Common Interest, on Friday night.

Steven sang two songs in my presence, wowing the crowd in particular with Hank Williams Jr's immortal classic "A Country Boy Can Survive", peppered with a lot of "Thank you, Austin!" thrown in.

Lauren, who looked lovely, gave us some rockin' 80's before tuning introspective with "Yesterday".

I am sad to say The League never screwed up enough courage to get on the mic and sing any of the tunes he was considering, and only upon departing did he realize "I totally should have sung 'Tomorrow' from 'Annie'".

Thanks for the invite, Team Roth-Harms!

Saturday we joined FunHeather and friends to celebrate the birthday of Heather Wagner, newly returned from Lubbock and now a practicing speech therapist. It was a lovely dinner, but a lot less singing happened. Except for the requisite "Happy Birthday" rendition, I suppose.

Met some new folks, felt a little old, and enjoyed a lovely meal at one of Austin's favorite spots, Fonda San Miguel.

Happy B-Day to both, and thanks for making sure we had an action-packed weekend!

Balloon Boy

Judge Not, Lest Ye Be...

Ha ha. Just kidding. What kind of blog would this be if I weren't judging everyone who caught my attention for a split second? This means you, Emily!!!!

But, like everyone else, I've been thinking about Balloon Boy.

In case you had not heard, the Sheriff of Larimer County, Colorado has deduced that the entire balloon chasing production on Thursday wasn't just a hoax, but one intended to land the family involved a television contract. And apparently scrambling the air force, shutting down the Denver airport, involving a massive portion of the police force and untold numbers of public servants isn't exactly legal. Thus, the Sheriff is throwing the book at the Heene family.


Marshall had a post on this, responding to an article on gawker.

My own brother had this to say.

Mostly, I'm admiring the entire scenario as a perfect encapsulation of how I believe a portion of the populace has viewed the post-Survivor/ Richard Hatch era of pointless celebrity. And, as countless other navel-gazers have concluded in regards to the sort of Z-level fame and meritless notoriety sought by the those such as Heene: this isn't actual celebrity.

There's no word for what this is, but if eskimos have a few dozenw ords for snow, for the number of fame-seeking jack-asses there are in the world, we need a word that better describes the Z-Level fame via reality show. You know... the kind of famous that earns you a life being known as "Juice-a-Licious" from your run on "Flava of Love" or assuming people will know or care who you are because you were a jackass on Survivor six years ago.

There's no real name for that kind of fame. Please send in your ideas.

What's so beautiful about the Balloon Boy story is how jumbo-sized hubris, ineptitude and counting on a six year old to keep a story straight spun out into a yarn that, if you made it up, people wouldn't buy it... And now, when and if the tale is folded into someone's TV movie of the week or Oscar winning picture, what with charges filed, nobody actually needs to pay Heene for his side of the story. And Papa Heene may well wind up in jail (and will most certainly go broke on legal costs).

Sounds like a Coen Bros. project to me.

The Gawker article blames "us", which I don't buy. If we hear a kid is pilotlessly drifting across the Colorado sky in a runaway balloon, we're going to tune in every once in a while to see if that kid is okay. The dimensions of our displays don't matter. Yes, "we" watched a balloon floating across the landscape (well, I didn't. I saw the headline and then walked into a two hour training presentation, and by the time I was done, it was all over). That's like blaming "us" for Baby Jessica falling down a well back in the 80's.

Yes, it was something exploited by Heene, but there is more than voyeurism in this, or guilt the media should feel for breaking a live story. "We" don't need to feel shame for clicking on a hyperlink to understand a headline in bright yellow at the top of CNN.com. I understand that because Heene fooled us, Gawker is trying to turn that into a "we should have known better" story of personal shame, but... I'm not buying it this time. There are a lot of things "we" should have known better than that nobody has bothered to shame anybody about.

Reality TV isn't what created someone like Heene, but it did make the myopic pursuit of fame-by-any-means-necessary seem like it may have a greater likelihood of success, once you realized you may lack any actual talent. And, it cut out the middle-man of asking people to love a character, and let them get right to the business of loving you directly. Had Heene's grasp not over-extended his reach, no doubt he would be cutting a deal with somebody right now to feature his wacky family and their exploits. Unfortunately, in believing he and his brood were smarter than, apparently, literally everyone in Colorado and/ or America, he screwed up. (Not to mention appearing twice before on TV, pitching shows about his family to basic cable networks, and leaving a trail of videos seemingly demonstrating exactly what sort of jackass he was molding his children into).

If any of the Heene kids wanted a chance at not ending up in the fail column, maybe humiliation and a little jail time for their old man on a national scale will give them a moment of pause before they decide they, too, can outsmart laws of physics and a background check.

Heene's actions weren't harmless (all the resources that had to be brought forth to deal with the situation), and had he succeeded, if he was willing to exploit his kids in this situation, what would have been next? If the book is thrown at him, so be it. And if it gives the next idiot inflating a balloon and actually sticking his kid into the balloon a moment of pause, all the better.

I think Jason posited that people were mad at the Heene's because they had become invested in the gripping story of danger that turned out to be false, but I'd suggest that was only part of the story. That may be true, but its also possible there is a population out there who doesn't buy the E! channels narrative, or that of the Insider, Entertainment Tonight, etc... and who have grown quite tired of the cult of celebrity and the past decade's insistence that we know about people like Richard Hatch, Kardashians, the awful New York woman of VH1, any Real Housewife in any city, Jon & Kate and a thousand just like them. And seeing someone cut down before they had an opportunity to pop up on our Yahoo News page, in our headlines on CNN.com, etc... that they somehow managed to take care of themselves sits okay with many of us.

Sorry your dad is going to jail, Balloon Boy. God bless you for doing what kids do so often and telling some part of the truth. Lord knows CNN barely bothers with it anymore. Heck, Wolf Blitzer was so baffled he didn't even have a line of questioning he could follow immediately when the cat was out of the bag and wandering around the table.

Disguise!

I would get this, but Jamie's patience with me is thin as it is.


Bully!

But, yes, I would like to see how far one could take a TR impersonation around town. Its too bad congress is no longer in session...

Red River Rivalry 2009

Well, the Texas/ OU game is done for another year. Texas claimed a victory at 16-13.

I'll be curious to review the statistics later, and I am sure fans will have differing opinions as to what the game meant.

In my opinion, the Texas offense played mostly poorly, and it was clear OU's defense had done their homework in preparing for the offense. To compound things:

Passing game:

Whether its due to having an offense that can't run a pass play, or Greg Davis going senile, UT ran play after play aimed at passing for only a few yards. This included when UT would earn yet another penalty or sack and wind up with 20 yards between themselves and a first down.

The issue with running these short routes seemed to be that OU anticipated every route, meaning that our receivers could never truly get open, or do much more than wind right back up at the line of scrimmage.

At any rate, UT's passing game is looking a bit sad compared ot last year.

Running Game

If you give the ball to Fozzy every play, they will figure it out.

The Pitch Play

Greg Davis, it seems you are letting the kids with whom I played backyard football circa 1982 design your "trick" plays. They don't work, they make Colt look unhappy. Stop it.

Penalties

For a game that, at last check, wound up with 215 yards in penalties, I didn't think the refs were particularly whistle-happy. Whatever thought might have once been a part of football that meant "just let them play" has been scrapped, but apparently nobody notified Texas's line, who had multiple holding calls, costing us 5-10 yards on what seemed to be a play per drive (at least), and which injured almost every opportunity Texas had all game to move the ball.

OU was responsible for what had to have been an equal or greater number of penalties, leading to UT's victory, as UT moved the ball almost entirely off of penalties during some drives.

UT's Defense

Played very well. Aside from a few mistakes, which are just inevitable, I don't think I've seen those guys play this well all year. If they can keep that up, its going to help make up for the weak offensive line, and whatever is going on with the 5 yard offense.



Colt

It's hard to tell if Colt McCoy is struggling, or if he simply has no help. In the first half, the line was offering him no time to find a receiver, but whether the receiver was open or not, he wasn't able to make much happen until he decided to start running. Unless he's a threat to do more than pass, it seems like the opposing defense isn't having too hard of a time shutting Colt down and/ or sacking McCoy.

But...

Look, OU didn't look any better than UT. At least not after Bradford went down with an injury early on. I am of the opinion that, had Sam remained healthy, UT would have gone down in flames.

I am happy that UT won. I'm just not impressed at all with how UT's offense played. I like a "W" as much as the next guy, but as this isn't as straightforward playoff situation, and this widely-televised game is going to be considered by voters, how the game was played is an issue.

The bottom line is that UT hasn't had a game where they looked terrific this season, and I remember laughing out loud along with everyone else when I saw the cream-puff schedule Mack brown got for his team.

When UT won the Rose Bowl and took the 2005 Championship, part of what made the year so amazing was that expectations were not for a championship, UT had a rigorous schedule, and right up til the week of the game, ESPN (who is always looking at Pete Carroll with dewy eyes) didn't think UT stood a chance. Getting a soft schedule and looking bad when you win those games doesn't make the ranking feel terribly legit.

There's a lot of season left yet for the Horns to either make it or break it.

UT fans have a reputation, I guess, for being fair weather fans because of the nature of the fan base to be critical. Yes, its easier to be a fan when they are winning and playing well. But find me a UT fan who doesn't find a reason to complain about Greg Davis once per game, and I'll show you someone who doesn't watch the games and care.

A truly great Texas team is still fresh in the minds of many UT fans, and, unfortunately for the team, every play is compared a bit with WWVYD? And, of course, the knowledge that when you're on top and there's this much season left, there's nowhere to go but down.

I, personally, don't want to see UT wind up in another Texas or Alamo Bowl. And certainly don't want to see another team we've beat wind up ahead of us in the rankings once again.

Let's all also hope Sam and other injured players get healthy soon.

Texas Fight!!!

Policy: JimD or Randy?

A thinly disguised Leaguer recently asked the policy question:

JimD or Randy?

Well, this question is obviously tough to answer, and will change from scenario to scenario.  But I think a few illustrative examples might be useful:

• Trapped on an island with?  JimD (wouldn't feel as guilty about eventually killing and eating JimD)
• Produce my folk/rap album?  JimD
• Choreograph my videos?  Randy
• Screen and hire the skanks for my videos?  Randy
• Write the NDA's for the skanks in my videos?  JimD
• Would win in a duel (foil)?  Randy
• Would win in a duel (pistols)?  JimD
• Would win in a lightsaber duel?  JimD
• Used to bullseye womp rats in his T-16 back home.  They're not much bigger than two meters?  Randy
  
• Is a loose cannon?  JimD
  
• Is getting too old for this shit?  Randy
• Executor of my will?  Randy
• Will be asked to take on my debts?  JimD
• Looks great in a thong?  TIE
• Sends me a constant stream of stuff via email which leads me to wonder what, if anything, he does for a living?  Randy
• No longer actually reads LoM?  JimD
• Would want as my backup when we're going to have to shoot our way out?  Neither.  Maybe Emily.
• I would gladly hand over to the police?  Randy
• Whom I would gladly trust to start a new government, and then immediately exploit the very loopholes he'd created?  JimD
• Jazzy Jeff to my Fresh Prince?  Randy
• Carlton to my Fresh Prince?  JimD*

*Yes, summer of 1997, I watched a lot of Fresh Prince and drank cheap beer.  I was also only partially employed.

Enemy Ace is a Back Seat Driver

NTT asks... POLICY

NTT asks:



1. Why does this blog use a length of measure not officially recognized by any nation?

I think the Yurgh will really catch on as measure of both definitions of volume.


2. Did you order the Code Red?

Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be protected by men with guns...


3. What does Didio have on you to give Final Crisis a good review?

Nothing. Any story that ends with Superman eliminating the threat of an arch villain by singing the song of the vibrational frequency of the multi-verse is just going to find a warm place in my heart.

I still sort of feel that if readers could not find a bit of love for "Final Crisis",  they're not seeing the meta-story of the DCU as put down since Barry met Jay and Jimmy Olsen met the Newsboys.

4. Would you rather have a bottle in front of you or a frontal lobotomy?

The Ketel One drip.



5. If the League has an arch-villain, what are the rules of engagement?


The League is usually a bit dim and does not realize that anyone considers him "The Cursed League".  Somehow, as far as I know, I've made it this far without anyone setting out to destroy me.

However, the number of people who find me annoying knows no bounds.


Because its likely sooner or later my madcap ways will, indeed, draw the ire of someone who seeks to destroy me, I would do the following:

1)  be down about it for a while
2)  try to sort out what I did
3)  be down some more
4)  pledge to change
5)  utterly fail to improve any behavior
6)  kind of forget about it
7)  be passive aggresive
8)  get drunk and call the arch-villain and try to see what's up
9)  wait until an awkward social moment with lots of witnesses, and then insist "you never liked me, anyway"
10)  eat a lot out of stress

No.

America,

I saw this ad in my Facebook sidebar (why American Apparel thought I was buying "Disco Pants" should make the evangelists of targeted advertising weep).

There is a slim 4-5% of the age-appropriate demographic that will make these pants work. The same population that almost made Uggs work (they don't, they're dumb), and who can generally pull off any trend to come down the pike, good idea or no.

Much like the muffin-top and whale-tail looks of circa 2004, these pants are going to inflict us with a generation of people in clothing which they will attempt to adopt as its in all the magazines, but which will end in failure once worn out to the Red Box DVD rental outside Walgreens.

I now know I'm going to walk across campus with sad looking undergrads squeezed into these monstrosities on a pedestal of those rain-slicker boots that have to be giving our nation's young women the worst case of athlete's foot since the trench war of 1917.

Stop the disco pants madness.

Enemy Ace Says Nuts to Your Aerial Superiority

Child-Free American cont'd

actually a lot closer to what I assumed was going on in the endless sea of DVD-outfitted SUV's in Chandler.

Stolen from Calvin

sometimes its time for Enemy Ace

JackBart in Baltimore: Poe at Geppi Entertainment Museum

This is an official press release from Boom! Studios


October 12, 2009 – Los Angeles, CA - Come meet BOOM! Studios writer J. Barton Mitchell and artist Dean Kotz, of the horror/detective thriller POE, as they appear at Geppi's Entertainment Museum for a one-day-only signing!

"We're very pleased to host writer J. Barton Mitchell and artist Dean Kotz, creators of Boom! Studios' exciting mini-series POE, one of the most insightful and interesting takes we've ever seen on one of Baltimore's most famous residents. With Halloween fast approaching and with our city's year-long celebration of POE, it's the perfect time for our friends and patrons to come meet this talented team," said Melissa Bowersox, Executive Vice-President of GEM.


Many know Edgar Allen Poe as not only the father of modern horror, but also the creator of the detective genre. But did you know he was a detective himself? Enter the world of POE and follow the famous author of darkness as he tracks a supernatural killer ravaging the streets of Baltimore!


Where:
Geppi's Entertainment Museum
301 W. Camden Street
Baltimore, MD 21201
(410) 625-7060
www.geppismuseum.com


When:
Saturday, October 17th, 2009 from 12pm - 4pm


Map: Google Maps 

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving Day!/ Columbus Day

Do you guys get some sort of default Holiday in November that we don't get? I don't know how this works.


It's not actually a "New World" if people are already living there. Here's to 500 years of poor decision making and syphilis. Don't go to the post office.

Light Monday

Item #1:

Randy sent this item:

Apparently somebody (possibly the California Dairy Council?) put together a Rock Opera about... a sci-fi future in which milk has made everything better. Look, I can't explain it. But if you've got 20 minutes or so, be prepared to have your world rocked.

Milkquarius

Seriously, you need to watch this thing. Its mind boggling.


Item #2:

I think the McBride siblings will appreciate this most of all:

Bacon Narwhal

Stolen from Calvin

Item #3:

Apparently, Dr. Robert Bakker, one of the most famous of paleontologists, is now at the Houston Museum of Natural Science. I have no idea how long he's been there, but I just saw him on a NatGeo documentary, and that's where he's at. Who knew?

I read Bakker's book "The Dinosaur Heresies" partially in high school and then all the way through in college. He's an interesting guy, and I'd be curious to know what's going on at that museum that they landed Bakker. Sounds like they've upped the ante since I used to go there in high school every few months.

here

I'm not sure about Bakker's reputation these days, but the way I was told in college (back in the mid-90's): he was not loved by the dino-community as he had sort of by-passed the usual route of scientific research, publishing and debate via journals and conferences, and instead went straight to a publisher and got his book out there to the public. "The Dinosaur Heresies" title was a reference to Bakker acknowledging that his hypotheses weren't accepted by the dino-community, but he wasn't letting that slow him down. And in the end, some of what he proposed is now widely accepted as theory.

More milege may vary.

I don't have an opinion on the whole thing, and I don't even know if my facts are correct.

I really, really hope a mention of Bakker doesn't accidentally draw a bunch of angry paleontologists in the comments section.


Item 4:



I'm going to get an Aye-Aye, and I'm going to put it in your kitchen.

When Jamie is Gone

This weekend I:

• hung out with Jason, ate dinner, sort of watched TV
  
• went to a midnight movie, "Paranormal Activity"
  
• watched the last half of "Evil Dead 2"
• watched the last half of "Reality Bites"
• slept 4 hours
• watched "The Longest Day" (which was really very good, and I'd recommend it to anyone. Glad I finally saw it.)
• wrote official "nakedness" policy for League of Melbotis
  
• Went to post office - learned you can do all your postal stuff online these days and there's no reason to go to the post office
  
• Backed up line at post office talking to clerk about "Death of Superman" and various Justice Leaguers and DC Animated cartoons
• Went to: Target, Spirit: The Halloween Store, Home Depot, Lowe's (neither had what I was looking for), HEB (a local grocery)
• Watched the UT/ Colorado game with Matt and Nicole
• Hung out
• Re-did shelves
• Slept 7.5 hours
• am drinking coffee and considering more sleep
• Scout is asleep and laying on her back. She's dreaming she's running, so her feet and tail are moving. Its hilarious.
  
• am going to go into my office and do some comic-collecting-related activity
  

This is happening: Marge Simpson in Playboy

Apparently, this is actually happening.

I am dumbfounded/ amazed/ amused/ probably still not buying Playboy.

Policy: Nakedness

editor's note: I actually started on this prior to reading this installment of Achewood. It was far more inspired by a diagram I had been working on at work for determining levels of tech support.

So Steven has asked:

What's your policy on nude blogging?

And what about nude reading?

Fair enough Steven.

To the first point, The League does, in fact, have a policy on his own nudity while blogging!

Blogging nude here occurs only after the third scotch has been imbibed.

The math works out thusly for common reviews:

Movie reviews: 2nd paragraph
Comic reviews: 4th paragraph
Television: 1st paragraph
Superman posts: stone cold sober
Political posts: before I even start, I've usually been nude and drunk for an hour

Leaguers who are into dudes are no doubt curious as to what the magnificent physique of The League actually looks like. Well, lucky you, I have decided to include a rather sexy shot of myself that Jamie usually keeps tacked to her bathroom mirror. Attempt to contain yourself.


Like Daniel Craig in "Casino Royale", The League rises from the water, revealing his form.

But the real question, then, is: Does The League have a policy for reading League of Melbotis au natural?

I was certain I'd shared this chart with you before as a helpful hint. In fact, I keep a printed copy folded up in my attache case to hand out to anyone who springs me with this very question.

The abbreviated decision chart looks like this (the full chart has more than 180 decision branches, but this usually works in a pinch and doesn't require 41 sheets of paper to print):


Please click for full flow chart


We suggest you print your own copy and keep it framed somewhere near where you might need to do some decision-making.

The League watches: Paranormal Activity

(editor's note: I just re-read this, and I came off rather harshly. I'm adding some content, because I really didn't think the movie was bad.)

You may or may not have heard about the movie "Paranormal Activity". It's currently in release and showing at the Alamo South in Austin.

I recommend reading about Paranormal Activity rather than viewing the trailer as the trailer probably gives away more than was wise to reveal, and certainly spoiled one or two of the film's tricks for me.

The biggest thing that this movie has going against it is that its been released about a full decade after "The Blair Witch Project", and to not draw a comparison would be sort of ridiculous. Like "Blair Witch" or the more recent "Cloverfield", "Paranormal Activity" purports to be "found footage" of a series of uncanny events, with a small, tight cast acknowledging that there is a camera on and running.*

I suppose my one miscue from the trailer was in believing the movie was about "Ghost Hunters"-style paranormal investigators, when it is really about a couple recording events in their own amazingly plush San Diego home (the most paranormal thing about the movie is how unlikely both the size of the house and "decorate with all the taste of a model home" look the place has).

Like Blair Witch, there also only about four characters in the movie, and that works in the context of the movie. In fact, I'm not really clear on who some of the people listed on IMDB are supposed to be. I suppose there are cut scenes?

I just never really got the same thrill from this movie that I got from Blair Witch. Perhaps because there's so much less geography? Perhaps because Blair Witch truly felt as if the actors were being toyed with, and here, our fiend feels like he's almost just a pest for part of the movie? Maybe because the thing really does have a "been there, done that" feel in its own way?


hope you like this shot, because you will see A LOT of it

In a lot of ways, it's kind of a low-budget "Blair Witch" meets the 1960's version of "The Haunting", and so in that way, the movie isn't half bad, all while not really bringing anything entirely new to the table. In fact, the filmmakers depend so much on their pretense of the "first person" camera shooting that they clearly were worried more about story or, in many ways, character.

There's a lot of pressure on the talent in this movie, as they're left to practical lighting, running their own camera and behaving like people caught on tape rather than actors playing out a scene. I can't really fault them for scenes that seemed like an improv class from time to time, and they certainly carried off the spookier scenes very well. By and large, they carried the enormous weight put upon them. Actor Micah Stone does a good job, but Katie Featherstone has more acting challenges, which she handles relatively well, without becoming oddly unsympathetic a la "Heather" from The Blair Witch, while bringing "production value" to the movie.

I am not a true horror fan. It's not that I dislike horror, but whatever gene sequence one needs to truly appreciate horror (like our friend, Wings) I simply lack. But there are certain things I find myself liking in horror movies. I think every Halloween I mention my love of "The Haunting", and because this movie replicates that same brand of fear, I can salute it. And I do feel the director and producers understood what makes a horror movie work without relying on a factoryline of teens getting it in a grizzly fashion.

But you do wish you had a better feel for who the characters are, and maybe that's what made "Blair Witch" work for me, but less so this movie, and not at all "Cloverfield".




The League's Verdict: It's possibly a renter, or a great option if you're in a Halloween mood, and you're not a fan of slasher pics, the latest Saw installment, etc... It does have some genuinely creepy parts, even if the ending feels completely telegraphed from the first frame.



*It should be noted that I did have the passing thought that the immediacy of self-documentation as a trope in horror is nothing new. After all, Frankenstein and Dracula were written as journals and self-narration. Adding a video camera may be just the natural evolution of that idea.